Culture and Your Teen/Child (From Focus on the Family and CPYU)

The following article is a dialogue between the folks at Focus on the Family's Plugged In and CPYU's (Center for Parent/Youth Understanding) founder Walt Mueller. This is a great read for parents regarding cultural influences and your teen (or children). Featured in the article: #1 Thread in Most Teens' Lives, Mass Media Use, What Is the Biggest Influence in a Teen's Life in Today's World (not surprising, but also not what you might have expected as an answer), and more! GREAT READ... check it out! (This article was written by Adam R. Holz and originally appeared on the site for Plugged In.)
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There are probably very few people on planet Earth who spend as much time thinking about popular culture's influence on young people as Walt Mueller. For more than 30 years, Mueller has been digging deep into how our society's stars and scandals and trends shape the values and behaviors of teens and tweens—and on how parents and children can connect meaningfully during this sometimes tumultuous season of life.

"There is a widening cultural-generational gap that needs to be closed," Mueller notes. "On one side stand parents and adults, many puzzled and scared by the rapidly changing world of children and teens. ... On the other side stand children and teens longing for parents and other significant adults willing and able to help them through the confusing maze of today's youth culture, leading them to an emotionally and spiritually healthy adulthood. I'm convinced it's a gap nobody wants."

To help close that gap, Mueller founded the Center for Parent/Youth Understanding in 1990. He's also written seven books on the subject, including Understanding Today's Youth Culture, Youth Culture 101 and his latest, The Space Between: A Parent's Guide to Teenage Development.

Adam R. Holz: What trends are most influencing teenagers in 2009?

Walt Mueller: A lot of times we look for behaviors—you know, how many kids are doing this, how many kids are doing that, who is sexually active, who isn't. But what I have tried to do lately is to dig a little deeper, to peel back the layers to look at the matters of the heart. Because it's the heart that influences all those other things. As I and those I work with at CPYU have done that, one thing that we've seen more than anything else recently is a single thread woven through the fabric of kids' lives and youth culture: the thread of narcissism.

Narcissism involves a constant obsession with self which really, at its root, is idolatry. It's replacement of the Creator with the created thing—the created thing in this case being the self. And narcissism is about having everything in life focused in service of self and the glory of self rather than bringing honor and glory to God.

Related to that is materialism. When we moved out of the '80s into the early '90s, some commentators were writing about the fact that the so-called "me" decade was over with, along with the rampant materialism that came with it. But that has absolutely not been the case. Materialism still runs deep and wide, and I think it's more ingrained now in the lives of young people and adults than it's ever been.

Holz: How do you think the social networking revolution, as well as mobile communication such as texting and tweeting, are impacting how young people relate to each other?

Mueller: Today's kids have a greater ability to communicate with other people than any other previous generation. You can stay connected 24/7. That can be a great thing in terms safety, in terms of parents communicating with their children. And I think the church is learning how to harness these technologies to help spread the gospel as well. At the same time—and I think research is beginning to show this—it's easier now for people to retreat into physical aloneness. The great irony is that, while this is the generation that has the greatest number of tools to stay relationally connected, they are also one of the loneliest and most isolated generations ever. For many of these kids, when you finally shut everything down, they don't know how to live in the silence and listen to God. And I think it can affect their relationships in some bad ways.

But I would never say that these technologies are an evil thing. I have always encouraged parents and youth workers to see all that stuff as a neutral—a cell phone is a neutral thing, an iPod is a neutral thing, Facebook is a neutral thing—but it depends on how we are using it. Are we using these things to serve the kingdom of the world, the flesh and the devil? Or are we using them to serve and build the kingdom of God? If we become consumed by these things, it can really hurt us deeply. Many people think the answer is to get rid of the technologies when in fact what we have to do is manage them in ways that are healthy and positive and bring honor and glory to God.

Holz: In a world where kids have so many media and entertainment options, do you think popular music is as significant a shaping force as it might have been for previous generations?

Mueller: I would have to say no. I grew up in the late '60s and '70s, and music, for the most part, was it. It was music and television. In the '80s, it was music television. But MTV isn't even about music anymore. What we see now is a shift in which the media world has just exploded in both platforms and types of media. Thanks to social networking sites like MySpace, there are more outlets for music than ever. Kids' tastes have become a lot more unique

Holz: And fragmented?

Mueller: Very fragmented. And so, as a result, you don't have that large, overarching music scene or artists whose albums everyone is buying and listening to. Take Michael Jackson, for example. We just don't have megastars like him anymore.

Holz: Do you think anything has eclipsed music in terms of cultural influence?

Mueller: I would say marketing. Product placement is in everything these days: music, movies, TV. When that's combined with the narcissism and materialism we've already talked about, it's a formidable force. Today's kids have significant disposable income, which is one of the reasons that the youth culture is the most targeted market segment of all. So marketing is the greatest influence because it really is shaping young people's values, attitudes and behaviors.

Holz: How do you think marketing shapes more than just our decisions to buy this or that?

Mueller: The average person sees between 3,500 and 7,000 marketing messages a day. None of us are going to buy all those products—not that day, that week or even in our lifetime. But we will have ingested marketing messages that sell a certain way of looking at life. In that sense, advertisements don't just sell products. They sell a worldview, a way of thinking about life and living life. Especially when it comes to young people, it's this constant barrage of ads that's shaping who they are. These days, I spend a lot more time than I used to telling parents to monitor marketing and helping parents talk to their kids about how to ask good questions about marketing. We have to help our kids learn to manage the world's constant marketing messages so that the marketing doesn't manage them.

Holz: What would you say is the best approach for parents to use in helping their teens navigate this world, and what is the balance between protection and avoidance?

Mueller: Navigating and protection—that is always a precarious balance to strike. We want things to be easy. I have been raised, we have all been raised, in a world where you push a button or you take a pill and everything is fixed. But it's not that easy. Kids have hearts and minds of their own, we can't drag them screaming and kicking into God's kingdom. So now what I have to do as a parent is discern where each of them is at. I have four kids of my own. And each one of them is very different. Because of that, they may need different boundaries, different parameters to both equip and protect them. That means I have to be constantly observing and listening to my kids. So, along with my wife, I have to know the world they live in and begin to try to figure out how each child is going to respond to the influences we see there.

Holz: What has that process looked like in your family?

Mueller: As a parent, you always have to look in the mirror first. You've got to know yourself. And if we hope to know ourselves well, we have to be washing and bathing ourselves in God's Word all the time. I often say that if we want to point our kids in the right direction, we have to have the truth coursing through our own veins. Jesus said that out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks. It has to be that way for us to speak truth and for that to flow out of our lives as well. From that foundation, we can begin to talk to our kids about making good choices, seizing every opportunity to teach that we encounter with them.

For example, when my oldest son, Josh, who is now 23, was entering his teen years, he came to me and said, "I heard this great band today, Dad. A friend of mine played this song, and I wonder if I can get the CD?" I asked him what the band was, and it was Green Day. Rather than react negatively, I asked, "What song did you like?" After he told me, I said, "You know, Josh, that song is actually about—and this may embarrass you—but it's about masturbation." He said, "Really?" So I said, "Let me give you something to read on this band. When you're done, let me know what you think. He read the article, and he was old enough to work through it and come to the conclusion that he didn't think he should be listening to that band. So instead of just saying no, I gave him parameters that encouraged him to engage and think critically for himself. And then we talked about it.

