Don't Be Revolted Just Yet - You May Have More in Common with the "Balloon-Boy" Parents Than You Think

By now most people in the nation (the world?) know of the Heenes, though most probably still only know them as "Balloon-Boy's Parents". Like many across the nation, I was mesmerized by the footage and unfolding story of Falcon, the 6 year old boy who was rumored to have been stuck in his father's weather balloon. I prayed hard for the young man and his parents, who I assumed were worried sick. Then came the reports and images revealing he was not in the balloon, but had possibly been in the basket under the balloon, which pictures showed plummeting back to the earth; I was devistated. I could not fathom what those parents were going through. Fast forward a bit later - the boy is safe in his attic and the parents "relieved" while secretly beginning to listen to the cash registers in their minds go "KA-CHING!"

It was a hoax. A story made up to gain notoriety and hopefully a reality show for their family. The emotional agony once held by the nation has now become a feeling of anger and disbelief: "How in the world could parents consider it in the best interest of their child/children to exploit them and make light of their safety for their own personal gain?"

Sadly, though - if we stop long enough to think about it, parents using (or "helping") their children for personal gain is all too common a story. Too often today parents willingly (though maybe unintentionally) position their children to be their meal ticket one day. The only difference between those parents and the Heenes is that the Heene's plan was intentionally played out on live television (not to mention they lied and violated several local and federal laws). Here are but a few examples of how some parents willingly capitalize on their children's interests/talents:

• One of America's biggest examples: Sports! Practice 4-6 days a week, games, hired "specialist" coaches, sports camps, trainers, gym memberships, etc. Sure, the kids like the sports, but at the heart of most of the kids, the desire to succeed is from the dreams and wishes of the parents - in other words, they want to make mom and dad proud.

• Beauty pageants. Fake eyelashes, fake hair (extensions or what-have-you), tanning, makeup, posture classes, personal trainers, personal beauty coaches, "healthy diets," constant pageants, talent classes (music, dance, singing, twirling, gymnastics or whatever), etc.

• Acting. Acting camps/classes, theater groups, constant auditions, "studying" (obsessing) about current Hollywood culture, dance classes, music classes, personal acting coaches, personal trainers, etc.

• Academic achievements. Personal tutors, excessive standards for grades ("nothing less than an 'A'"), special academic clubs, extra long homework sessions, extra trips to the library, additional assignments not given in school, pressure to apply to the Ivy League schools, etc.

The list could go on, but you get the idea. Unfortunately, this is too common a story in the lives of many parents. They consider themselves good parents for investing so much time and money in their child, but motivationally one must wonder who all the work and accolades are really for. This is not to say the parents are bad parents, either... just misguided. Instead of nurturing and guiding a child's desires or interests, they go overboard with ridiculous standards and push their own agendas, dreams or desires (maybe well-intentioned dreams for their children) on to their children.

I have no doubt that for the bulk of the parents who become part of this world that their chief desire is to provide the best life and future for their children. I believe they sincerely love their children, the Heenes included, and only want to provide the best for their present and future. However, I think ALL parents would be wise to reevaluate the future they desire for their children: what does that future look like? Is it what is really best for my children? What must we sacrifice to achieve that? Do we sacrifice too much and lose who we are as a family in the process?

"And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul? For the Son of Man will come with his angels in the glory of his Father and will judge all people according to their deeds." (Matthew 16:26-27)

Sports, acting, studying/learning, etc. are not evil endeavors. Matter of fact there is great value in many of those pursuits; however, there is a line we must draw. When they become so important that they become the top priority of our lives (evidenced by how we spend our time, money or resources) we must stop and reconsider our priorities. Have these endeavors replaced God in our lives or worship? Have we redefined who we are (or lead our children to define themselves) based on these achievements? Have these endeavors become idols? Checkout my post on this very common issue (in all of our lives!): "Turns Out Our Hearts Are Idol Factories".

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Image credit: REUTERS/KUSA
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Are You a "GLEEk"?

Fox has premiered one of TV's most out-of-the-box crossover hits (for a TV series, that is) in its new show "Glee". Die hard fans (who call themselves "Gleeks") watch the show, catch them again online and download the choir-performed songs to their iPods. It's "Fame" for this generation, but instead of being based in a Julliard-esque school of performing arts it is based in a high school glee club (choir) who sing while performing choreographed moves (trust me - it is not dancing).

I was really excited about "Glee" and even programmed my DVR to make sure I would not miss an episode. The pilot episode was everything it promised to be and, despite some awkward moments, I was hooked (my wife moreso than me). The singing (while obviously staged - especially the musicians), quarkiness, characters, and flow were great. I was well on my way to being a "Gleek". Then came the second, third and fourth episodes and we watched the wheels fall off this wagon entirely. I have serious problems with "Glee" and no longer watch it because of how absolutely uncomfortable it makes me. Here are some of the key issues I have with the show:

• It is a melting pot of culturally hot topics. Teen sex (major part of the story), pedophilia (somehow they've made that a joke), homosexuality, cheesy abstinence "promises", Christianity, inappropriate relationships (male students sleeping with and being groped by older, sexy women), a looming affair (it is almost a certainty that the main character, the glee club teacher, is going to leave his wife for a colleague) and more.
  

• It seems the primary purpose of the show is to promote one worldview: "follow your heart" (which should have the subtitle: "regardless of the consequences"). Instead of encouraging virtue it takes the obvious fact that the world is broken and no one is perfect and embraces it, encouraging people to accept it and enjoy it. Instead of encouraging students to guard their heart they use teens as the vehicle for promoting reckless living.

• The absolute mockery that is Christianity in the show. Christianity is represented in the show via the (as usual in Hollywood) snotty, pretentious, wealthy, beauty queen Head Cheerleader. To top it off she is head of the abstinence club that teaches the girls (this over-the-top-not-so-subtle joke is unfortunately very true of most girls and guys) to flaunt it, tease it, but don't give it up. This teasing, however, has now led to the Christian cheerleader sleeping with one of the glee members and ending up pregnant. See my take on TV and Christianity here.

• The sexuality promoted is anything but subtle. In many of the musical numbers sex is the primary motive of the song choices and the choreography. Here is a small sample:

1. Male teachers and two male students form a singing group (funny name: "AcaFella" instead of Acapella) and perform the sexually-loaded song "Poison" for all the PTA moms
2. The students of the glee club sing the HIGHLY sexual song "Push It" by Salt-n-Peppa in front of the entire student body. They grind on each other, grope each other, they gyrate, and the student audience salivates. To see this clip (not recommended), click here: "Push It" from Glee.
3. Cheerleaders wash cars in cheer skirts and bikini tops while accompanying one of the glee club members as she sings about breaking windows in someone's car
4. Glee members sing Carrie Underwood's song "Last Name" (about a night of drinking and loose living with a guy whom she doesn't even know his last name) as the female adult in the performance occasionally grabs the male students' butts (I thought that was illegal?) and teases them.

