Ok, so I made my weekly shopping trip to the grocery store today with my youngest daughter (2 years old). Typically this is a trip in which I craftily navigate the aisles with list in hand so that I can try to get what we need as quick as possible (though I've got a lot of my mom in me, so I also want a deal and trying to be thrifty often slows my progress). After two hours (obviously not my fastest of trips) my shopping experience was drawing to a close and my baby and I were grabbing our last item (some ice cream!)... then it happened.
As my I was looking through the Breyer's, trying to select between Fat Free Chocolate or forgetting health consciousness and grabbing whatever I wanted (I chose neither and instead opted for Skinny Cow Chocolate Cones - good stuff!), a woman approached the same freezer to choose a frozen dessert. No sooner had she walked up that two guys passed between us taking several long, childish looks at her. One of them then looked at me and lipped silently (so she wouldn't know he was talking about her) "is that your wife?!?!". Puzzled by the question, I shook my head "no." He then replied in a whisper "I was gonna say... [putting his thumb up indicating approval] nice job, bro!! She [sic] hot!!!".
WHAT?!?! What if she were my wife? In what universe would I (or hopefully any guy) be proud that some random guy (or even one I know) just walked by and stared at my wife, as if undressing her with his eyes, then let me know he approved of her and our marriage? How is that complimentary in anyway? How did he think that would be a manly thing to do (especially with our daughter, if we were married or my wife was the one being oogled as if she were eye candy to be sensually enjoyed by anyone who walks by, right next to me)?
Need further evidence? This was posted in the comments section by a teenage girl not even two hours after I published the above post:
"That is really frustrating. I'm a 17 year old girl. Apparently I look a lot older. I don't dress provocatively and don't wear make- up, but yet when I go places sometimes guys ask me if I'm married, etc. It's even more frustrating when I catch them looking at me or have other people tell me that guys were "looking me up and down," when my friends and I go somewhere. There are some places that I don't even want to go to anymore, because of this. To me, it seems as though most guys only want one thing [sex], and that is really annoying."
"The Snack is Sacred." This is a slogan that was circulating in Spain in Burger King ads. While BK denies this ad was intended to offend anyone (the Hindu community especially), I'm not really sure how else a slogan like this can be taken, other than a jab at Hinduism or Indian culture.
Hindu Goddess Lakshmi (goddess of wealth)? check.
Goddess stationed above a Burger King burger? check.
Referring to a burger (made from cow) as "sacred" with a Hindu theme (when cows are considered sacred in India and definitely not eaten)? check.
Apparently slamming Mexicans, degrading women, selling sexuality to children (or their parents who apparently always think about sexy women and "square butts" as they consider their dinner options) and essentially ignoring any sense of morality is not enough for Burger King. So it's on to attacking various religions next. Checkout BK's official response (with very appropriate commentary from ad bloggers Ken Wheaton and Emily Bryson York in parenthesis):
"Burger King Corporation values and respects all of its guests as well as the communities we serve (You certainly have a funny way of showing it). This in-store advertisement was running to support a limited-time-only local promotion for three restaurants in Spain and was not intended to offend anyone (Oh, well that makes it perfectly OK, then, doesn't it). Out of respect for the Hindu community, the in-store advertisement has been removed from the restaurants (Translation: We were caught, and it's creating a PR headache, so we guess we'll go ahead and take it down. We would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for those meddling kids at the Hindu American Foundation!). "
Enough said. NOTE TO THE EXECUTIVES AT THE HEAD OF BURGER KING: I think it is past time to call a meeting and regroup. I think it is official that the image of BK is nothing short of trash. This is not to say I had much respect left for your company following the sexually-charged ads for kid's meals, but if there was any left it is now effectively gone. Until you pull it together and decide families, faith and children are valuable to your company, my family will have no part of your restaurants.
When you encourage your teen to “abstain,” what is it, exactly, that you want them to abstain from? Yes, we should be advocates of sex after marriage for our children, but what about all the “stuff” that leads up to the sex? What about the intimate/lustful thoughts? The kissing? The making out? The touching? The caressing? The passion? The selling-out of the heart (allowing feelings to develop and grow for a person)?