I believe that process is key when your kids come to you with an interest. If they express interest in something that you know isn't good or positive, don't overreact. Rather, respond calmly. Think with them and calmly walk through this process with them. They don't naturally know how to do that on their own; it's not inherent in who they are. We had to learn that process too, and now we have to teach it to them.

So remember that your kids are in process and this is going to take some time. Sometimes they will buck the system in terms of what you are trying to teach them. But don't lose sleep over it. Continue to pray for them and continue to walk them through it and talk them through it because that, I believe, is what leads to lasting heart change, not just compliant behavior.

Holz: What would you say to parents who feel overwhelmed by the speed at which the culture in changing and the ways new media and technology are influencing their kids?

Mueller: Well, first, I would say that I understand. I would also say that God has given us a wonderful opportunity by allowing us to live today to shape the way our generation and younger generations respond to these challenges.

In His incarnation, we see that Jesus was a particular man sent by God to a particular place at a particular time with a particular mission. It's the same for us. We are not here by accident. It is by design. We are particular people called by God to be at this particular place in this particular time to deal with these particular things.

Given those truths, we do well to remember that God hasn't called us to live with a spirit of fear. If we believe in God's sovereignty, we'll be biblically concerned and respond realistically rather than having an alarmist pessimism that forces us to separate from the world. Ultimately, being ruled by fear of what's happening around us isn't going to help anything. Yes, there are going to be things we have to say no to and walk away from. Sometimes, we do have to think for our kids and work to steer them in another direction. That is a responsibility God has given us as parents.

But I always tell parents, never forget that one of the great joys of parenting is that God parents you while you parent your kids. If you were to graph your life struggles and graph out the growth points, the greatest growth often takes place in times of confusion, frustration and suffering. You see that when you look in the rearview mirror. So embrace the opportunities.

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"College: It's All About Gettin' Your Drink On!"

Considering today's social norms it really should not be much of a surprise that incidents of binge drinking is on the rise; however, when you see that of the college students polled almost HALF (45%) have engaged in the activity in the past month it is cause for some serious alarm.

Binge drinking is the consumption of alcohol with no thought of the consequences or responsibilities involved in drinking. It is drinking to the point of passing out, blacking out, losing most cognitive faculties (namely the ability to think rationally) or, worse yet, poisoning or death. It is one of the leading causes for vehicle deaths among college students and assaults (to include sexual assaults).

The article I linked above posed some very good reasons why this increase is happening, but of those listed I believe the most significant reason (that even they point out) is: culture. It is socially condoned, accepted, approved of and encouraged (especially in the media) to “be young,” party, “throw your inhibitions to the wind” and forget the world a while. Rap artist Asher Roth even wrote a tribute song to the socially accepted party scene called "I Love College" (see the lyrics here - explicit lyrics!). Drinking, getting hammered, trashed or wasted is an accepted, social norm - a part of life. Even those who have committed crimes while drunk are more easily forgiven than those doing it sober (as if the drinking excuses the actions or make said actions understandable).

Most teens and college students have no clue how to actually have fun without “liquid courage” (hence the reason Girls Gone Wild has copious amounts of alcohol on hand when filming… very few girls would do what they do on camera without the alcohol). For those that do try to have fun sans alcohol see the fun they have as a lesser fun because the rest of their peers are out drinking or often feel like outcasts when the rest of their peers would rather be at the bar or club (or hosting drunken parties).

Just recently I spoke with a 20 year old female college student who has living arrangements with family but plans to move out in the fall to “have a real college experience.” I asked her what’s a “real college experience” and she said having parties and such all the time (she wanted to live in a house that was a center for partying among her circle of friends and acquaintances). I asked her why she thought that was so important and she said “because it’s what you do when you’re young. This is the only time in your life to do that sort of thing.” She has bought into a social lie and despite my warnings and pleadings with her that the lifestyle she is choosing will have consequences (if nothing else later when she, as a mother, begs and pleads with her own children to avoid this lifestyle) she shrugged me off saying “I won’t let that happen – I’ll be smart about it.”

Of course she will be different. They’ll all be different. That’s this culture’s responsible mantra: “just don’t let it be you.”

To Those Who Are Part of This Lifestyle Now (or want to be): I know consequences won’t happen to you – you will party through college (and/or high school) and graduate with honors, get an illustrious career and have the All-American family. Let’s just say for a moment that “it” does happen to you though (consequences). Let’s say any of the following happen:

• You drunkenly decide to drive (you never would have done that sober) and you are caught. Or worse yet, kill or hurt someone. Was it worth it?

• You pass out drunk at a party and are assaulted. Was it worth it?

• You host a party at which someone is assaulted or leaves drunk and kills or injures someone. Was it worth it?

• You’re caught drinking and driving and lose your license and people won’t hire you because of your record. Was it worth it?

• Your kid one day asks you “Dad/Mom – did you party and get drunk in high school? Can I?” or as they are strolling the internet (you have no control over who puts what on the internet) or old pics and stumble across pictures of you drunk in compromising acts. Was it worth it?
  

Many times our picture of the end justify our means; namely, "I won’t get hurt and no one else will either, therefore, it is worth it." Or "something might happen, but it won’t be that bad and I’ll learn my lesson then." Problem is, you have NO control over anything; no control over what happens or what the consequences are. Once the fire is lit, the damage is done. You cannot undo it.

PARENTS: Forget the ridiculous conversation about whether drinking is Biblical or not. It doesn’t matter. Teach your teens and children to love God with all their hearts (Phil. 4:8). Teach them to ask about everything they do: “is what I’m about to do the best possible way for me to love and worship God?” Be living examples of what that question looks like.

Want to join the conversation? Click here to comment or ask a question!

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State of the Blog Address

My son is home from school today so I am not updating my blog with a new entry, per se. Stop by tomorrow... I will be doing will be an inter-blog experiment! My Twitter friend Tami (a worship leader from Illinois) and I will be dialoguing about the state of Christian music, taste/musical preference, worship and more. Check that out sometime tomorrow! Until then... here are some blog highlights:

• Since I started tracking page hits and such (around August of 2008 or so) the C2 blog has had over 2,200 visits. 630+ of which are actually returning readers!

• The C2 blog has been visited by at least one reader from 14 countries!! That is mind boggling! (U.S., U.K., India, Pakistan, South Africa, Australia, Ireland, Canada, Belgium, Sweden, Hong Kong, Ukraine, Taiwan, Netherlands)

• The C2 blog got its first award (given by reader Gracie)!

Here are the most popular posts for one reason or another (check them out in case you missed them in the past) - they are still being read even today! Here they are in order of popularity:

High School Musical "Get's Dirty"

Abstinence is Wrong

What Kind of Happy Meals are They Selling?!?!

"WARNING!" "DANGER WILL ROBINSON!" "ALERT! ALERT!" "CODE RED"

Peter Pan, Harold and a Crayon and Heaven

Time to Man Up!

