True Love

Checkout this remarkable story of love, commitment, and loyalty. I pray my wife and I are able to enjoy this type of love story and endure even longer, together.

Click here to read this beautiful story.

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Christianity Takes a Vacation

I loved the Cheers theme song when I was growing up...

 

"Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name..."

 

It seems, however, that many times Christians seem to take these words too literally and think that being somewhere people don't know their name gives them liberty to do things they wouldn't otherwise do at home. These are "Geographic Christians." Their faith is semi-solid within their personal limits. Step outside those limits and all bets are off.

 

For some it's going on vacation somewhere.

 

For some it's going somewhere family or accountability is not. 

 

For some it's going where "no one will know" (spouses, kids, family, church family, etc.)

 

For some it's being with people who are doing the same thing, so therefore (to those people) "what I'm doing is no big deal"

 

There are any number of scenarios that fit the bill. Settings change from person to person – for some it’s going out with the guys/girls, for some it’s hangout with non-church friends and for others it’s being somewhere no one knows you (like on vacation somewhere). Instead of loving God in those moments, their faith takes a vacation. Instead of running from things that could hurt themselves, their family, their marriage, their friendships, their church, their reputation as a believer (which also soils the name of Christ), or, worse-yet, their faith, they run to those activities thinking they’ve got a “license to ill.” Thus, when they would never consider doing these things in their “hometown,” church or family company, drinking, drugs, illicit sex (or sexual acts/activities), going places they ought not be, etc. become their new-found expressions of “freedom.”

 

Make no mistake about it – truly loving God never goes on vacation. Scripture tells us to love God with all our hearts, minds and souls – this has no geographic limitations. It is to be the desire of our heart at home, in church, at work, with Christians, with non-Christians, in public, in private, in our hometown and on vacation. God could care less about “rules” of living, however, He very much desires to be loved and worshiped. Do we do that everywhere we go? Or are we simply looking for our chance to “get away” and love ourselves or other things more than we love Him who literally gave His life for us?

 

Want to join the conversation? Click here to comment or ask a question!

 

Image borrowed from travelight.

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Thou Shalt Have Steamy Sex?!?!

I don’t know when it happened, but somehow, someway sex has become a taboo topic in the church. Teens are scared to say “sex” and adults squirm in their pews when it’s said. Teens and adults alike will watch show after show and listen to song after song that talk about sex (many times laughing or singing along), but “talk about it in the church? That’s uncomfortable.”

Recently a Catholic Priest, Ksawery Knotz, published a new book entitled Sex As You Don't Know It: For Married Couples Who Love God. In it he writes that there is nothing wrong with a steamy sex life; even going so far as saying it is a “good thing.” Maybe it’s because he’s a Catholic Priest writing on the subject, or because of the extreme traditionalism of the Catholic church, but for some reason it was newsworthy enough for Fox News to publish a story on the book. Regardless of why it was covered in the news I am excited because it opens the channels of communication again for this great love story that God created!

God created sex. As I joke with couples in counseling: it was not man or woman’s idea. Adam and Eve weren’t sitting around the Garden of Eden bored saying “so now what do we do?” and then stumbled into sex. God created them differently (man and woman) a placed a desire for one another in each of them. As soon as Adam saw Eve he was hooked (cue the old joke: he saw her and said "Whoa! Man!" Thus she’ll be known as ‘woman’.”)! The sexual relationship was designed by God to be one of the defining parts of a marital relationship (one of the key elements that make it so different from any other relationship). Men and women were created with a desire for one another already built in them (so-to-speak). They then enjoy the fullest physical and emotional pleasure possible with one another inside the protected, safe and committed marriage relationship.

In a world that has no boundaries for sex – that embraces girls going wild, open marriages, pornography, sexual dating relationships, etc. God’s design for the sexual relationship in marriage has been forgotten, misunderstood and misrepresented. “Enjoyable sex” between and man and wife seems ungodly now (like God doesn’t want man and wife to enjoy sexual intimacy - not sure how that belief came to be) or as if it is an oxymoron. It has become nothing more than a comic’s punch line: either (1) you never have sex once you are married, or (2) it becomes stale and unexciting.