Glee gets away with all of this (and is now beloved by audiences and critics alike) because they intentionally play it over the top (such as the former glee teacher who is fired in the pilot for inappropriate relationship with a male student later stalking Josh Groban on Facebook) and wrap it in the no boundaries genre of comedy. This way they can say "we're not really embracing that stuff, we are mocking it and showing the absurdity of it."

I am not laughing though. How can I? They take everything I am working diligently to protect my children from (and myself, for that matter) and embrace it. They mock the very faith I call vital and have very little regard for the welfare of teens - those who face this broken world daily and don't have life scripted for them. A life where all decisions have consequences (good and bad) and real people are emotionally fragile.

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A RADICAL MESSAGE FOR PARENTS: Settle for Less and Receive More!

This is one of the most powerful article's I've ever read on parenting teens. It is a must read for ALL parents of youth/children - either you have a teen or a soon-to-be teen. There are things that we all need to rethink when it comes to discipling and training our children and this article gives a great foundation to start!

I have read some of Paul Tripp's other books and now plan to add this one (Age of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide to Parenting Teens by Paul David Tripp) to my reading list, too - and encourage you to do the same! Here are a few quotes or excerpts from the article (read it in full here - it's a little lengthy, but take the time, please! You will not be sorry for the investment of time):

" What often gets in the way of parenting teenagers is the idolatry of their mother and father."

"The book of Proverbs is very clear in reminding us that teenagers don’t usually hunger for wisdom and correction. I’ve never had one of my kids say to me, “As I was riding the bus home from school I was thinking, ‘Dad, you’re a really wise man. I’d just love to sit at your feet and drink in some more of your wisdom,’ or ‘Dad, I realize that when you correct me you are showing me your love. Would you like to correct me some more?’ ” So what should be my goal here? As a parent I realize that wisdom is crucial to pleasing God, and yet it’s not the thing for which my teenager tends to hunger. So now I’ve got my job description. It’s to sell my teenager something that he is not seeking. And so I decide that I’ll model being a wise man. I want to show him that wisdom is a beautiful and wonderful thing. And I want to sell wisdom to him so that he becomes a really keen consumer. The point I’m making is that in each area of teenage struggle there’s wonderful parental opportunity.

Another characteristic of teenagers is that they tend to be very legalistic. They don’t particularly love God’s law, they frequently debate the boundaries and they’re very boundary oriented. I tell people that if God’s law is like a fence, then my kids grew up with fence marks on their faces. As teens they were always pressing against the fence. Now you don’t solve the problem of teenage legalism by debating where the boundary is. Why? Because a child who is pressing his face against the fence is believing a very significant lie. The lie is that the good stuff is out there and God is keeping him from it. What I need to do is turn his body to the inside of the yard and show him the glory of what God has called us to."

"We also must realize that every teenager is a sinner and is trying to learn how to live in God’s world, learning what it means to be godly and learning the dangers of sin. There’s no possible way that that won’t have a huge impact on my life. And that’s why people don’t like their teenagers."

Read the full article here.

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"Religion is for Weak People"

EDITORIAL NOTE: Thank you for your patience, but I've taken an unannounced vacation the last two weeks from blogging due to my pastoral and personal schedule. I'm back now, though, and hope to be submitting daily posts again.

"Organized religion is a sham and a crutch for weak-minded people who need strength in numbers." (Jesse Ventura, former Governor of Minnesota)

This now famous/infamous line spoken by "The Gov" received much air time from the media in trying to stir the religious debate pot for ratings. Usually following the airing of the comment they'd host panels to discuss the controversial comment and invite religious people, atheists, authors, pastors, etc. in to "discuss" the comment in relation to politics, life and eternity.

While this quote is old news, what it represents is very relevant today still and will be until Christ returns.

Like Ventura, many claim religion is for weak-minded, poor, oppressed, or lonely people. Strong-minded, wealthy, powerful, famous/popular, and/or healthy people, however, have little to no need for God. Why would they? They are the makers of their own destiny. They are their own authorities. They are the authors of their own morals and ethics. They are their own creators (they create their own religions at will). Consequently, they are their own God.

Powerful people need no God (nor do they want one) because they are their own God and for them to answer to a deity higher than them would require an ounce of humility, need and emptiness. Today's culture decries need or brokenness as weakness. The reality of these attributes is that they remind of us of our place (we are not God... we are not all-knowing, all powerful, infinite, holy, eternal or ceaselessly creative) and our need for the infinite God of all.

James 4:7-10 tells us that we will spend our lives doing one of two things: (1) SUBMITTING to God, or (2) trying to BE GOD. Based on the Biblical description of who God is, it is a logical fallacy to think there can be more than one God (or someone equal to Him). Powerful people, though, have no need for this God to save them or aid them (that is, of course, until something happens in their life that leaves them broken beyond words - such as loss of family/friends, tragedy, etc.) and no need to worship God because their attention, drive, motivation, desire and hope is all directed in one direction: themselves.

PARENTS: Do your lives represent one that is bent toward God or bent toward being your own God? One that not only talks about having a need for God to save you, but that demonstrates a lifelong allegiance to this One, True God? Our children and teens find brokenness and need a lot more appealing when they see humility lived out before them.

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Culture and Your Teen/Child (From Focus on the Family and CPYU)

The following article is a dialogue between the folks at Focus on the Family's Plugged In and CPYU's (Center for Parent/Youth Understanding) founder Walt Mueller. This is a great read for parents regarding cultural influences and your teen (or children). Featured in the article: #1 Thread in Most Teens' Lives, Mass Media Use, What Is the Biggest Influence in a Teen's Life in Today's World (not surprising, but also not what you might have expected as an answer), and more! GREAT READ... check it out! (This article was written by Adam R. Holz and originally appeared on the site for Plugged In.)
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There are probably very few people on planet Earth who spend as much time thinking about popular culture's influence on young people as Walt Mueller. For more than 30 years, Mueller has been digging deep into how our society's stars and scandals and trends shape the values and behaviors of teens and tweens—and on how parents and children can connect meaningfully during this sometimes tumultuous season of life.