NBC's New Show Steals its Story Straight Outta the Bible

Mom and Dad - Time to Grow Up!

What to Teach Our Children/Teens (About Dating)

Jesus Spinning Vinyl

Interesting Campaign By Skechers


Don't forget to sign up to Follow the C2 Blog on the right (or subscribe to our RSS Feed, also on the right)!!

Again, I created this blog to be a dialogue about culture and our faith, as well as to be a tool for parents in using culture as a conversational point with children and teens regarding their faith. I really had no idea what to expect when I started this ministry, but it has become far bigger than anything I could have imagined! Thanks for stopping by!!!!!

Talk to you tomorrow! :-)

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High School Musical "Gets Dirty"

Corbin Bleu (the actor who plays Chad Danforth in the HSM trilogy) in Entertainment Weekly (#1042), says it is time for him to “shake off some of that nice-guy, wholesome image.” How does he plan to do that? Beginning this fall he will be starring with Mischa Barton and Elle Macpherson in the CW’s new, risqué, drama The Beautiful Life.

Referring to his costar Zac Efron’s recent, racy photo shoot with a topless woman in Interview magazine (called "Zac Efron Gets Dirty" - a double entendre), Bleu continued: “We can’t be the teenagers we were in High School Musical forever, as much as our parents want that. Zac is serious about taking his career to the next level.”

I know this is nothing new; we see it all the time of young actors: Miley Cyrus, Jessica Beil, Ashley Tisdale, Britney Spears, Justin Timberlake, Vanessa Hudgens, Shia Labeouf, etc. But a few questions:

• Since when is it more mature (grown up, if you will) to start stripping off clothing and baring it all?

• Since when is it the more mature decision to be involved in projects that exploit sexuality versus modeling true love and relationships (the kind that actually take work, commitment and integrity)?

• Since when is it mature to blow off your obligation to your younger viewers who, yesterday, you used and begged to spend their money to buy tickets to your show and take home your merchandise (without whom you’d still be “that guy trying to make it big”)?

• Since when is being "wholesome" or trustworthy or good a bad thing? Is your career really that important that you'd rather be known as anything BUT virtuous?

I’m not saying teen/child actors should cater to the Disney 'Tween crowd forever. What I am saying is that if they spend the beginning part of their career being somewhat “wholesome” (and somewhat encouraging the same of their audience), they ought to be conscious of the roles they choose to grow into as an “adult.” They don’t have to go extremes to prove they are not a kid anymore. Stripping naked, drinking and cussing and trying to force their “maturity” down their audience’s throats is no more grown up than a teen standing in a crowded room and stomping their feet while yelling “I AM AN ADULT! I AM!” Instead it ought to be their acting and mature, responsible role choices speak for themselves.

To Corbin, Zac and the Rest of Young Hollywood following suit: These are just the thoughts (my take) of a father with two young children who desperately wanted to be your fans, but I wouldn’t let them for this very reason. I’m sad to say “I knew I was right” for protecting them from your product and career.

Want to join the conversation? Click here to comment or ask a question!

Image borrowed from: http://movies.yahoo.com/photos/featured-movie-stills/gallery/891/high-school-musical-3-senior-year-stills%23photo10

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What To Teach Our Children/Teens (About Dating)

Ok, to start with – I know we’ve all “fallen short.” It is highly unlikely that anyone reading this (to include myself who is writing it) has practiced this out to its fullest. This could be for a variety of reasons (not knowing, poor decisions, etc.), but this should NOT keep us from teaching our children (and leading them by the way we conduct ourselves in our marriages/single life now) a Biblical model/approach to “dating.”

I was recently talking with a young man (under 15) about girls. After joking around a bit about dating and such he revealed he “liked” a certain girl. So I asked him what the plan was and he said “I don’t know – I’m not sure what to do.” I asked if he wanted to be her boyfriend and he said “I guess.” So I asked what would be different about their relationship if they were boyfriend and girlfriend or just friends. He said, very honestly, “I don’t know – I don’t know what it means to be a boyfriend.”

Here is a young teenager willing to admit what most teens/single adults aren’t – that there really is no clear understanding of what it means to “date.” Basically teens reach an age where girls/guys are no longer “gross” but captivating and when that happens they think the next logical step is to start exploring those feelings by dating.

What is dating?
What do you do on a date?
What makes dating different from friendship?
What does a girlfriend/boyfriend do? What is their job?
What do I do with all these natural feelings of captivation for someone of the opposite sex?

I could easily stretch this list further, but you get the point. So how can we better equip our teens (or our children before they reach this stage) for this phase of life? There are some key lessons that we ought to be instilling in our children (before they get to this phase) and our teens as we help navigate them through this phase:

1. Teach WORSHIP. Every aspect of their life is an act of worship. Teach them to ask “is what I am doing/about to do a true demonstration of my love and commitment to my first love, my God?” Teach them to want to honor God (Deuteronomy 6:4-5), honor you (the parents, Exodus 20:12), respect/love their future spouse (1 Cor. 7:2-5, Eph. 5:33), and to want to make God’s Name great by the life they live day-in-and-day-out (1 Cor. 10:31).

2. Teach God’s plan: marriage! Today dating functions completely independent of real love (1 Corinthians 13:4-8): Godliness/righteousness, commitment/loyalty, integrity, patience, selflessness, etc. “We can sleep together, experience the most intimate parts of each other, move in together, get a dog together, maybe have a kid together… but no marriage because that is too serious and I’m not ready for that.” God’s plan from the very beginning was for us to move toward marriage – we are relational people by design; however, we are to experience those benefits of relationships in the right relationship, at the right time, in the right place. As parents this ought to be the deepest desire of our hearts for our kids – even above worldly/temporal success. Money fades, accolades fade, degrees only mean something while we’re alive… marriage is the beginning of an amazing, Godly journey. When/if children become part of the picture it becomes a generational, Godly journey – to raise GENERATIONS of worshippers! Teach Godliness and righteous living above even worldly success.

3. Teach SEX! There, I said it… SEX!!!!! What in the world has happened that the most amazing and intimate act possible between two people (created by God) has become taboo to say in the church?!?!? There is nothing wrong with sex – at all! Tell your teens that! They’re so scared of the word that they won’t even say it in church and when it is talked about they giggle uncomfortably! They’ll watch it all day on MTV and in movies, sing about it crudely in their songs (I’ll spare you lyrical examples), but talk about it in the way it was intended to be and it’s taboo! Tell them about ALL of the sexual connections – kissing, hand-holding, touch, sensuality and tell them how amazing it is… IN THE RIGHT RELATIONSHIP, with a spouse who is committed to you and are moving in the same direction relationally (toward God). We’ll talk about this more next week in the “Purity Myth.”