BUT THIS IS NOT WHAT GOD HAD IN MIND for husbands and wives!!

God created sex (between a husband and wife in a covenant marriage) to be exciting, captivating, fun, pleasurable, enjoyable, lovely, passionate, engaging, intimate, creative, moving, enthralling, enchanting and, yes, even steamy! 1 Corinthians 7:1-5 tells husbands and wives that they belong to one another. It tells them to be sure to fulfill one another (yes, sexually) and to make sure they do so REGULARLY! Not out of obligation, but out of passion and love and dedication to your beloved spouse who is equally committed to you.

SINGLES or COUPLES LIVING TOGETHER (UNMARRIED): I understand your fear of marriage. In a world that has completely lost what it means to be married, with a divorce rate that has climbed to 50% and with so many marriages that seem to struggle (including in the church) I can understand your fear from wanting to be “that couple.” However, know that you are not protecting yourselves or your relationship. You are missing out!! God has crafted us in such a way that we crave intimacy from our spouse; hence the reason husbands and wives become “one flesh” – they are so intimately wound together that neither knows where one starts and the other stops! When we live with someone outside of marriage we steal from God what He designed for us and our own good and turn it into something He never desired for us. We actually set ourselves up for hurt.

HUSBANDS AND WIVES WHO ARE STRUGGLING: Know that you are NOT alone. This world and its desire to corrupt what God made for good and pleasure has made it difficult for many couples. However, having a successful, loving and passionate marriage is not an impossible feat! For those struggling, I recommend a couple resources: (1) the movie “Fireproof” (watch it together and then go through the book “The Love Dare”), (2) the book “God on Sex” by Daniel Akin (this is a POWERFUL and wonderful book based on Song of Solomon from the Bible), (3) take a small weekend trip together with your spouse; use it as a trip to pour into one another and love one another as intimately and deeply as you know how to, (4) transparency! Sit with your pastor (or go to a local church and speak to one if you aren’t in church) and share with him your struggles as a husband and wife and seek help in restoring your marriage.

Want to join the conversation? Click here to comment or ask a question!

If you would like to talk with me personally about a struggling relationship, feel free to email me at christianthechristian.c2@gmail.com!

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NEW! The Seven Year Marriage Warranty!!!

Watch this video first.

I can hear the infomercial now…

“Is waking up to the same person morning after morning not as exciting as you thought it’d be? Has your marriage lost that “spark” it had at the beginning? Has your spouse become complacent or lazy, leading you to fall out of love with them?

Well put them on notice! Your chance at marital freedom and a fresh start is here!

Don’t worry about the messy divorce… give them seven years instead. After seven years if they haven’t figured it out, you can get out – no questions asked! That’s right!

IT'S THE SEVEN YEAR MARRIAGE WARRANTY!!!!

Now your marital woes can become a thing of the past with no hassles! It’s simple. On your wedding day just tell the Priest/Pastor you want the Seven Year Marriage Warranty and put your spouse on notice!

No messy divorces, no lawyer fees, no court fees, no settlements… just your complete and unconditional satisfaction - INSTANTLY!

Sound too good to be true? Well that’s not all! Order now and we’ll throw in the Eighteen Year Parent Warranty ABSOLUTELY FREE!

That’s right! This way you not only put your spouse on notice, but those lazy, argumentative, rebellious teenagers, too! Order now... churches and pastors are standing by!”

I’m sorry, but this has got to be one of the most selfish, self-centered arrangements I’ve ever heard of. It’s bad enough people can go half in as it is with pre-nups, but this is over the top!

To the female reporter (and others who agree with her) who thinks this arrangement actually makes sense because "something's got to be done" about the high number of divorces - giving people an out after seven years will only drop the statistical divorce count. It won't actually help marriages from dissolving! Marriages are not working because people are clueless about:

• What love is.
• What marriage is.
• How to make marriage work.
• How to enjoy marriage as He designed it.
• How to work through problems.
• How to fight for one another.
• How to demonstrate love to one another.
• How to actually be self-less in a marriage relationship.