Abstinence is wrong for three reasons: (1) it's all about limiting... God is not about limiting, but abundance (sex is a God-given intimacy that should be ENJOYED... in the right relationship, at the right time, with the right person)! (2) It has more of a push to save the world from STDs and unwanted pregnancies. Both are good causes, but what about the rewards of loving your future spouse more than yourself? What about loving God and displaying that love with a Godly lifestyle? (3) It falls seriously short of confronting the real issue - the heart. It's not just a sex thing, but a heart thing. Who is ultimately being loved?
To a large degree, the pursuit of true love that champions patience, truth, right/Godly living, protection (as in protecting the other person in the relationship’s thoughts, hopes, bodies, etc.), etc. has been lost. To say it another way – the pursuit of purity has been lost because, relationally speaking, it is not God whom people try to please or worship in their relationships, but instead it is either their significant other or themselves.
As parents we know these struggles our teens face and it would be wise of us to empathize with them and let them know that what they think about and struggle with is common!! Sexual relationships are God-given and desiring to be part of one is NOT sinful… however, what happens from there is where the temptation and dangers lie. Checkout 1 Corinthians 10:12-13… it’s a great reminder to us that temptation is common and an encouragement to us that since it is common we are not alone (we aren’t the first to face it, and won’t be the last).
So how can we guide our kids/teens? What are some things we can do/say to lead them toward purity (loving God with all our heart, mind and soul – in other words, with the way we live our lives)?
#1... It is never too early to teach purity.
The key to teaching about purity is not about teaching rules or limits. Purity is about us seeking to worship God with every facet of our life (1 Cor. 10:31 – from the same chapter as the temptation passage above). It’s all about learning to love God more than anything else and seeing His world as He created it, especially marriage. It’s funny that the same culture that keeps selling the myth of self pleasure (find what makes you happy and go after it) is the same one where marriages are crumbling and true love seems to be an unobtainable dream. Rabbit Trail: Of course that culture has also influenced the church and now the divorce rate in the church is almost even with that of those outside of it. Why? Instead of seeking purity, people seek Burger King theology: “My way, right away” and lose sight of what God has in store for us in marriage… I digress.
Purity is something we ought to model and encourage our children from day one. SHOW THEM what it looks like to love God with every aspect of your life. DEMONSTRATE humility when you fall short and mess up by seeking forgiveness (how else will they come to know and understand unconditional love and forgiveness?). Get them excited about marriage by making your spouse the #2 priority in your life, with God being #1. Pray for them and their future spouse!
#2... Purity starts in our thoughts. What are our teens thinking about? What do they think about love, dating, physical touch, etc.?
YES – it is very awkward talking about oral sex, “feeling” under clothing, “French kissing,” lustful thoughts of the opposite sex and sexual intercourse (to name a few). BUT IGNORANCE IS NOT BLISS! Our teens are hearing about these things, seeing it (it’s on the internet, in music videos, video games, movies and on public TV – the new 90210 on CW showed a suggested scene of oral sex in its series premiere), wondering about it and thinking about it a lot! Who is going to be their teacher? Who is going to teach them a good, solid, Biblical worldview on these matters? The parents – it is our calling and obligation… period.
As awkward as it is – start by bringing it up. Offer your teen an open forum! Tell them they can talk to you any time about any of those topics without consequence. If you haven’t heard from them about it after a while, bring it up again and check in on them.
There are two key ways to help teach them (and us as parents, for that matter) protect their thoughts: (1) Be cautious about what we let in (whether heard, seen, etc.), (2) teach about real love, real intimacy, Godly marriage, the privilege of loving someone more than themselves, etc. Again, we’re not trying to put restrictions on our teens (though there are times that is necessary since many times they aren’t capable of making the right choices because their minds are still developing), but to help them see down the road – about a life and marriage committed to God and one another.
#3... When it comes to touching – what do your teens think is “the limit” (how far is too far)? What do you think is “the limit”?