4. Teach friendship. John and Abigail Adams (the 2nd president of the U.S.) had one of America’s greatest love stories. Often separated because of John’s political career and lack of speedy transportation, the two wrote to each other often (over 1,100 times!). In his letters to his wife John would often address his wife as “My Dearest Friend.” What an intimate, sensual and romantic term of endearment! Today teens define whether they are “dating” someone based on whether or not they touch – hold hands, hug more than others, kiss, make out, etc. Sure, they are friends with their bf’s/gf’s (boyfriends or girlfriends), but what makes them a true “couple” is their ability to do stuff they don’t do with their other friends. Lost is the idea of how to be true friends. Lost is the idea of how to enjoy each others company without taking it to a physical level. If dating is learning the other person to determine if both partners desire to commit to one another and grow together, then why is any physical contact necessary? That is something they can experience and learn together as husband and wife.

5. Teach boundaries. We’ll talk about this more next week.

6. Teach how to date. Discuss with your spouse when you think a solid age range is for dating to be acceptable. At a minimum people cannot be married until 18, so it makes no sense for a 15 year old to become consumed in a dating relationship. All that does is put them in a position for greater temptation. When a “dating” relationship does begin (that is, both the boy and girl decide they are both mutually attracted to one another and want to explore that relationship further) put some parameters in place (most of these ought to be in place anyway when it comes to a guy/girl “hanging out” together):

• Set the standard (teens ought never engage a dating relationship with someone who is not equally committed to God - this is dangerous ground)
  
• Always be in light and public (darkness and privacy allow the possibility of temptation to act inappropriately on God-given/natural feelings)
• Date with crowds (go places with friends/groups)
• Set out from the beginning to protect his/her future spouse and their present walk with God
• Pray for one another
• Involve parents and Godly friends (hiding parts of their relationship makes is dangerous)
• Keep friendship the focus

7. Set a dating plan. Together (both parents and the teen) set up a plan for dating (maybe after reading the book suggested below): define dating, things that are ok in a relationship, how a date ought to treat/respect them, how to worship in the midst of dating, accountability, boundaries, etc. This way the teen has some ownership in the plan and can share their feelings about the plan versus feeling like their parents don’t understand. It also opens the channels of communication with your teen from the beginning and lets them know you care, are praying for their future marriage/mate, and are available to listen any time.

There is much more that can/should be taught, but time and space is short. So as an exercise I encourage you to read the book “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” (by Joshua Harris) with your teen. Take it at a comfortable pace and set time aside to talk about it (maybe after every chapter or two). Go out for coffee or ice cream or something and talk about this regularly!




Pray for my wife and I as we begin now with our 8, 6 and 2 year olds (at least teaching and demonstrating marriage, daily worship, etc.)… and I promise you’ve already got our prayers! We petition and plead on behalf of you and your children regularly! Next week… “The Purity Myth”

Want to join the conversation? Have a question? A comment? Click here to chime in!!


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What Is Dating and When Should It Happen (or Should It?)? (A Guide for Parents and Thoughts for Teens/Singles)

The funny thing about dating is that if you ask people “what is dating?” you’ll hear a variety of answers. I ask this question of teenagers quite regularly and here is a small sample of the answers I’ve received over the years:

• Spending time with someone (I asked what happens when that relationship ends, they usually reply “find someone else”)
• Looking for a husband/wife
• Having fun
• I don’t know – you just like [someone] and hangout with them

So to ask “what is dating” is a rather ambiguous exercise because no one (even adults) really knows – they just do it. It’s pretty much certain, however, that you will see the following present in the majority of dating relationships:

• A title/declaration (my girlfriend/boyfriend/“just dating”/“playing the field”)
• Spend time together in special activities (movies, dinner, carnival, etc.)
• Friendship (often putting other friends second to the bf/gf of the moment)
• Best sides are put forward (typically masking/not disclosing those silly quarks – or real issues)
• Alone time (it’s not a real “date” unless the couple is alone somewhere)
• Emotional intimacy (the sharing of feelings, hopes, dreams, faith and more)
• Physical relationship (hand holding, hugging, kissing, making out, sexual intimacy)

To cut to the chase (since there could be much conversation here), it honestly seems like the only real factor that changes a male/female friendship from friends to “dating” is the physical relationship. Yes, emotional intimacy can be another difference, but it alone is not something exclusive to the dating relationship (friends can be emotionally intimate – often the reason for the “best friend” title). Besides that, when’s the last time you heard someone say “I’d love to share my hopes, feelings and dreams with you – would you be my boyfriend/girlfriend?” It’s more like friends one minute – start holding hands or kissing and “now we’re boyfriend and girlfriend” (or visa versa – change titles from friends to bf/gf, therefore, our new entitlement is physical intimacy).

To illustrate my previous point further (that is, there is no clear understanding of what dating is or parameters for practicing it), I hear the following statement a lot: “I do like him/her but I don’t want to go out with them because I’m afraid it would mess up our friendship.” Really? I thought that was kind of the whole point of marriage – to marry your best friend (so to speak) and grow closer together in that friendship. Besides that, *sarcasm alert* what could possibly happen in a dating relationship that would “mess up” your friendship? Ah, yes… physical intimacy. Once you cross certain lines (expressing love physically) it is kind of hard to go back to “just friends.” Therefore, the “friendship” is, indeed, often times ruined.

Dating can (and should) happen without physical intimacy. Yes, I know that seems archaic and out-dated considering how many of us as adults included it in our relationships and the fact that this type of thinking is almost laughable today. However, to those who are married I pose one question: do our present spouses feel more loved, valued and cherished because we tested others out (physically) first? Sure, we learn from our mistakes, but I have yet to meet a Godly couple that looks back and says “man, I’m glad we had so many partners (kissing or more) before we got married. It makes me feel so loved to know that I’m not the only one on your lips.” (If you’re like me right now, that last statement actually makes you slightly angry/upset/disturbed, whether it is at yourself or the thought of someone else having had the chance to cherish your spouse as you do now). This is why I wholeheartedly believe that we need to teach our CHILDREN (no matter their age) about the value of marriage as God designed it (not “following their heart”) and guide them to a Godly model of “dating.”

Godly dating (or “courting” as this model is often called) ought to set out with friendship as the goal and foundation, while removing physical intimacy until marriage. It puts the relationship in its proper place and encourages the couple to truly put the other one first. It practices from the beginning everything 1 Corinthians 13:4-9 (the “love chapter”) rejoices in:

• Patience
• Kindness (to the future spouse, future children, etc.)
• Proper practice (“does not act improperly”)
• Selflessness (much harder road than dating’s selfish “what’s in it for me, now?”)
• Rejecting that which could hurt, now or later (namely sin)
• Is excited by Godliness (“no joy in unrighteousness”)
• Living in Truth (versus secrecy or deceit)
• Fighting for real love (“bears, hopes, believes and endures all things” – real love is never easy)

No where does it say that practicing physical intimacy is necessary for this type of love to be experienced. Physical intimacy, instead, seals and expresses in a purely unique way our commitment to our spouse (hence the reason God said the “two become one flesh”). No one else is designed to enjoy such intimacy with our spouse. It is single-handedly the most amazing, unique relationship mankind can enjoy (even above the parent-child relationship because the only two people who can enjoy each other with such intimacy is the husband and wife).