"There is a widening cultural-generational gap that needs to be closed," Mueller notes. "On one side stand parents and adults, many puzzled and scared by the rapidly changing world of children and teens. ... On the other side stand children and teens longing for parents and other significant adults willing and able to help them through the confusing maze of today's youth culture, leading them to an emotionally and spiritually healthy adulthood. I'm convinced it's a gap nobody wants."

To help close that gap, Mueller founded the Center for Parent/Youth Understanding in 1990. He's also written seven books on the subject, including Understanding Today's Youth Culture, Youth Culture 101 and his latest, The Space Between: A Parent's Guide to Teenage Development.

Adam R. Holz: What trends are most influencing teenagers in 2009?

Walt Mueller: A lot of times we look for behaviors—you know, how many kids are doing this, how many kids are doing that, who is sexually active, who isn't. But what I have tried to do lately is to dig a little deeper, to peel back the layers to look at the matters of the heart. Because it's the heart that influences all those other things. As I and those I work with at CPYU have done that, one thing that we've seen more than anything else recently is a single thread woven through the fabric of kids' lives and youth culture: the thread of narcissism.

Narcissism involves a constant obsession with self which really, at its root, is idolatry. It's replacement of the Creator with the created thing—the created thing in this case being the self. And narcissism is about having everything in life focused in service of self and the glory of self rather than bringing honor and glory to God.

Related to that is materialism. When we moved out of the '80s into the early '90s, some commentators were writing about the fact that the so-called "me" decade was over with, along with the rampant materialism that came with it. But that has absolutely not been the case. Materialism still runs deep and wide, and I think it's more ingrained now in the lives of young people and adults than it's ever been.

Holz: How do you think the social networking revolution, as well as mobile communication such as texting and tweeting, are impacting how young people relate to each other?

Mueller: Today's kids have a greater ability to communicate with other people than any other previous generation. You can stay connected 24/7. That can be a great thing in terms safety, in terms of parents communicating with their children. And I think the church is learning how to harness these technologies to help spread the gospel as well. At the same time—and I think research is beginning to show this—it's easier now for people to retreat into physical aloneness. The great irony is that, while this is the generation that has the greatest number of tools to stay relationally connected, they are also one of the loneliest and most isolated generations ever. For many of these kids, when you finally shut everything down, they don't know how to live in the silence and listen to God. And I think it can affect their relationships in some bad ways.

But I would never say that these technologies are an evil thing. I have always encouraged parents and youth workers to see all that stuff as a neutral—a cell phone is a neutral thing, an iPod is a neutral thing, Facebook is a neutral thing—but it depends on how we are using it. Are we using these things to serve the kingdom of the world, the flesh and the devil? Or are we using them to serve and build the kingdom of God? If we become consumed by these things, it can really hurt us deeply. Many people think the answer is to get rid of the technologies when in fact what we have to do is manage them in ways that are healthy and positive and bring honor and glory to God.

Holz: In a world where kids have so many media and entertainment options, do you think popular music is as significant a shaping force as it might have been for previous generations?

Mueller: I would have to say no. I grew up in the late '60s and '70s, and music, for the most part, was it. It was music and television. In the '80s, it was music television. But MTV isn't even about music anymore. What we see now is a shift in which the media world has just exploded in both platforms and types of media. Thanks to social networking sites like MySpace, there are more outlets for music than ever. Kids' tastes have become a lot more unique

Holz: And fragmented?

Mueller: Very fragmented. And so, as a result, you don't have that large, overarching music scene or artists whose albums everyone is buying and listening to. Take Michael Jackson, for example. We just don't have megastars like him anymore.

Holz: Do you think anything has eclipsed music in terms of cultural influence?

Mueller: I would say marketing. Product placement is in everything these days: music, movies, TV. When that's combined with the narcissism and materialism we've already talked about, it's a formidable force. Today's kids have significant disposable income, which is one of the reasons that the youth culture is the most targeted market segment of all. So marketing is the greatest influence because it really is shaping young people's values, attitudes and behaviors.

Holz: How do you think marketing shapes more than just our decisions to buy this or that?

Mueller: The average person sees between 3,500 and 7,000 marketing messages a day. None of us are going to buy all those products—not that day, that week or even in our lifetime. But we will have ingested marketing messages that sell a certain way of looking at life. In that sense, advertisements don't just sell products. They sell a worldview, a way of thinking about life and living life. Especially when it comes to young people, it's this constant barrage of ads that's shaping who they are. These days, I spend a lot more time than I used to telling parents to monitor marketing and helping parents talk to their kids about how to ask good questions about marketing. We have to help our kids learn to manage the world's constant marketing messages so that the marketing doesn't manage them.

Holz: What would you say is the best approach for parents to use in helping their teens navigate this world, and what is the balance between protection and avoidance?

Mueller: Navigating and protection—that is always a precarious balance to strike. We want things to be easy. I have been raised, we have all been raised, in a world where you push a button or you take a pill and everything is fixed. But it's not that easy. Kids have hearts and minds of their own, we can't drag them screaming and kicking into God's kingdom. So now what I have to do as a parent is discern where each of them is at. I have four kids of my own. And each one of them is very different. Because of that, they may need different boundaries, different parameters to both equip and protect them. That means I have to be constantly observing and listening to my kids. So, along with my wife, I have to know the world they live in and begin to try to figure out how each child is going to respond to the influences we see there.

Holz: What has that process looked like in your family?

Mueller: As a parent, you always have to look in the mirror first. You've got to know yourself. And if we hope to know ourselves well, we have to be washing and bathing ourselves in God's Word all the time. I often say that if we want to point our kids in the right direction, we have to have the truth coursing through our own veins. Jesus said that out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks. It has to be that way for us to speak truth and for that to flow out of our lives as well. From that foundation, we can begin to talk to our kids about making good choices, seizing every opportunity to teach that we encounter with them.

For example, when my oldest son, Josh, who is now 23, was entering his teen years, he came to me and said, "I heard this great band today, Dad. A friend of mine played this song, and I wonder if I can get the CD?" I asked him what the band was, and it was Green Day. Rather than react negatively, I asked, "What song did you like?" After he told me, I said, "You know, Josh, that song is actually about—and this may embarrass you—but it's about masturbation." He said, "Really?" So I said, "Let me give you something to read on this band. When you're done, let me know what you think. He read the article, and he was old enough to work through it and come to the conclusion that he didn't think he should be listening to that band. So instead of just saying no, I gave him parameters that encouraged him to engage and think critically for himself. And then we talked about it.