Easier outs are NOT going to fix the marriage issue in any country. They just give people another mode of instant gratification that thinks only of themselves (especially not the kids).

Want to join the conversation? Click here to comment or join the conversation!

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“WARNING!” “DANGER WILL ROBINSON!” “ALERT! ALERT!” “CODE RED”

I recently found this article online, called “Dating Question: Are You Having an Emotional Affair” and could not help but comment on it. (READ THIS ARTICLE!)

I think this article is right on. It doesn’t matter if you’re a teen, college student or married – this article is for you. So often people do not realize they are crossing any lines with the opposite sex because, let’s face it, as people we can justify anything we want.

“He’s/she’s just a friend”

“There’s nothing wrong with a little harmless flirting”

“It’s just talk… there’s nothing more to it.”

“What? I can trust them… I just need someone to talk to…”

For Teens and Singles… this is a valuable article for you in that it helps you see where you may be crossing the line emotionally. Not keeping our words, intentions or emotional attachments in check is dangerous territory. Check out my blog entry called “Abstinence is Wrong” for more on this.

For Married Folk… this is an extremely helpful article for you. Rarely do people intentionally set out to have an affair; they occur over a period of time where we slowly give part of ourselves to someone other than our spouse. REMEMBER – the greatest lessons we teach our children is the one’s we LIVE OUT in front of them. Teach them what it is to love, cherish and honor your spouse (even when they’re not around them).

Want to join the conversation? Click here to comment or ask a question!

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What Is Dating and When Should It Happen (or Should It?)? (A Guide for Parents and Thoughts for Teens/Singles)

The funny thing about dating is that if you ask people “what is dating?” you’ll hear a variety of answers. I ask this question of teenagers quite regularly and here is a small sample of the answers I’ve received over the years:

• Spending time with someone (I asked what happens when that relationship ends, they usually reply “find someone else”)
• Looking for a husband/wife
• Having fun
• I don’t know – you just like [someone] and hangout with them

So to ask “what is dating” is a rather ambiguous exercise because no one (even adults) really knows – they just do it. It’s pretty much certain, however, that you will see the following present in the majority of dating relationships:

• A title/declaration (my girlfriend/boyfriend/“just dating”/“playing the field”)
• Spend time together in special activities (movies, dinner, carnival, etc.)
• Friendship (often putting other friends second to the bf/gf of the moment)
• Best sides are put forward (typically masking/not disclosing those silly quarks – or real issues)
• Alone time (it’s not a real “date” unless the couple is alone somewhere)
• Emotional intimacy (the sharing of feelings, hopes, dreams, faith and more)
• Physical relationship (hand holding, hugging, kissing, making out, sexual intimacy)

To cut to the chase (since there could be much conversation here), it honestly seems like the only real factor that changes a male/female friendship from friends to “dating” is the physical relationship. Yes, emotional intimacy can be another difference, but it alone is not something exclusive to the dating relationship (friends can be emotionally intimate – often the reason for the “best friend” title). Besides that, when’s the last time you heard someone say “I’d love to share my hopes, feelings and dreams with you – would you be my boyfriend/girlfriend?” It’s more like friends one minute – start holding hands or kissing and “now we’re boyfriend and girlfriend” (or visa versa – change titles from friends to bf/gf, therefore, our new entitlement is physical intimacy).

To illustrate my previous point further (that is, there is no clear understanding of what dating is or parameters for practicing it), I hear the following statement a lot: “I do like him/her but I don’t want to go out with them because I’m afraid it would mess up our friendship.” Really? I thought that was kind of the whole point of marriage – to marry your best friend (so to speak) and grow closer together in that friendship. Besides that, *sarcasm alert* what could possibly happen in a dating relationship that would “mess up” your friendship? Ah, yes… physical intimacy. Once you cross certain lines (expressing love physically) it is kind of hard to go back to “just friends.” Therefore, the “friendship” is, indeed, often times ruined.