Parents, as I mentioned before, this is not a new methodology. It’s a Biblical approach to a relational system (dating) that has gone way off path, become purely selfish (all about me) and lost its vision (there is very little mention of the future in dating anymore – it’s about the here and now). It places the emphasis back where it was originally designed to be - on marriage (not the here and now)! Yes, this seems like an impossible and unlikely task - like trying to out run a locomotive or leap a tall building in a single bound, without Superman's powers. No one said parenting biblically would be an easy task. But we join together, bathed in prayer, as we work to lead our children to amazing marriages and times of worship (now and later with their own families).

So how do we work AGAINST a system so firmly established in our culture (a confused pattern of dating is in all our movies, music, shows, books, schools, etc.)? We’ll cover that next week when I talk about “What to teach our children.”

Want to join the conversation? Have a question/comment? Click here to begin!! :-)


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Confession of a Teenage Girl

First, my apologies for the delay in posts. My children and I have been trading sickness back and forth for the last two weeks, so much of my time has been consumed with caring for sick children or resting. We all seem to be getting better so hopefully posting will resume as normal.

I love teenagers! They’re the most unique species (yes, species… I know what I mean) alive, in my humble opinion. They’re bold, lack tact, speak their minds, risk big (of course, at times, sin big, too), love big and genuinely care, though not always being able to show it. I love being a part of teens’ lives as they wrestle with BIG stuff: faith, love, family, etc. Recently, in exploring the blog-world I stumbled across a real treat from a teen I’ve never met and know nothing about. While I enjoyed reading many of her entries, one in particular stood out to me. She entitled it “Father of Glory” and its honesty and depth were very profound. I haven’t been able to get it out of my thoughts, so I decided to share it with you all… I pray it blesses you like it did me.

FROM “BIBLEGEEK” (posted September 18, 2008):

father of glory

“so, i was talking to God today...

oh, it's such a relief to be able to start out a story with that! i feel like i could just leave that there and be done 'cause that amazes me. not because i haven't been doing that recently (which i haven't) and not because i think it'll make me sound cool or anything ridiculous like that. but simply 'cause i can talk to God! honestly, there's absolutely no logical reason for Him to bother listening to me. i don't deserve to be able to talk to Him.

i've been ignoring Him. though, that's not exactly abnormal for me. but i was pouting because God wasn't talking to me anymore and i was kicking myself because i hated that it seemed like i was stuck in the past and moping that things aren't like they used to be.

it came down to me saying, "God... i want to talk to You. i want to come back. but i don't want to see it that way. it seems every time i decide that's what i want it lasts for a few hours and then i slip back into complacency. i don't want to try it if it's not going to work." i didn't expect an answer. after all, i hadn't heard from Him in a while.

"stop trying so hard."

i sighed. "what else is there to do?"

"abbie..." He reminded me that trying things on my own was useless.

i knew He was right. is He ever not?

we kept on talking and i felt the reserve in His voice. i realised how much all of this had hurt Him. my ignoring... my pretending... that struck. hard. i hurt God.

"God. i... i'm sorry. i shouldn't have done this to You. it's so easy to get into Bible scholar mode and talk about You but then walk out of the room and forget to talk to You. but it's wrong."

He forgave me, of course. but i still felt sad.

the conversation continued, but it was subdued, quiet. but a good quiet. i had a lot to think over. but at one moment i mumbled something and then regretted it. not because it was something wrong but because my mind immediately flipped the words around in my head and came up with a better way to say it.

"err... sorry. God, why do i always do that? why do i flip words around in my head? it's not like someone's going to write a book about everything i think and then criticise my sentence structure."

"because you're a writer. that's what I created you to do."

i bit my tongue and decided not to argue this time. "are you saying You want me to write this down?"

"I want you to give Me glory."

"hrm..."

i thought about that for a while and said, "God... honestly, i don't know if i want to give You glory."

"abbie, do you love Me?"

what an absurd question... "yes!" i cried, "You know that i love You."

"then do you want to give Me glory?"

i did love God. and because of that, i wanted to do what He wanted. "yes. yes, i do."

after a while. "God?"

"yes?"

"You know that verse i've memorized for bible class today... in it, paul calls you 'the Father of glory.'"

"yes..."

"so i've been thinking about that. if You're the Father of glory... then... it's not like glory's Your kid... but in the very least it belongs to You... exclusively, right?"

"yes."

"so... when we give glory to something else... like i've been giving it to myself recently... does that mean we're stealing from You?"

He didn't give me a verbal answer, but He knew i didn't need one.”

______

50% Student/Employee, 30% Internet/Online Community Member/Video Gamer, 10% Family Member, 9% Athlete/Club Member (for students), 1% Christian

Unfortunately, the above numbers are typically more true, than not; in particular the 1% Christian part. I don’t believe Christians set out to be 1% Christian, but somehow their lives have developed so that only 1% of their time/effort/thoughts are Christ-centered, the rest is merely “life.” This is what I refer to as “Categorical Christianity.” Categorical in that they live their lives in categories: “right now I am being an employee, later I will be a student, after that I will be a Christian.” Yes, I know that Christians rarely throw away their title of “Christian,” but rarely do I see it influence or become the foundation of the other “areas” of their lives (with the exception of maybe being persuaded to be more moral – not doing as many “bad” things). In family life, relationships/marriage (to include deciding WHO to marry), school, work, online communities and other areas/categories, faith is something that is typically done on Sundays (and occasional Wednesdays or other days). Here’s how this (categorical Christianity) plays out in everyday life:

• Christians support rights more than Biblical standard (such as a well known Christian politician supporting a woman’s rights over protecting the lives of unborn children)


• Christians choose to date/marry non-Christians rather than pursue a relationship where God is supreme according to both partners (yes, I know many non-believing spouses become believers because of their spouse’s faith, but so to do many marriages crumble because of such foundations… it even crippled a nation – checkout King Solomon dividing Israel in 1 Kings)


• Christians embrace being entertained above purity, choosing to accept and allow movies, music, television, fashion, etc. into their lives that rarely reflect anything of Godly character


• Christians choose to work (or anything – school, clubs, sports, etc.) over church (yes, I know – “you don’t have to go to church to be a Christian,” but obviously it must have some sort of importance otherwise Christ wouldn’t have created it… this is another conversation for another time, so I’ll digress for now…)

These are but a very FEW examples (I didn’t even really touch family, friends, school, jobs, etc.). In each of these examples, a Christian’s faith is categorized – separated from their lives and/or decisions. I’m not saying Christians should live according to a bunch of Christian rules and regulations, but that their so-called “faith” (the “Rock” upon which they are supposed to build their lives) ought to be the foundation for their lives and decisions. That it ought to be: more important than anything else, the goal/drive of their lives and the place from which they make their decisions.

“Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it--he will be blessed in what he does. If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless.” (James 1:22-26)

And that’s what being a 1% (Categorical) Christian is all about, Charlie Brown…

Protesting Sexuality?

Over the weekend a member of our church emailed me about a gentleman who is petitioning our local mall to ask its Abercrombie and Fitch store to remove an inappropriate picture from the front of its store. Since getting that email several local news stations have picked up the story and have aired further coverage on it, to include others’ view of the ad. To be clear, I have never been a fan of Abercrombie. I like their clothing (the kind that actually covers bodies in a stylish fashion, not the kind that appear to be suffering from an apparent fabric-shortage), but struggle supporting what they endorse and stand for, so I never shop there.