I believe that process is key when your kids come to you with an interest. If they express interest in something that you know isn't good or positive, don't overreact. Rather, respond calmly. Think with them and calmly walk through this process with them. They don't naturally know how to do that on their own; it's not inherent in who they are. We had to learn that process too, and now we have to teach it to them.

So remember that your kids are in process and this is going to take some time. Sometimes they will buck the system in terms of what you are trying to teach them. But don't lose sleep over it. Continue to pray for them and continue to walk them through it and talk them through it because that, I believe, is what leads to lasting heart change, not just compliant behavior.

Holz: What would you say to parents who feel overwhelmed by the speed at which the culture in changing and the ways new media and technology are influencing their kids?

Mueller: Well, first, I would say that I understand. I would also say that God has given us a wonderful opportunity by allowing us to live today to shape the way our generation and younger generations respond to these challenges.

In His incarnation, we see that Jesus was a particular man sent by God to a particular place at a particular time with a particular mission. It's the same for us. We are not here by accident. It is by design. We are particular people called by God to be at this particular place in this particular time to deal with these particular things.

Given those truths, we do well to remember that God hasn't called us to live with a spirit of fear. If we believe in God's sovereignty, we'll be biblically concerned and respond realistically rather than having an alarmist pessimism that forces us to separate from the world. Ultimately, being ruled by fear of what's happening around us isn't going to help anything. Yes, there are going to be things we have to say no to and walk away from. Sometimes, we do have to think for our kids and work to steer them in another direction. That is a responsibility God has given us as parents.

But I always tell parents, never forget that one of the great joys of parenting is that God parents you while you parent your kids. If you were to graph your life struggles and graph out the growth points, the greatest growth often takes place in times of confusion, frustration and suffering. You see that when you look in the rearview mirror. So embrace the opportunities.

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The New Daughter Philosophy: "Your Daughter and What She Deserves"

It should be no surprise to us as parents that in just a few short years (if not already) our kids will begin to wish all things were just given to them. It's the "I want it now" culture that deserves only the best. Left in the wake of such thinking is the Biblical school of thought that says "love others as yourself," "serve others," "in order to be first, you must be last," and "true love (romantic, platonic, etc.) is patient, kind, gentle, selfless." The following article (originally titled "Bringing Up Princess: Turning Girls Into Narcissists") does a fantastic job of illustrating just that, through the eyes of our daughters and the "princess industry". It is written by Megan Basham and appeared in the Wall Street Journal. It's a fantastic article (even going after Christian girls and retail culture)!

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The princess industry has been booming in the past few years -- not just the Disney dolls and scratchy toy-store ball gowns that are a rite of passage in most American girlhoods, but a brazen new breed of princess products that target a far wider age range and tap into less seemly attitudes. The hot-pink, leopard-print princess backpacks, T-shirts, purses and bedspreads that girls are now buying (or, rather, their parents are buying for them) have little to do with indulging sweet princess fantasies and everything to do with catering to over-indulged princess egos.

Take the popular tween retailer Justice. At malls nationwide, it carries multiple "Princess" tops and accessories that look a lot more like Paris Hilton's attire than Snow White's. No surprise that part of its marketing slogan is "Love yourself."

For only $44 at Nordstrom, you can dress your toddler in a tank top that declares her to be a "Juicy Couture Princess" -- that is, someone whose parents can afford to buy designer shirts that will end up stained with ketchup or jelly. And until recently, numerous Saks stores maintained Club Libby Lu, a spa for 5- to 13-year-old girls offering princess makeovers with tube tops and miniskirts that left girls looking more like Real Housewives than Cinderella. The ailing retailer closed the tween operation in May, but it grossed $60 million in 2008.

Call it trickle-down narcissism. Today, even as the economic crisis continues, many middle-class parents aspire to give their daughters the best of everything, "the best" meaning the most expensive. A quick tour around suburbia will show princess-themed bedrooms (the rhinestoned-and-feathered kind, not the cartoon-character kind) and ostentatious birthday parties, as well as pedigreed dogs being toted in designer bags by 10-year-olds. Maintaining a diva daughter has become one more way to one-up the Joneses.

Sadly, even believing Christians are participating in the princess push. Christian retail outlets like A Different Direction carry "God's Girlz," glamour dolls dressed in princess shirts and spandex with sparkling tiaras on their heads. St. Paul may have exhorted women to be modest in their dress, but many church-going girls proudly wear Christian-marketed clothing imprinted with messages like "Yes, I am a Princess." The small print underneath -- "I'm a daughter of the King" -- is supposed to differentiate the sentiment from secular princess gear (never mind that the King's firstborn declared himself not a prince but a servant of all.)

Of course, it's natural for kids to try to assert their status over others, but it used to be the role of parents to rein in these impulses and teach their daughters that while playing princess is fun, no one enjoys being around someone who acts like a princess in real life. Now researchers are finding that parents are promoting attitudes of superiority in their daughters. Jean Twenge, associate professor of psychology at San Diego State University, tracks the rising egotism on college campuses in her new book, "The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement." She has found that college-age women are developing narcissistic traits at four times the rate of college-age men. She attributes the startling discrepancy in part to parents who put their girls on a pedestal.

Ms. Twenge describes moms and dads who lavish their daughters with unrealistic praise. Parents not only tell girls they are the prettiest and smartest but also train them to see themselves as the center of their worlds through clothes and accessories. "You could label that kind of parenting 'princess parenting,' " she told the Associated Press recently. Ms. Twenge notes wryly that when shopping for her own 2-year-old daughter, about "a fourth of clothing available to her says 'Little Princess' on it."

While there's unlikely to be much harm in indulging in one or two princess products, Ms. Twenge and other experts find that girls immersed in princess culture are embracing the notion of privilege that goes along with it. While parents may hope that princess-pushing will give their daughters confidence in the future, research shows that such girls later have trouble adjusting to professors, bosses and potential mates who don't automatically treat them as royalty.

Want to join the conversation? Click here to comment or ask a question!

FYI: I am leaving tomorrow for a Mission Trip and will be gone a week. I most likely won't get the chance to post anything new next week, but will return June 30. Checkout some of the older posts and comment if you'd like! Until then... C2

Image: Sara Schwartz (appeared in original article)

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State of the Blog Address

My son is home from school today so I am not updating my blog with a new entry, per se. Stop by tomorrow... I will be doing will be an inter-blog experiment! My Twitter friend Tami (a worship leader from Illinois) and I will be dialoguing about the state of Christian music, taste/musical preference, worship and more. Check that out sometime tomorrow! Until then... here are some blog highlights:

• Since I started tracking page hits and such (around August of 2008 or so) the C2 blog has had over 2,200 visits. 630+ of which are actually returning readers!