Based on 1 Corinthians 7:1-5 (READ THIS PASSAGE!) and what I’ve personally enjoyed in marriage I am an advocate for no touching until marriage. This is a VERY prudish statement today, I know. Even Christians are probably asking out loud as they read this “NO TOUCHING?!?!?” or screaming “that’s not realistic!” I am aware it may seem out-of-touch (however, my question to that is “out of touch with who? God? The world where the divorce rate is climbing and people are opting out of getting married all together?”) and is far easier said than done. I’m tired of seeing marriages crumbling and I think it’s time we face the fact that going after what we want with little to no patience (or worship for that matter) isn’t getting us what we (or God) want in the long run. Most people desire an intimate relationship that lasts, but how can that happen when at its inception the relationship is founded on selfishness (fulfilling my desires now versus in a committed, loving marriage as God designed)?
“What’s wrong with innocent stuff, like kissing?” Nothing – God designed it. Three points, though: (1) What's "innocent" and according to what/who do you define innocent? Innocent is a relative term - it changes as our desires allow it to. (2) If a husband kisses a woman who is not his wife – most would agree there is a problem with it (the Bible calls it adultery). Teens may not have a spouse at the moment, but they will (most likely) one day. Instead of thinking about loving themselves by fulfilling their desires right now, why not teach them to love their spouse by respecting their own bodies (after all, after they’re married, that body belongs to their spouse)? (3) Why kiss? To show affection? Why not teach teens how to love and show affection without kissing? That helps protect them now, makes kissing that much more intimate with their spouse later and teaches them how to be affectionate in other ways other than just sex after they’re married.
To be transparent… Because most parents (if not all) did not meet this standard when they were dating (myself included), they feel as if it’s unfair to impose it on our kids. This could not be further from the truth!!! Our goal as parents is not to restrict our kids from fun – we are trying to enhance it! We are trying to help them enjoy the full benefits of a sexual relationship in the right relationship – marriage. To enjoy all that it has to offer while enjoying the benefit of a spouse that has pledged their commitment, loyalty and protection to them. We should not set the bar lower because we didn’t meet it. We use our story and shortcomings and the example of our present marriages now to encourage our kids to put their future spouses above their desires now.
#4... When it comes to influences, I think it’s important that parents take a proactive approach in their teens lives.
Ask them: “who are some of your favorite music artists?” “What are some of your favorite movies?” “What sort of things do you look for in friends?” Then ask follow up questions, like “Why?” I talked to a very “clean cut” girl the other day that is raised in church and has a SOLID family life. I asked her – “who is your favorite music artist?” and she replied “Soulja Boy” (whose music is filthy, degrading to women, morally bankrupt, etc.). Knowing her parents, I think they’d be beside themselves if they actually read some of his lyrics and knew what he was saying.
To be clear - I’m not about censorship, but I do think there is a time when parents NEED to be a censor. There is also a time for teaching and hearing out a teen, and using that conversation as a way of explaining why certain lyrics, philosophies, worldviews, etc. are wrong and what Truth really is and why they should embrace that over a selfish, narrow-minded worldview.
This concludes the Dating/Love/Relationships series… I hope you enjoyed it. I know a lot of what was said in it is often debated (after all, it’s not a new conversation). Even if you disagree with me on some or all points, I pray that at a minimum it at least challenged you and got you thinking. I know it has me… my wife and I talk almost on a daily basis about teaching this stuff to our own children. We don’t always agree, but we both go to bed together in prayer asking God for wisdom and praying for our children, that at the heart of all of this they will desire to love God more than anything else.
Beginning Monday I am going to try to start posting daily (mornings are my goal) about popular topics in culture, news, etc. Also, because of the frequency of the posts I will begin making them shorter, too. Stop by daily as a part of your news fix!
Want to be part of the conversation? Have a question or comment? Click here!
Britney Spears - “America’s Sweetheart” - is back, apparently, and her new song/video “Womanizer” is all the buzz. Reviews are positive from critics and music bloggers to ecstatic Britney fans alike. And what lessons has she learned from her struggles (anyone remember “bald Britney”?, losing her children, being caught in several public incidents, etc.)? Apparently none. Her music has not matured and neither has she, unfortunately.