So... I am writing this entry for a few reasons: (1) Clarify why I support the petition, (2) to discuss where I think the petition is lacking, (3) and to call on Christians to take this a step further.

Why I Support the Petition:

First, I appreciate that the petition is addressed to the Triangle Town Centre Mall. I do not petition Abercrombie (as I’ve already stated – they are who they are and the only thing that speaks to them is $$... sales are up, so nudity and sexually suggestive ads and catalogues will be too), but I do petition the mall to enforce its own code of conduct. Patrons and models in window ads ought to meet the same criteria for appropriateness. If any ad (regardless of store) does not meet their criteria for decency (as established by their posted codes of conduct) then the mall ought to enforce its policy. Regardling their claim that the ad is "legal" - of course it is legal. It's private property, they have the "right" to post almost anything they want. The issue is not whether or not it's "legal" but whether or not it's appropriate.

Second, I think all people ought to work to protect innocence (or in America’s case, reinstate it) and sexuality. Some opponents of the petition state that people shouldn’t protest sexuality – I agree wholeheartedly. However, this ad isn’t “sexuality,” it is voyeurism and it objectifies sexuality (instead of celebrating it in its right place and relationship: marriage).

Third, I appreciate that the petition is simple in its request: move the picture inside the store and put a more appropriate one in its place (such as one that has, oh I don’t know, a picture of their clothing in it – I digress). It is a very smart and reasonable request that doesn’t try to regulate or legislate the store’s morality (or lack thereof).

Fourth, it is a well organized campaign that, for the most part, keeps the main thing the main thing: making the mall a family-friendly place.

Where I Think the Petition's Reasoning Falls Short
I think my main issue with the petition is a fairly minor one that deals more with the petitioner’s argument. I believe the originator of the petition and complaint, Mr. Jimmy Stopper (I love the irony of his last name with this issue), makes a hasty generalization in his appeal to the public for support by claiming (in CAPITAL LETTERS) that “every child is FORCED to look at [the picture]”. I agree that the picture (as are several pictures/ads in the mall from time to time) is inappropriate and ought not to be available to the eyes of the general public. However, to claim that anyone is “forced” to look at it is entirely inaccurate and an irresponsible use of wording. All that sort of claim does is seek to appeal to the emotion which inevitably evokes an emotional response from all sides that rarely meets in the middle for dialogue.

Call on Christians to Take It a Step Further
I am not here to encourage readers to sign the petition themselves (that is a personal call). There are bigger issues at stake here that I want to address that have nothing to do with picketing, boycotting or petitioning: namely the worship of the One, True God with our whole hearts, minds, souls and strengths. Matter of fact, if worshipping and following Him were happening, there’d be little to no need for any sort of protesting actions. So my call is to Christians of all ages (in particular those who typically consume culture blindly, arguing, “they’re just clothes – I don’t support what they stand for”) to CONTEND FOR THE FAITH with your lives.

Live…
1. …like GOD matters more to you than anything else.
2. …like He is the Creator and gives us the responsibility to not only be (responsible) consumers/participants of culture, but to also be creators and influencers of culture!
3. …like we have a choice in who and/or what we worship by choosing to walk the “narrow path” that leads to Life.
4. ...lives of integrity (in public or private, with our choices of entertainment and clothing, in our relationships, etc.).

For more info about the petition/advertisement…

The Petition’s Page (Move the Picture):
http://www.movethepicture.com/index.php

One local news station’s coverage of the petition:
http://www.abclocal.go.com/wtvd/story?section=news/local&id=6303025

And that's what "protesting sexuality?" is all about Charlie Brown...

Christian Teen Pics - What Now?? (The How)

Ok, so it happened again. It’s been a little over a week since my last entry. I apologize. With summer here my life is packed with Youth Group planning and events, leaving very little time to blog. That will change in a few weeks when school resumes – so please be patient with me. :-)

Now on to PART 2 (and final part) of “Christian Teen Pics.”

Ok, so we get it – many “Christian teen” lifestyles are anything but Godly. What can we (they) do to remedy this? While my list is no doubt unoriginal and far from exhaustive, it is a start and good reminder to us all about being CONTENDERS for the faith (Jude 3) and lovers of God (Deuteronomy 6). For the most part I address the list below to teens, but parents and others feel free to use it how you see fit.

1. Starts with Parents. Yes, teens make their own choices to live the lives they do, but as parents we have to check ourselves as well. (1) Ask yourself: “Are they simply copying what they see in my life?” (2) Talk with your teens – do you even know what’s on their pages? Their friends’ pages? What’s going on when they’re “just hanging out with friends?” (Note: Giving teens “their space” doesn’t mean being completely removed from their lives or online lives. It means giving them space to make decisions while guiding them and catching them in love when they miss the mark. Trust me – ignorance is NOT bliss.)

2. Your Future Spouse. What about your husband/wife? Yes, I know (teens)… you are not married. However, make no mistake about it – your demonstration of how much you love your future spouse starts NOW! I can’t imagine my wife (or online internet surfers either, for that matter) being comfortable with seeing suggestive pictures of me online (yes, I am having trouble not laughing at this even as I type it). Respect your future spouse enough to protect what will belong to them alone (read 1 Cor. 7:4).

3. Accountability. Get some friends in your life who are willing to say the hard stuff to you, who are willing to point out when you are crossing the line (checkout Prov. 22:6). Another way to help keep you accountable is making your online profiles (all of them) available to your parents to check out. Ask Godly adults or teens whose opinion you respect (because you know they’ll be honest with you) to give you feedback about your online profiles or lifestyle choices from time to time. Partner up with another Christian friend and challenge each other to live lives of truth and faith (hold each other accountable).

4. Challenge yourself to commit to God ABOVE ALL THINGS (even if it means not doing the things everyone else labels as “ok”, “good” or “acceptable”). Our loyalty is to our Creator above all else – to include friends.

5. Love God. Learn now what your faith and relationship with God mean to you. Learn to love it more than anything else. Demonstrate that relationship with God in your other relationships and character (to include your private and online life).

6. NEVER COMPROMISE (never be willing to give up) ANY part of your relationship with God for anything else. Remember – sin takes ALWAYS takes us further than we want to go, leaves us longer than we want to stay and costs us far more than we were willing to pay.

Now the decision is yours. What kind of Christian teen are you going to be? The kind that lives one life in title (“I’m a Christian” or “Jesus Freak” or “Washed by the Blood” or “Sold Out Believer” or whatever other title you might use to describe your faith) and another in practice (talk like heaven and live like hell)? Or are you going to be the kind that sets the standard and challenges their friends to live lives of hope, as well? You can’t have both… a decision must be made. Trust me, the world around you can already tell what your decision is just by the way you live your life…

And that’s what “Christian Teen Pics - What Now” is all about Charlie Brown…

Christian Teen Pics

Craziness! Teens partying/drinking (usually beer) and taking risqué pics of themselves and posting them all over the internet for the world to see is not new news (sad, but true). And at no point do I expect Christians to be perfect, but over the last several weeks I’ve stumbled across (and for the record it wasn’t that hard) many of these partying and/or racy pics that either feature “Christians” (at least according to their profiles or the fact that they've said they are) or are featured on a Christian’s page/profile. Since I only have so much space and you so much time/attention (take your pick), I cannot fully address this topic in a blog article but will address each of the two subjects (partying/drinking and sexually suggestive pics) with a few points.