• The C2 blog has been visited by at least one reader from 14 countries!! That is mind boggling! (U.S., U.K., India, Pakistan, South Africa, Australia, Ireland, Canada, Belgium, Sweden, Hong Kong, Ukraine, Taiwan, Netherlands)

• The C2 blog got its first award (given by reader Gracie)!

Here are the most popular posts for one reason or another (check them out in case you missed them in the past) - they are still being read even today! Here they are in order of popularity:

High School Musical "Get's Dirty"

Abstinence is Wrong

What Kind of Happy Meals are They Selling?!?!

"WARNING!" "DANGER WILL ROBINSON!" "ALERT! ALERT!" "CODE RED"

Peter Pan, Harold and a Crayon and Heaven

Time to Man Up!

NBC's New Show Steals its Story Straight Outta the Bible

Mom and Dad - Time to Grow Up!

What to Teach Our Children/Teens (About Dating)

Jesus Spinning Vinyl

Interesting Campaign By Skechers


Don't forget to sign up to Follow the C2 Blog on the right (or subscribe to our RSS Feed, also on the right)!!

Again, I created this blog to be a dialogue about culture and our faith, as well as to be a tool for parents in using culture as a conversational point with children and teens regarding their faith. I really had no idea what to expect when I started this ministry, but it has become far bigger than anything I could have imagined! Thanks for stopping by!!!!!

Talk to you tomorrow! :-)

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Mom and Dad - Time to Grow Up!

I don’t write many entries that are “venting” in nature, but I think it is time adults, especially parents (especially Christian ones) need to grow up a bit. Let’s go ahead and throw down the proverbial Christian trump card and get it out of the way – I know no one is perfect (myself included), but it does not give us the liberty to continue being childish!

What am I talking about? The ridiculous childishness that IS adulthood.

Not for nothing, but as a teenager one reason I looked forward to being adult was being rid of the high schoolish “Do you like me?” Check ‘Yes’ or ‘No’, he said/she said, "I don’t want to be judged", "I want to be loved", “do I look good enough?” drama! At 31, I now see that that reality does not exist…

• Parents lack backbone to teach their children appropriate, God-based morals for fear of offending someone. It’s no wonder kids and teens are so confused. Schools tell them “safe” is better, tolerance is mandatory (and intolerant people, most notably Christians, are widely ignored and looked down upon), love is blind (which it is NOT), entertainment should be mindless (none of it is made mindlessly, why should we watch it and not question it or its messages?) and that the best guide in life is their heart (which, as Scripture and our own stories affirm, changes day to day and often times leads us to do wrong just to be happy). Parents TEACH and model for your children Godliness!

• Gossip! He said/she said is alive and well in the world of adults. They even Facebook, Twitter, blog and YouTube their disdain for others! Really? Even in the church Gossip is rampant (the worst of the offenders – those who lift up info about others as a “prayer request”). Here’s a pretty good rule of thumb – if the person you speak of is not in the room, don’t talk about them – PERIOD. This includes doing it at the dinner table or in small talk with your teens/kids!

• Parents many times are vindictive and juvenile. Don’t believe me? Just today a story was posted about a high school cheerleading coach who posed nude for Playboy. People knew about it (except the school administration apparently) and said nothing – that is until a couple kids didn’t make the cheerleading squad. So, what did the parents of the teens who were cut do? Print the pics and put them on the principal’s desk! Nice. Not at all immature. Do I condone what the teacher did? No – if she wanted to do that, she should have resigned, and then did it (though, again, I do not think she should have done it at all). However, the parents’ response is despicable to me. So, what’s the lesson for our teens? When someone is doing wrong keep your lips shut until you can use it as blackmail later to get what you want. Check.

• Parents who want to be cool with their kids (note the handful of cases where parents have bought alcohol and such for their teens and their friends). Don’t get me wrong, I am (and want to be) my son’s best buddy, but make no mistake about it – I am his father! That God-given role is the most unique relationship he has in his life right now, until he gets married. My job as his father, my wife’s job as his mother – our collective job as parents – is to teach Truth, model integrity and Godliness, and lead them in the way they should go, even when they don’t get it (and they won’t many times – we didn’t!) and don’t want it (which they won’t, so they think – they’ll thank you later though).

• Parents who say with their lips “it’s not what outside that’s important but what’s inside” all the while dolling up their teen or looking in the mirror themselves and complaining about their wrinkles, extra curves, or losing the battle with gravity. It’s no wonder teen girls (too include some in my youth group) think looks are everything and view aging as something ugly and in need of avoiding at all costs.

I could easily go on, but I’ll stop for now. Parents, please, please, please take a moment to heed this post. Ask God to open your heart to it and your eyes to it. Be willing to ask “do any of these describe me in any way?” If so, pray God to change your heart with each new day to reflect Truth, real love, integrity and a heart bent toward Him!

“There is much more we would like to say about this, but it is difficult to explain, especially since you are spiritually dull and don’t seem to listen. You have been believers so long now that you ought to be teaching others. Instead, you need someone to teach you again the basic things about God’s word. You are like babies who need milk and cannot eat solid food. For someone who lives on milk is still an infant and doesn’t know how to do what is right. Solid food is for those who are mature, who through training have the skill to recognize the difference between right and wrong." (Hebrews 5:11-14)

“When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things." (1 Corinthians 13:11)

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Image borrowed from http://www.healthline.com/blogs/teen_health/uploaded_images/1577697374_e9a0f7f9dc_m-736343.jpg

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It's Not About Being Good

In our do-good American culture, our love for God compels us to teach our kids that a major part of being a Christian is being a “good person”; however, this lesson is usually very misguided.

There are plenty of good people (though “good” is actually a relative term… but that’s a whole different entry for another day) who are not believers. So what distinguishes us (Christians) from the rest of the good people? What makes us distinctly Christian? Is it our good deeds? No, but this is the sort of thing we unintentionally teach our children when we tell them to be good people.

We are often do so well at focusing on being good, that we unintentionally camouflage our faith from the world! Then when people look at us and say “he/she is a good person” and their words of praise are all about us, not the One who changed our hearts.

Case in point: My wife and I were talking about her work place and discussing who might be followers of Christ. When it came down to it, she really did not know because of how incognito the believers seemed to be. Even many of those who she knew were Christians seemed to be in hiding, only revealing their faith in their good deeds. The only real way to know for sure was to ask them.