Dating can (and should) happen without physical intimacy. Yes, I know that seems archaic and out-dated considering how many of us as adults included it in our relationships and the fact that this type of thinking is almost laughable today. However, to those who are married I pose one question: do our present spouses feel more loved, valued and cherished because we tested others out (physically) first? Sure, we learn from our mistakes, but I have yet to meet a Godly couple that looks back and says “man, I’m glad we had so many partners (kissing or more) before we got married. It makes me feel so loved to know that I’m not the only one on your lips.” (If you’re like me right now, that last statement actually makes you slightly angry/upset/disturbed, whether it is at yourself or the thought of someone else having had the chance to cherish your spouse as you do now). This is why I wholeheartedly believe that we need to teach our CHILDREN (no matter their age) about the value of marriage as God designed it (not “following their heart”) and guide them to a Godly model of “dating.”

Godly dating (or “courting” as this model is often called) ought to set out with friendship as the goal and foundation, while removing physical intimacy until marriage. It puts the relationship in its proper place and encourages the couple to truly put the other one first. It practices from the beginning everything 1 Corinthians 13:4-9 (the “love chapter”) rejoices in:

• Patience
• Kindness (to the future spouse, future children, etc.)
• Proper practice (“does not act improperly”)
• Selflessness (much harder road than dating’s selfish “what’s in it for me, now?”)
• Rejecting that which could hurt, now or later (namely sin)
• Is excited by Godliness (“no joy in unrighteousness”)
• Living in Truth (versus secrecy or deceit)
• Fighting for real love (“bears, hopes, believes and endures all things” – real love is never easy)

No where does it say that practicing physical intimacy is necessary for this type of love to be experienced. Physical intimacy, instead, seals and expresses in a purely unique way our commitment to our spouse (hence the reason God said the “two become one flesh”). No one else is designed to enjoy such intimacy with our spouse. It is single-handedly the most amazing, unique relationship mankind can enjoy (even above the parent-child relationship because the only two people who can enjoy each other with such intimacy is the husband and wife).

Parents, as I mentioned before, this is not a new methodology. It’s a Biblical approach to a relational system (dating) that has gone way off path, become purely selfish (all about me) and lost its vision (there is very little mention of the future in dating anymore – it’s about the here and now). It places the emphasis back where it was originally designed to be - on marriage (not the here and now)! Yes, this seems like an impossible and unlikely task - like trying to out run a locomotive or leap a tall building in a single bound, without Superman's powers. No one said parenting biblically would be an easy task. But we join together, bathed in prayer, as we work to lead our children to amazing marriages and times of worship (now and later with their own families).

So how do we work AGAINST a system so firmly established in our culture (a confused pattern of dating is in all our movies, music, shows, books, schools, etc.)? We’ll cover that next week when I talk about “What to teach our children.”

Want to join the conversation? Have a question/comment? Click here to begin!! :-)


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How to Ruin a Marriage Together!

Typically when we hear about one falling it is because of a self-destructive pattern of choices. Left in the wake of those decisions is usually husbands or wives, children, family, close friends, church members, etc. These decisions are, more often than not, single-party ventures (one person making the decisions), but…

…what happens when a husband and wife fall (self-destruct) TOGETHER?

Instead of protecting one another, one or both persons in the marriage encourage the downward spiral by embracing destructive choices together. One such case happened recently. Music artist Amy Winehouse (“Rehab”, “Me and Mr. Jones”, etc.) and husband, Blake Fielder-Civil, have spent much time in the media lately due to their regular run-ins with the law over serious substance abuse issues. As this blog is being typed Blake is currently serving time in prison for some of those issues. Janis Winehouse (Amy’s mother) reportedly said her daughter was misled by her husband into a lifestyle of “drugs and self harm.” While I do understand the power of suggestion, it is important to remember that Amy made the choices, too – she is not a victim (in entirety)… after all, it does take two to tango. It is terrible what this couple is going through, but I am not here to dissect their marriage or lifestyle. Instead, what I am here to do is plead with husbands and wives to rethink what is embraced in your marriages. What decisions are being made jointly that have the potential of ruining your marriage?