“Womanizer” represents everything parents ought to teach their daughters and sons to NOT to be, or look for in potential spouses: flirty, morally lost, selfish and focused only on sexual attraction (not real love, intimacy, etc.). The song's lyrics have a hint of hope to them as she tells the womanizer she has no time for him; however, she ultimtely blows it by telling him "no" in a flirty manner while playful acknowledging that she does like him and want him. Since I have no desire in promoting anyone watching the video (lyrics can be found here), here are a few highlights from it:
Britney appears entirely nude throughout the majority of the video, laying down and moving provocatively (she wasn’t able to cover everything, so the strategically placed “blur” helps her
“Morning after Britney” shows her in a shirt and bra cooking breakfast for the “womanizer” man who she apparently slept with
“Office Britney” dances provocatively around the office, flirting with the “womanizer” and posing for his iPhone pics while sitting on the copy machine and making a copy of what’s under her skirt (yes, she shows the camera the copy)
Britney and dancers (male and female) dance sexually around the “womanizer” while kissing him and each other
"Morning After Britney” exacts her revenge by making her bed while he’s in the shower (yes it shows that too) and showing him who’s boss by not sleeping with him again
There are several other over-the-top and suggestive sequences, but I think you get the idea
So, let me get this straight… Britney proves to the womanizer (the man) that she is “all woman” by stripping, sleeping with him, dancing sexually around him, teasing him, then walking away? So the essence of her value as a woman is in her sexuality?
What about her motherhood?
Being a wife (former wife)?
Loving others less fortunate?
Loving God (the One she said she used to love with all her heart as a child/teen)?
My heart hurts for her… I thought after all she had been through, Britney was going to come out of it all with better understanding and clarity of mind. Instead, we get the same, sexually-driven Britney who speaks sweetly in interviews, but has no idea who she truly is or what she’s truly worth.
Parents: Since most of your teens and tweens have (or will have, soon) heard this song. Read the lyrics and use it as a conversational tool. Discuss what God describes as valuable. Who they are in Christ. What marriage is and why they ought to look forward to sexuality in that type of relationship versus what's seen in this video (and other TV shows). Here are some Bible passages for you to check out to help: 2 Timothy 2:21-22, Ephesians 1:3-14, James 1:22-25, 1 Peter 3:3-5
The Parents Television Council has released its findings in their independent study regarding Sex on Television. Not surprisingly, sex in marriage is being abandoned in favor of non-marital sex, sexual dialogue, adultery, etc.
This is definitely not news to anyone as all you have to do is watch television to see this trend being lived out. However, when the numbers are put together it is rather heart-breaking.
One term they used in their study was "the Family Hour" (8:00-9:00pm) - I had forgotten all about that hour. I haven't heard it used in so long that I forgot that it existed (I bet most teens have no idea what I'm talking about). Long gone are the days of The Cosby Show (a show I used to watch regularly with my family) and other family-friendly programs.
Now instead, these are the options we get to pick from (something most teens look at adults and say "what's the big deal?" because they're so used to seeing/hearing it):
- The Family Hour contained the highest frequency of references to non-married sex as opposed to references to sex in marriage, by a ratio of 3.9:1. During the 9:00 and 10:00 hours, the references to non-marital versus marital sex averaged 2.5:1.
- Verbal references to non-marital sex outnumbered references to sex in the context of marriage by nearly 3 to 1
- Scenes depicting or implying sex between non-married partners outnumbered scenes depicting or implying sex between married partners by a ratio of nearly 4 to 1
It's a 24 page document, but the first 2 pages contain the bulk of their findings.