I'm not saying we should be people who do not do or teach good. However, when our "good" is the only measurable tool the public has to go on for determining our faith, it is DANGEROUS ground.

So What Should We Do/Teach?

There is a great part in the movie Fireproof that is a good illustration of how we ought to function in our work places and how people ought to know us. Kirk Cameron’s character (a non-Christian firefighter) is talking with another non-Christian firefighter about life and death. Without giving you the whole conversation, suffice it to say that Kirk’s character mentioned another firefighter in their unit who is a very strong believer and works hard to make that known by his words, actions, and lifestyle. He said (referencing the Christian firefighter) “what he believes may be hard to believe, but you got to admit - he’s the real deal.”

Our lessons to our kids and lifestyles ought to reflect the words of John Piper who states that believers ought to seek to “make much of Christ.” This doesn’t mean we go around saying “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus…”, but what it does mean is that we intentionally seek to make MUCH of Him in our lives.

• When people come to us for advice, we share with them from Scripture.

• When we make decisions on life, we try to look at this life through the lens of Scripture (in other words, we develop a Biblical Worldview).

• We don’t live self righteous lives (“I’m less of a sinner than so-and-so” or “at least I go to church” or “I am a good person…”), but instead practice GRACE. We don’t seek to get “what’s mine” or “what’s due to me” but instead serve, love and give regardless of who notices (and do so with absolute joy)!

• We seek to be intentional in loving God! Too often we set out to love God only if it is convenient, then justify ourselves in front of the world when we fall short (“No one’s perfect”). As DC Talk once said on one of their albums… “that is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.”

Teaching good behavior alone is not Biblical. Teaching "do right", alone, is not Biblical. We do "good" things as a way of worshiping. We ought to be living daily to make much of Christ and teaching children to live the same way!

Christ is the visible image of the invisible God. He existed before anything was created and is supreme over all creation, for through him God created everything in the heavenly realms and on earth. He made the things we can see and the things we can’t see - such as thrones, kingdoms, rulers, and authorities in the unseen world. Everything was created through him and for him. (Colossians 1:15-16, emphasis mine)

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“WARNING!” “DANGER WILL ROBINSON!” “ALERT! ALERT!” “CODE RED”

I recently found this article online, called “Dating Question: Are You Having an Emotional Affair” and could not help but comment on it. (READ THIS ARTICLE!)

I think this article is right on. It doesn’t matter if you’re a teen, college student or married – this article is for you. So often people do not realize they are crossing any lines with the opposite sex because, let’s face it, as people we can justify anything we want.

“He’s/she’s just a friend”

“There’s nothing wrong with a little harmless flirting”

“It’s just talk… there’s nothing more to it.”

“What? I can trust them… I just need someone to talk to…”

For Teens and Singles… this is a valuable article for you in that it helps you see where you may be crossing the line emotionally. Not keeping our words, intentions or emotional attachments in check is dangerous territory. Check out my blog entry called “Abstinence is Wrong” for more on this.

For Married Folk… this is an extremely helpful article for you. Rarely do people intentionally set out to have an affair; they occur over a period of time where we slowly give part of ourselves to someone other than our spouse. REMEMBER – the greatest lessons we teach our children is the one’s we LIVE OUT in front of them. Teach them what it is to love, cherish and honor your spouse (even when they’re not around them).

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Abstinence is Wrong

When you encourage your teen to “abstain,” what is it, exactly, that you want them to abstain from? Yes, we should be advocates of sex after marriage for our children, but what about all the “stuff” that leads up to the sex? What about the intimate/lustful thoughts? The kissing? The making out? The touching? The caressing? The passion? The selling-out of the heart (allowing feelings to develop and grow for a person)?

Abstinence is wrong for three reasons: (1) it's all about limiting... God is not about limiting, but abundance (sex is a God-given intimacy that should be ENJOYED... in the right relationship, at the right time, with the right person)! (2) It has more of a push to save the world from STDs and unwanted pregnancies. Both are good causes, but what about the rewards of loving your future spouse more than yourself? What about loving God and displaying that love with a Godly lifestyle? (3) It falls seriously short of confronting the real issue - the heart. It's not just a sex thing, but a heart thing. Who is ultimately being loved?

To a large degree, the pursuit of true love that champions patience, truth, right/Godly living, protection (as in protecting the other person in the relationship’s thoughts, hopes, bodies, etc.), etc. has been lost. To say it another way – the pursuit of purity has been lost because, relationally speaking, it is not God whom people try to please or worship in their relationships, but instead it is either their significant other or themselves.

As parents we know these struggles our teens face and it would be wise of us to empathize with them and let them know that what they think about and struggle with is common!! Sexual relationships are God-given and desiring to be part of one is NOT sinful… however, what happens from there is where the temptation and dangers lie. Checkout 1 Corinthians 10:12-13… it’s a great reminder to us that temptation is common and an encouragement to us that since it is common we are not alone (we aren’t the first to face it, and won’t be the last).

So how can we guide our kids/teens? What are some things we can do/say to lead them toward purity (loving God with all our heart, mind and soul – in other words, with the way we live our lives)?

#1... It is never too early to teach purity.

The key to teaching about purity is not about teaching rules or limits. Purity is about us seeking to worship God with every facet of our life (1 Cor. 10:31 – from the same chapter as the temptation passage above). It’s all about learning to love God more than anything else and seeing His world as He created it, especially marriage. It’s funny that the same culture that keeps selling the myth of self pleasure (find what makes you happy and go after it) is the same one where marriages are crumbling and true love seems to be an unobtainable dream. Rabbit Trail: Of course that culture has also influenced the church and now the divorce rate in the church is almost even with that of those outside of it. Why? Instead of seeking purity, people seek Burger King theology: “My way, right away” and lose sight of what God has in store for us in marriage… I digress.

Purity is something we ought to model and encourage our children from day one. SHOW THEM what it looks like to love God with every aspect of your life. DEMONSTRATE humility when you fall short and mess up by seeking forgiveness (how else will they come to know and understand unconditional love and forgiveness?). Get them excited about marriage by making your spouse the #2 priority in your life, with God being #1. Pray for them and their future spouse!

#2... Purity starts in our thoughts. What are our teens thinking about? What do they think about love, dating, physical touch, etc.?