Vices come in all shapes and forms: substance (alcohol, drugs, etc.), sex (utilizing what God gave to be between one man and one woman and open that relationship up in a number of unhealthy ways: open marriages, “swinging,” pornography or raunchy R-rated/unrated movies as a “spice it up” tool, etc.), finances (choosing to embrace a financially irresponsible lifestyle), integrity (being one couple in the dark and another in the light), etc. These are but a few ways husbands and wives endanger themselves and their marriages. I don’t believe Blake or Amy (or any other husband or wife that has struggled in similar fashion) ever woke up one morning and said “let’s be reckless and ruin our marriage together!” Instead they sought out recreation and leisure together and it has led them to places neither expected to go… and now their marriage is crumbling.

So what’s the point?

Husbands, we are called on by God to protect our wives. Not just when someone threatens her, but in everyday life. In the decisions we lay upon her to make on our marriage’s behalf. Are we asking her to test waters she ought not to test? Are we tempting her in ways in which she may not be able to recover? Are we asking her to try something she may later regret?

Wives, likewise care for your husbands. Seek to protect their eyes, hearts, minds/thoughts, reputations, etc. Are the desires that you have something that could ultimately hurt him, you or your marriage? Are your wishes going to help him grow as a husband or encourage him to walk a path he will later regret? Though the husband is the leader of the family, remember what a powerful role you have, too (afterall, it was Eve who tempted Adam in the Garden).

One last question: are the decisions you make together as husband and wife something you pray daily for your own children to experience in own their marriages? If not, maybe we have some questions to ask ourselves.

I encourage you husbands and wives to read the following passages together: Ephesians 5:22-33 and 1 Peter 3:1-7.

Until next time… may God richly bless your marriages!!!

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TV Abandons Marriage

The Parents Television Council has released its findings in their independent study regarding Sex on Television. Not surprisingly, sex in marriage is being abandoned in favor of non-marital sex, sexual dialogue, adultery, etc.

This is definitely not news to anyone as all you have to do is watch television to see this trend being lived out. However, when the numbers are put together it is rather heart-breaking.

One term they used in their study was "the Family Hour" (8:00-9:00pm) - I had forgotten all about that hour. I haven't heard it used in so long that I forgot that it existed (I bet most teens have no idea what I'm talking about). Long gone are the days of The Cosby Show (a show I used to watch regularly with my family) and other family-friendly programs.

Now instead, these are the options we get to pick from (something most teens look at adults and say "what's the big deal?" because they're so used to seeing/hearing it):

- The Family Hour contained the highest frequency of references to non-married sex as opposed to references to sex in marriage, by a ratio of 3.9:1. During the 9:00 and 10:00 hours, the references to non-marital versus marital sex averaged 2.5:1.

- Verbal references to non-marital sex outnumbered references to sex in the context of marriage by nearly 3 to 1

- Scenes depicting or implying sex between non-married partners outnumbered scenes depicting or implying sex between married partners by a ratio of nearly 4 to 1

To see the full report, click here: https://www.parentstv.org/ptc/publications/reports/sexontv/marriagestudy.pdf

It's a 24 page document, but the first 2 pages contain the bulk of their findings.

MY TWO CENTS:
I'm not advocating for the removal of sex from television or think its taboo (sex). What I am advocating for is television shows, networks, advertisers, etc. to put sex in its proper context: the marriage relationship between a husband and wife. Celebrate sex for what it is designed to be and in what relationship it is to be enjoyed. Don't glamorize it as a consequence-free endeavor and primary way to share feelings with others (or just to get lusts satisfied).
Bring back the healthy, marital relationship where husbands like Cliff Huxtable (from The Cosby Show) love and honor their wife and chase her upstairs after noting excitedly "Hey, hey... the KIDS are ASLEEP!". Give teens something to look forward to in marriage ("I can't wait to have someone that loves me like that") versus talking bad about marriage and sex in marriage ("I don't have sex, I'm married") or saying/acting bluntly "who needs marriage? Have fun now!"

GOOD JOB PARENT TV COUNCIL on this report!!!

And that's what I think about marriage on TV ought to be Charlie Brown...