Alcohol and Christian Teens:
To clarify, I am referring to pics (and behavior, whether pics are taken or not) that show teens partying with alcohol (regardless of what type of party it is).

1. Honoring the Law. Even if the Bible is not anti-drinking (though this is a sensitive conversation by itself), it is all about honoring the law and the last time I checked underage drinking is illegal. To even be around that practice makes you guilty by association (as my dad used to tell me growing up – a lesson which is a reflection of Biblical teaching and one I wish I had listened to at a younger age – if you don’t want people to think you’re doing something wrong, then don’t be around it).
2. Witness. “There’s nothing wrong with it if I’m not drinking. Plus, how will I witness to non-Christians if I don’t hang around with them.” Let’s go ahead and call this what it is – an EXCUSE (especially the second part)! Most Christians have about as much intention in witnessing to their intoxicated friends as the “legalize marijuana” people do smoking Pot for medicinal purposes. Not to mention the fact, what witness do you have left after being associated with illegal activity? I digress…

Suggestive Pics and Teens:
These pics are hard to define as they show up in many forms: posing in underwear/bathing suits/suggestive/revealing clothing (usually in a mirror or holding the camera away and posing for themselves), posing in suggestive positions or poses with friends, statues, props, people, etc., making sexually suggestive faces or gestures, girls acting romantic with other girls (and at times, guys with guys), etc.

1. “God gave it to me, why not use it/show it off”. First, as Christians we are NOT our own, you were bought at a price (1 Cor. 6:19-20). Second, is that WHY God gave it to you? Last I checked we were told not to be consumed in outward looks (not that it is unimportant), but instead drawing people’s attention to God, not our bodies (1 Peter 3:3-4). Third, your “showing it off” makes it difficult for viewers (especially guys) to fix their thoughts on things above (Col. 3). Be honest with your actions – you are intentionally tempting your fellow brothers/sisters (in Christ) to look and think inappropriately about YOU (and misleading Lost people about what it looks like to be a follower of the Christ Who saves).
2. These pics are seen by many more people than just intended audiences (facebook and MySpace safety features aren’t that good). And once you put them online, they are forever public. Vanessa Hudgens (HSM star) picture drama ring any bells? Nude pictures taken by her for a boyfriend (at 15 years old!!) are still making their way around the internet (4 years later).
3. Future Spouse. How thrilled is your husband (or wife) going to be knowing that their spouse took revealing and suggestive pics of themselves? Yes, you as a teenager are not married, but I think a little forward “one day” thinking would benefit you greatly… your body belongs to your future spouse (1 Cor. 7:4) not the world.
4. Sexually suggestive pics (posing alone or with others in suggestive manners) might be done in fun and with innocent intentions (“just being funny”), but as an outsider let me be blunt: I can’t tell if you’re just having fun or actually that promiscuous. Matter of fact, the only people who know what’s really going on in the pic are those who were there when it was taken. The rest of us (even if we think we know you) are left to guess if you’re just playing around or giving the world a sneak preview of what you’re really like outside the walls of the church. And if those that know you have to guess, it’s a pretty safe bet that those who don’t know you just assume your life is anything but God-honoring.

My intention is not to make you angry (though a reaction of any sort might be a start) or get you to be better at hiding said pics or behaviors. Instead it is to challenge you as teens to RISE ABOVE it! There is a myth that has been circulating for some time that “you are only young once” (and also in the form of “you’re young and stupid and going to make mistakes”) as if giving permission to be intentionally unwise in making decisions or ignoring the fact that consequences do not only attach themselves to those 21 and over. I recommend instead 2 Timothy 2:22:

But run away from the evil young people like to do. Try hard to live right and to have faith, love, and peace, together with those who trust in the Lord from pure hearts. (New Century Version)

Next blog: HOW to be a facebooker/myspacer with Godly-integrity and drive (or the parent of one)… (COMING SOONER THAN A WEEK, sorry for the long delay between the last post and this post, but because of its nature wanted to take my time writing it)

Until next time, that’s what “Christian Teen Pics” are all about Charlie Brown…

8 Ways to Be an Offensive Christian (without being Offensive)

“The greatest, single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians; who acknowledge things with their lips, but [walk out the doors of their church] and get on by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.” (From the D.C. Talk album Jesus Freak)

I LOVE THAT QUOTE! It is absolutely true… Christians are some of the most offensive beings on the planet. They preach and get excited about a faith that many of them refuse to live themselves. They offer guidelines for living, but rarely live by them. They get angry with people who habitually sin differently than they do. They expect lost people (those who do not believe) to hold to the same morals and standards the Bible does when they have little use for such standards (if they do not believe in God, why would those morals mean anything to them anyway?). They preach about loving others and not gossiping when they themselves are typically the biggest culprits.

IT IS TIME FOR THIS TO CHANGE!!!! How can we expect a lost world to find value in a God that we only value with our lips? So on that note, I taught a lesson this last Sunday (in our youth group) about being an offensive Christian for the RIGHT reasons and challenged my students to come up with a list of guidelines for living such a life. So here is their blended list:

8 Ways to Be an Offensive Christian (without being Offensive)
Authors of each are in parenthesis.

1. Respect the values of others, while questioning the reasoning behind them (High School: Sara J, Drew G., Ashley S., Ian H., Sam A., Brandon W., Cierra D., Catherine B.)

2. Be willing to discuss issues with people, while warning of the possible consequences (High School: Sara J, Drew G., Ashley S., Ian H., Sam A., Brandon W., Cierra D., Catherine B.)

3. Be willing to challenge messages in media versus accepting them blindly (Jr. High: Trandon J., Tre R., Christian R., Ben O., Nadzeya P., Amanda R., Cameron M.)

4. Be honest and hard working students (desiring to raise the standard) (Jr. High: Trandon J., Tre R., Christian R., Ben O., Nadzeya P., Amanda R., Cameron M.)

5. Be a Christian influence with friends (Jr. High: Trandon J., Tre R., Christian R., Ben O., Nadzeya P., Amanda R., Cameron M.)

6. Be willing to not watch or listen to shows, movies or music that have highly offensive messages or content (Jr. High: Trandon J., Tre R., Christian R., Ben O., Nadzeya P., Amanda R., Cameron M.)