YES – it is very awkward talking about oral sex, “feeling” under clothing, “French kissing,” lustful thoughts of the opposite sex and sexual intercourse (to name a few). BUT IGNORANCE IS NOT BLISS! Our teens are hearing about these things, seeing it (it’s on the internet, in music videos, video games, movies and on public TV – the new 90210 on CW showed a suggested scene of oral sex in its series premiere), wondering about it and thinking about it a lot! Who is going to be their teacher? Who is going to teach them a good, solid, Biblical worldview on these matters? The parents – it is our calling and obligation… period.

As awkward as it is – start by bringing it up. Offer your teen an open forum! Tell them they can talk to you any time about any of those topics without consequence. If you haven’t heard from them about it after a while, bring it up again and check in on them.

There are two key ways to help teach them (and us as parents, for that matter) protect their thoughts: (1) Be cautious about what we let in (whether heard, seen, etc.), (2) teach about real love, real intimacy, Godly marriage, the privilege of loving someone more than themselves, etc. Again, we’re not trying to put restrictions on our teens (though there are times that is necessary since many times they aren’t capable of making the right choices because their minds are still developing), but to help them see down the road – about a life and marriage committed to God and one another.

#3... When it comes to touching – what do your teens think is “the limit” (how far is too far)? What do you think is “the limit”?

Based on 1 Corinthians 7:1-5 (READ THIS PASSAGE!) and what I’ve personally enjoyed in marriage I am an advocate for no touching until marriage. This is a VERY prudish statement today, I know. Even Christians are probably asking out loud as they read this “NO TOUCHING?!?!?” or screaming “that’s not realistic!” I am aware it may seem out-of-touch (however, my question to that is “out of touch with who? God? The world where the divorce rate is climbing and people are opting out of getting married all together?”) and is far easier said than done. I’m tired of seeing marriages crumbling and I think it’s time we face the fact that going after what we want with little to no patience (or worship for that matter) isn’t getting us what we (or God) want in the long run. Most people desire an intimate relationship that lasts, but how can that happen when at its inception the relationship is founded on selfishness (fulfilling my desires now versus in a committed, loving marriage as God designed)?

“What’s wrong with innocent stuff, like kissing?” Nothing – God designed it. Three points, though: (1) What's "innocent" and according to what/who do you define innocent? Innocent is a relative term - it changes as our desires allow it to. (2) If a husband kisses a woman who is not his wife – most would agree there is a problem with it (the Bible calls it adultery). Teens may not have a spouse at the moment, but they will (most likely) one day. Instead of thinking about loving themselves by fulfilling their desires right now, why not teach them to love their spouse by respecting their own bodies (after all, after they’re married, that body belongs to their spouse)? (3) Why kiss? To show affection? Why not teach teens how to love and show affection without kissing? That helps protect them now, makes kissing that much more intimate with their spouse later and teaches them how to be affectionate in other ways other than just sex after they’re married.

To be transparent… Because most parents (if not all) did not meet this standard when they were dating (myself included), they feel as if it’s unfair to impose it on our kids. This could not be further from the truth!!! Our goal as parents is not to restrict our kids from fun – we are trying to enhance it! We are trying to help them enjoy the full benefits of a sexual relationship in the right relationship – marriage. To enjoy all that it has to offer while enjoying the benefit of a spouse that has pledged their commitment, loyalty and protection to them. We should not set the bar lower because we didn’t meet it. We use our story and shortcomings and the example of our present marriages now to encourage our kids to put their future spouses above their desires now.

#4... When it comes to influences, I think it’s important that parents take a proactive approach in their teens lives.

Ask them: “who are some of your favorite music artists?” “What are some of your favorite movies?” “What sort of things do you look for in friends?” Then ask follow up questions, like “Why?” I talked to a very “clean cut” girl the other day that is raised in church and has a SOLID family life. I asked her – “who is your favorite music artist?” and she replied “Soulja Boy” (whose music is filthy, degrading to women, morally bankrupt, etc.). Knowing her parents, I think they’d be beside themselves if they actually read some of his lyrics and knew what he was saying.

To be clear - I’m not about censorship, but I do think there is a time when parents NEED to be a censor. There is also a time for teaching and hearing out a teen, and using that conversation as a way of explaining why certain lyrics, philosophies, worldviews, etc. are wrong and what Truth really is and why they should embrace that over a selfish, narrow-minded worldview.

This concludes the Dating/Love/Relationships series… I hope you enjoyed it. I know a lot of what was said in it is often debated (after all, it’s not a new conversation). Even if you disagree with me on some or all points, I pray that at a minimum it at least challenged you and got you thinking. I know it has me… my wife and I talk almost on a daily basis about teaching this stuff to our own children. We don’t always agree, but we both go to bed together in prayer asking God for wisdom and praying for our children, that at the heart of all of this they will desire to love God more than anything else.

Beginning Monday I am going to try to start posting daily (mornings are my goal) about popular topics in culture, news, etc. Also, because of the frequency of the posts I will begin making them shorter, too. Stop by daily as a part of your news fix!

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What Is Dating and When Should It Happen (or Should It?)? (A Guide for Parents and Thoughts for Teens/Singles)

The funny thing about dating is that if you ask people “what is dating?” you’ll hear a variety of answers. I ask this question of teenagers quite regularly and here is a small sample of the answers I’ve received over the years:

• Spending time with someone (I asked what happens when that relationship ends, they usually reply “find someone else”)
• Looking for a husband/wife
• Having fun
• I don’t know – you just like [someone] and hangout with them

So to ask “what is dating” is a rather ambiguous exercise because no one (even adults) really knows – they just do it. It’s pretty much certain, however, that you will see the following present in the majority of dating relationships:

• A title/declaration (my girlfriend/boyfriend/“just dating”/“playing the field”)
• Spend time together in special activities (movies, dinner, carnival, etc.)
• Friendship (often putting other friends second to the bf/gf of the moment)
• Best sides are put forward (typically masking/not disclosing those silly quarks – or real issues)
• Alone time (it’s not a real “date” unless the couple is alone somewhere)
• Emotional intimacy (the sharing of feelings, hopes, dreams, faith and more)
• Physical relationship (hand holding, hugging, kissing, making out, sexual intimacy)

To cut to the chase (since there could be much conversation here), it honestly seems like the only real factor that changes a male/female friendship from friends to “dating” is the physical relationship. Yes, emotional intimacy can be another difference, but it alone is not something exclusive to the dating relationship (friends can be emotionally intimate – often the reason for the “best friend” title). Besides that, when’s the last time you heard someone say “I’d love to share my hopes, feelings and dreams with you – would you be my boyfriend/girlfriend?” It’s more like friends one minute – start holding hands or kissing and “now we’re boyfriend and girlfriend” (or visa versa – change titles from friends to bf/gf, therefore, our new entitlement is physical intimacy).