MY TWO CENTS: I'm not advocating for the removal of sex from television or think its taboo (sex). What I am advocating for is television shows, networks, advertisers, etc. to put sex in its proper context: the marriage relationship between a husband and wife. Celebrate sex for what it is designed to be and in what relationship it is to be enjoyed. Don't glamorize it as a consequence-free endeavor and primary way to share feelings with others (or just to get lusts satisfied). Bring back the healthy, marital relationship where husbands like Cliff Huxtable (from The Cosby Show) love and honor their wife and chase her upstairs after noting excitedly "Hey, hey... the KIDS are ASLEEP!". Give teens something to look forward to in marriage ("I can't wait to have someone that loves me like that") versus talking bad about marriage and sex in marriage ("I don't have sex, I'm married") or saying/acting bluntly "who needs marriage? Have fun now!"
GOOD JOB PARENT TV COUNCIL on this report!!!
And that's what I think about marriage on TV ought to be Charlie Brown...
Over the weekend a member of our church emailed me about a gentleman who is petitioning our local mall to ask its Abercrombie and Fitch store to remove an inappropriate picture from the front of its store. Since getting that email several local news stations have picked up the story and have aired further coverage on it, to include others’ view of the ad. To be clear, I have never been a fan of Abercrombie. I like their clothing (the kind that actually covers bodies in a stylish fashion, not the kind that appear to be suffering from an apparent fabric-shortage), but struggle supporting what they endorse and stand for, so I never shop there.
So... I am writing this entry for a few reasons: (1) Clarify why I support the petition, (2) to discuss where I think the petition is lacking, (3) and to call on Christians to take this a step further.
Why I Support the Petition:
First, I appreciate that the petition is addressed to the Triangle Town Centre Mall. I do not petition Abercrombie (as I’ve already stated – they are who they are and the only thing that speaks to them is $$... sales are up, so nudity and sexually suggestive ads and catalogues will be too), but I do petition the mall to enforce its own code of conduct. Patrons and models in window ads ought to meet the same criteria for appropriateness. If any ad (regardless of store) does not meet their criteria for decency (as established by their posted codes of conduct) then the mall ought to enforce its policy. Regardling their claim that the ad is "legal" - of course it is legal. It's private property, they have the "right" to post almost anything they want. The issue is not whether or not it's "legal" but whether or not it's appropriate.
Second, I think all people ought to work to protect innocence (or in America’s case, reinstate it) and sexuality. Some opponents of the petition state that people shouldn’t protest sexuality – I agree wholeheartedly. However, this ad isn’t “sexuality,” it is voyeurism and it objectifies sexuality (instead of celebrating it in its right place and relationship: marriage).
Third, I appreciate that the petition is simple in its request: move the picture inside the store and put a more appropriate one in its place (such as one that has, oh I don’t know, a picture of their clothing in it – I digress). It is a very smart and reasonable request that doesn’t try to regulate or legislate the store’s morality (or lack thereof).
Fourth, it is a well organized campaign that, for the most part, keeps the main thing the main thing: making the mall a family-friendly place.
Where I Think the Petition's Reasoning Falls Short I think my main issue with the petition is a fairly minor one that deals more with the petitioner’s argument. I believe the originator of the petition and complaint, Mr. Jimmy Stopper (I love the irony of his last name with this issue), makes a hasty generalization in his appeal to the public for support by claiming (in CAPITAL LETTERS) that “every child is FORCED to look at [the picture]”. I agree that the picture (as are several pictures/ads in the mall from time to time) is inappropriate and ought not to be available to the eyes of the general public. However, to claim that anyone is “forced” to look at it is entirely inaccurate and an irresponsible use of wording. All that sort of claim does is seek to appeal to the emotion which inevitably evokes an emotional response from all sides that rarely meets in the middle for dialogue.
Call on Christians to Take It a Step Further I am not here to encourage readers to sign the petition themselves (that is a personal call). There are bigger issues at stake here that I want to address that have nothing to do with picketing, boycotting or petitioning: namely the worship of the One, True God with our whole hearts, minds, souls and strengths. Matter of fact, if worshipping and following Him were happening, there’d be little to no need for any sort of protesting actions. So my call is to Christians of all ages (in particular those who typically consume culture blindly, arguing, “they’re just clothes – I don’t support what they stand for”) to CONTEND FOR THE FAITH with your lives.