7. Be willing to talk about and deal with sin in a loving and gracious manner (all of it, not just the easy stuff) instead of ignoring it or acting as if “that’s not my place to tell them that” (Christian)

8. Learn to love the world that God so loved by choosing to show faith (love your neighbor as a part of loving God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength – Matt. 22:37-40) versus just talk about it (Christian)

Good job students! Now the key is (for teens and adults alike) to challenge themselves to try to live out such a visible demonstration of faith, versus just talking about it…

And that’s what “8 Ways to Be an Offensive Christian (without being Offensive)” is all about Charlie Brown…

Response to Your Posts and How to Discuss This Stuff With Your Teens/Kids

I apologize for the delay in posts. I am planning on trying to update this more regularly from now on. I'm hoping to have 2-3 posts/week (maybe more!).
Good feedback in the comment forums - I especially appreciate the heart of the parent regarding the Katy Perry song (see that post here: http://christianthechristian.blogspot.com/2008/06/katy-perry-i-kissed-girl.html). I totally empathize with you - it is difficult!!! Especially today where these things are no longer taboo. As one of the anonymous commentors (I know, I know - "Commentator," but wanted to make sure it was clear I was speaking about one who "commented" on this Blog) stated - we have lost our moral compass.
I think the key is to be upfront with teens. NOT talking about it is not a choice. Matter of fact, waiting until it is an issue (reacting) may be too late. Innocence is rarely held throughout the childhood years anymore (and unless you lock your kids/teens up, this is the world we live in now). 3rd graders sing sexually-loaded songs (even referring to girls as "ho's") in their school talent shows now (yes, this REALLY happened in a local school) and tell the jokes I didn't hear until high school. So now, we as parents are put in a difficult position. Do we REACT as the situation calls for? Or do we become more proactive, talking about these things even if our kids/teens seem oblivious to them?
I say talk now! BRING IT UP... boy/girl relationships. Appropriate and inappropriate ways of expressing affection. Explain those wonderful, colorful words (yes, I do say this sarcarstically as there is nothing wonderful about them) and why they should not be used, EVER. Homosexuality in its proper perspective (not BASHING it, but being honest about it - it's not ok or a fun way to explore yourself). Discuss the sex stuff (not just where babies come from) - trust me, if you aren't talking about it with them, they're talking about it/hearing about it elsewhere (and in many cases trying it because "it's not actually sex, so it can't be bad").

ONE TIP FOR PARENTS... establish an OPEN DOOR POLICY. Tell your kids/teens they are ALWAYS welcome (and encouraged) to ask questions about ANYTHING and do not need to fear consequences for asking. No punishment, regardless of how graphic the question. This may be hard to do (trust me, my 8 year old has already said some words and had some talks with me that have made me blush and FURIOUS at the same time), but if they learn they cannot talk with you as parents then they'll find their info other places (along with help in establishing their own rules for what to do with that new info).
Know that I am praying for you (as I hope you are praying for me, as well). KEEP COMMENTING!!! I love hearing your hearts and thoughts.

COMING UP THIS WEEK: "How to be an Offensive Christian (without being Offensive)" written by the teens of Refuge, some movie reviews and more... until then...
that's what my response to your comments is all about Charlie Brown...

Katy Perry "I Kissed a Girl"

There is a new song growing in popularity across the country (radio, facebook, myspace, MTV, etc.) – “I Kissed a Girl” by Katy Perry. This song and its popularity raises many issues (outside of its homosexual content – which is another conversation in-and-of-itself) in need of discussing.

WHO IS KATY PERRY
“The next big thing” (Blender magazine) or “the one to watch” (TEEN People – yes, TEEN, as in “our primary audience is teenagers”), Katy Perry (real name, Katheryn, Katy, Hudson) is the 23-year old daughter of conservative Christian pastors. As a teenager she released her first album, the self-titled mainstream Christian album Katy Hudson (http://www.amazon.com/Katy-Hudson/dp/B00005OW88). Now with her new name and musical style, Katy is taking the pop world by storm.

THE SONG
I have no desire to be one of the millions that have or will share or link her song or video, so instead I will post a link to the song's lyrics. If you wish to hear the song or see the racy video all you need to do is go to your search engine of choice and type in her name and the song name – you’ll have no issues finding it. For the rest of you, here are the lyrics: http://www.moron.nl/lyrics.php?id=122622&artist=Katy+Perry&rated=2

POINTS OF INTEREST IN THE SONG (NOTE: read lyrics before continuing)
I’m not a big fan of lists, but it certainly beats reading (or glancing at) long chunks of unorganized dialogue. So, without further ado, here is my list:
1. For something so “natural,” it seems pretty difficult to do. She states in the song that girls kissing girls is just a part of human nature, yet she seems to contradict this throughout most of the song. First, in order to do the deed she needed to get her bravery on by downing some drinks (“I got so brave, drink in hand”). Second, the drink allowed her judgment to be impaired enough to “[lose her] discretion”. Third, she admits “it felt so wrong” (before telling her self it felt so right). Fourth, she states that girls kissing girls is “not how good girls behave” (implying that the right decision would be NOT kissing girls); however, the bad/cool/rebel girls test the limits and live on the edge.
2 .No big deal? Is it really "innocent"? That’s what Katy seems to lead listeners to think (or maybe she’s just trying to make herself feel better). Unfortunately, this is just a reflection of the world we live in – as long as you don’t kill someone and you do not hurt someone (“victimless crime”) it’s “innocent.” I bet her Christian pastor parents would beg to differ about the innocence and “big deal” nature of the song (as I’m sure they LOVE fielding questions about their daughter and her new song). I wonder if it will be just as “innocent” when her daughter desires taste cherry Chapstick, too? What if her boyfriend DOES mind (meaning, he’s not a big fan of sharing his girlfriend with other girls – or guys)? Is it still “innocent”? What if the girl she kissed minds and doesn’t like just being a nameless, “experimental game”? Is it still “innocent”? And if it really is so innocent, why feel bad/wrong about it (or feel the need to defend it)?
3. Hook-ups are cool!!! Friends with benefits rock!!!! This is the dominant opinion of the day and the obvious view of this song. If it looks too good to deny it, then don’t! Translation: “let’s just use as many people as we can to fulfill our own desires. We’ll act now, ask questions later… hopefully no one gets hurt in the process, but let’s not think about that now – on to the fun!” Hmmmm...
4. The loss of the big picture. The lifestyle promoted in this song leaves many victims and has left out the rest of the story. What consequences resulted from that night? How about the consequences in the years to come? What about living for others (putting their needs and ideals before your own)? What about enjoying relationships with people, not just using them? When our own satisfaction is the tool we use to determine what’s right and wrong it is very slippery slope! Pringles’ slogan (“once you pop you can’t stop”) is a pretty accurate description of what our desires look like (seen also in James 1:15) – they are rarely satisfied. As soon as what used to satisfy us lets us down, we need more to make us feel good again… until it is too late and we’ve crossed the line. Many times we’ve been over the line a long time before we see the consequences of those decisions.

WRAPPING IT UP
I like Katy’s voice – and the song is somewhat catchy (unfortunately - hence the reason many love it). There is no doubt that Ms. Hudson/Perry is talented; however, it also appears to me that she seems to be a confused young lady (as she even admits in the song). I believe we would be wise to follow the advice of Scripture (Jude 21-23) – love and pray for Katy, all the while keeping our own “discretion” while learning from the mistaken philosophy of this song and promoting a right/godly philosophy of life.

And that’s what Katy Perry’s song is all about Charlie Brown…

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