To illustrate my previous point further (that is, there is no clear understanding of what dating is or parameters for practicing it), I hear the following statement a lot: “I do like him/her but I don’t want to go out with them because I’m afraid it would mess up our friendship.” Really? I thought that was kind of the whole point of marriage – to marry your best friend (so to speak) and grow closer together in that friendship. Besides that, *sarcasm alert* what could possibly happen in a dating relationship that would “mess up” your friendship? Ah, yes… physical intimacy. Once you cross certain lines (expressing love physically) it is kind of hard to go back to “just friends.” Therefore, the “friendship” is, indeed, often times ruined.

Dating can (and should) happen without physical intimacy. Yes, I know that seems archaic and out-dated considering how many of us as adults included it in our relationships and the fact that this type of thinking is almost laughable today. However, to those who are married I pose one question: do our present spouses feel more loved, valued and cherished because we tested others out (physically) first? Sure, we learn from our mistakes, but I have yet to meet a Godly couple that looks back and says “man, I’m glad we had so many partners (kissing or more) before we got married. It makes me feel so loved to know that I’m not the only one on your lips.” (If you’re like me right now, that last statement actually makes you slightly angry/upset/disturbed, whether it is at yourself or the thought of someone else having had the chance to cherish your spouse as you do now). This is why I wholeheartedly believe that we need to teach our CHILDREN (no matter their age) about the value of marriage as God designed it (not “following their heart”) and guide them to a Godly model of “dating.”

Godly dating (or “courting” as this model is often called) ought to set out with friendship as the goal and foundation, while removing physical intimacy until marriage. It puts the relationship in its proper place and encourages the couple to truly put the other one first. It practices from the beginning everything 1 Corinthians 13:4-9 (the “love chapter”) rejoices in:

• Patience
• Kindness (to the future spouse, future children, etc.)
• Proper practice (“does not act improperly”)
• Selflessness (much harder road than dating’s selfish “what’s in it for me, now?”)
• Rejecting that which could hurt, now or later (namely sin)
• Is excited by Godliness (“no joy in unrighteousness”)
• Living in Truth (versus secrecy or deceit)
• Fighting for real love (“bears, hopes, believes and endures all things” – real love is never easy)

No where does it say that practicing physical intimacy is necessary for this type of love to be experienced. Physical intimacy, instead, seals and expresses in a purely unique way our commitment to our spouse (hence the reason God said the “two become one flesh”). No one else is designed to enjoy such intimacy with our spouse. It is single-handedly the most amazing, unique relationship mankind can enjoy (even above the parent-child relationship because the only two people who can enjoy each other with such intimacy is the husband and wife).

Parents, as I mentioned before, this is not a new methodology. It’s a Biblical approach to a relational system (dating) that has gone way off path, become purely selfish (all about me) and lost its vision (there is very little mention of the future in dating anymore – it’s about the here and now). It places the emphasis back where it was originally designed to be - on marriage (not the here and now)! Yes, this seems like an impossible and unlikely task - like trying to out run a locomotive or leap a tall building in a single bound, without Superman's powers. No one said parenting biblically would be an easy task. But we join together, bathed in prayer, as we work to lead our children to amazing marriages and times of worship (now and later with their own families).

So how do we work AGAINST a system so firmly established in our culture (a confused pattern of dating is in all our movies, music, shows, books, schools, etc.)? We’ll cover that next week when I talk about “What to teach our children.”

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"Dating is Divorce Practice"

I was reading the book "Family Driven Faith" by Voddie Bauchum recently and in it he makes a pretty blunt, but profound statement... today "dating is nothing more than divorce practice” for later.

Divorce practice?

Today teens date until they lose interest. As soon as someone better looking/more interesting or fun comes along – they’re gone. As soon as the relationship gets boring – they’re gone. As soon as they don’t get along as well as they did before – it’s over. No working through things. No compromise. Why? A few reasons…

• Why work through it? It’s easier to move on.

• Poor models make for poor examples. Children see, children do. They see moms and dads bail out all the time, why can’t they?

• Too young to be dealing with those issues/not capable of making the right choice. Not for nothing, relationships are complex and not for the faint of heart. 16 year olds (no offense to my 16 year old and under audience) are not capable of wrestling with these issues – nor should they have to! They’re still two years away from being able to be legally married. More on this later.

• Not much thought goes into who to date; therefore, not much thought is put into making it work. Also, if not much thought is put into who to date, then the reasons for the splits are sometimes legit because they find out more about the guy/girl after dating a bit; however, this stuff is able to be discovered before giving them so much room in their heart.

This is where parents come in. Should we have expectations of our children and their relationships? Absolutely! Scripture demands it (parents are to be intentional in the discipleship of their children… growing “little Christ’s” – those who worship and follow the Savior) and, believe it or not, your kids are looking for them. They want to know what “dating” is and how to do it. They want to know the dreams and desires you have for them – that you are on their side and praying for them and their future spouse.

Because this is such a lengthy topic, I plan to do a four part series in the blog about “dating” and the Bible (teaching parents to teach children about dating).

Part 1 – What is dating and when should it happen (or should it?)?

Part 2 – What to teach our children

Part 3 – The purity myth/Abstinence is Wrong

I plan to do this topic for a few reasons: (1) As a youth pastor the dating/boyfriend/girlfriend topic is the one requested the most by teens. Why not teach parents how to teach it to your kids so that they hear it at home AND at church! (2) Our message to our kids/teens is too ambiguous and jumbled up – it changes from adult to adult. This should not be the case! (3) To examine Scripture and make sure we have a Biblical vision and approach to leading our children in “dating.”

Because there is so much interest in this topic I will try my best to get more than one entry out per week, but that all depends on my schedule. I will try to have Part 1 out by Monday of next week.

A word of encouragement to my fellow parents: I am not a perfect parent (nor have I ever claimed to be). My heart’s desire is like yours – to worship God and lead my family to Him. I have had successes (I think) and I have had failures (I'm sure of it). I have no idea what’s in store for my children and their relationships, but I pray they will always know my wife and I pour our hearts out in prayer for them and that they will desire to worship God with their future spouses. I don’t write these blog entries as a proven method, but as an intention to seek and lead my children in worship. I write this as a tool for both you and my wife and I as we labor together in teaching our children to “love the Lord, our God, with all [their] heart(s), mind(s), and soul(s)”. Pray for us and we commit to pray for you as well.

Until the next entry… Blessings!!!

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