Live… 1. …like GOD matters more to you than anything else. 2. …like He is the Creator and gives us the responsibility to not only be (responsible) consumers/participants of culture, but to also be creators and influencers of culture! 3. …like we have a choice in who and/or what we worship by choosing to walk the “narrow path” that leads to Life. 4. ...lives of integrity (in public or private, with our choices of entertainment and clothing, in our relationships, etc.).
Ok, so it happened again. It’s been a little over a week since my last entry. I apologize. With summer here my life is packed with Youth Group planning and events, leaving very little time to blog. That will change in a few weeks when school resumes – so please be patient with me. :-)
Now on to PART 2 (and final part) of “Christian Teen Pics.” Ok, so we get it – many “Christian teen” lifestyles are anything but Godly. What can we (they) do to remedy this? While my list is no doubt unoriginal and far from exhaustive, it is a start and good reminder to us all about being CONTENDERS for the faith (Jude 3) and lovers of God (Deuteronomy 6). For the most part I address the list below to teens, but parents and others feel free to use it how you see fit.
1. Starts with Parents. Yes, teens make their own choices to live the lives they do, but as parents we have to check ourselves as well. (1) Ask yourself: “Are they simply copying what they see in my life?” (2) Talk with your teens – do you even know what’s on their pages? Their friends’ pages? What’s going on when they’re “just hanging out with friends?” (Note: Giving teens “their space” doesn’t mean being completely removed from their lives or online lives. It means giving them space to make decisions while guiding them and catching them in love when they miss the mark. Trust me – ignorance is NOT bliss.)
2.Your Future Spouse. What about your husband/wife? Yes, I know (teens)… you are not married. However, make no mistake about it – your demonstration of how much you love your future spouse starts NOW! I can’t imagine my wife (or online internet surfers either, for that matter) being comfortable with seeing suggestive pictures of me online (yes, I am having trouble not laughing at this even as I type it). Respect your future spouse enough to protect what will belong to them alone (read 1 Cor. 7:4).
3. Accountability. Get some friends in your life who are willing to say the hard stuff to you, who are willing to point out when you are crossing the line (checkout Prov. 22:6). Another way to help keep you accountable is making your online profiles (all of them) available to your parents to check out. Ask Godly adults or teens whose opinion you respect (because you know they’ll be honest with you) to give you feedback about your online profiles or lifestyle choices from time to time. Partner up with another Christian friend and challenge each other to live lives of truth and faith (hold each other accountable).
4.Challenge yourself to commit to God ABOVE ALL THINGS (even if it means not doing the things everyone else labels as “ok”, “good” or “acceptable”). Our loyalty is to our Creator above all else – to include friends.
5.Love God. Learn now what your faith and relationship with God mean to you. Learn to love it more than anything else. Demonstrate that relationship with God in your other relationships and character (to include your private and online life).
6.NEVER COMPROMISE (never be willing to give up) ANY part of your relationship with God for anything else. Remember – sin takes ALWAYS takes us further than we want to go, leaves us longer than we want to stay and costs us far more than we were willing to pay.
Now the decision is yours. What kind of Christian teen are you going to be? The kind that lives one life in title (“I’m a Christian” or “Jesus Freak” or “Washed by the Blood” or “Sold Out Believer” or whatever other title you might use to describe your faith) and another in practice (talk like heaven and live like hell)? Or are you going to be the kind that sets the standard and challenges their friends to live lives of hope, as well? You can’t have both… a decision must be made. Trust me, the world around you can already tell what your decision is just by the way you live your life…
And that’s what “Christian Teen Pics - What Now” is all about Charlie Brown…
I'm a Jesus Freak, for real! I'm sold out, bought out follower of the One True Lord, Jesus Christ.
I love my wife - no doubt about it! She's my #1 girl and always will be. I love my 3 kids - they make me smile! The best day in the world is spending time with the four of them.
I love discussing the arts (especially film and music) and sharing hope found in Christ.
I'm a nut... love laughing, sarcasm and love talking with witty people. I'm sure there's more, but that's kinda me in a nutshell *"look this is me in a nutshell... how did i get in here?"*
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