"Eye Candy"

Ok, so I made my weekly shopping trip to the grocery store today with my youngest daughter (2 years old). Typically this is a trip in which I craftily navigate the aisles with list in hand so that I can try to get what we need as quick as possible (though I've got a lot of my mom in me, so I also want a deal and trying to be thrifty often slows my progress). After two hours (obviously not my fastest of trips) my shopping experience was drawing to a close and my baby and I were grabbing our last item (some ice cream!)... then it happened.

As my I was looking through the Breyer's, trying to select between Fat Free Chocolate or forgetting health consciousness and grabbing whatever I wanted (I chose neither and instead opted for Skinny Cow Chocolate Cones - good stuff!), a woman approached the same freezer to choose a frozen dessert. No sooner had she walked up that two guys passed between us taking several long, childish looks at her. One of them then looked at me and lipped silently (so she wouldn't know he was talking about her) "is that your wife?!?!". Puzzled by the question, I shook my head "no." He then replied in a whisper "I was gonna say... [putting his thumb up indicating approval] nice job, bro!! She [sic] hot!!!".

WHAT?!?! What if she were my wife? In what universe would I (or hopefully any guy) be proud that some random guy (or even one I know) just walked by and stared at my wife, as if undressing her with his eyes, then let me know he approved of her and our marriage? How is that complimentary in anyway? How did he think that would be a manly thing to do (especially with our daughter, if we were married or my wife was the one being oogled as if she were eye candy to be sensually enjoyed by anyone who walks by, right next to me)?

Men/boys... it's getting old. Step up.

***EDITED BELOW***

Need further evidence? This was posted in the comments section by a teenage girl not even two hours after I published the above post:

"That is really frustrating.
I'm a 17 year old girl. Apparently I look a lot older. I don't dress provocatively and don't wear make- up, but yet when I go places sometimes guys ask me if I'm married, etc. It's even more frustrating when I catch them looking at me or have other people tell me that guys were "looking me up and down," when my friends and I go somewhere. There are some places that I don't even want to go to anymore, because of this. To me, it seems as though most guys only want one thing [sex], and that is really annoying."

Want to join the conversation? Click here to comment or ask a question.

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President-Elect Obama and My Dad

To begin, I did not vote for Barack Obama. I think I've stated that in a past post, but in case I didn't there it is. Even though I didn't vote for him due to a difference of opinion in policy and such (no need in going into it), I am a fan of his in some aspects; in particular, his role as a father.

Here he is, President-Elect Barack Obama, a week from one of the nation's most historic inaugural ceremonies... making plans for the nation... making appointments to official positions of his cabinet... studying/reading/learning to better prepare himself as the next Commander-in-Chief (the Leader of the Free World)... and writing a letter to his daughters?!?!

Wasn't there a document needing his signature somewhere? Another appointment to make or meet? Another reporter to talk to? Another Staff meeting to attend?

Probably.

But instead he took time out of his schedule to write a letter to his daughters (one they'll most likely hold onto and cherish the rest of their lives - and even pass on to their children). If you haven't heard about the letter, you can read about it here. Now THAT is a real man! Busy... busy... busy... but NEVER to busy to take his daughters to school... love his wife... or write his daughters an affectionate letter expressing his dreams for them as growing young women.

Fathers, take note. It is an amazing privilege to lead your family. It also bears an enormous responsibility. Children (trust me on this) WANT to hear your heart, want you to lead them and want you to pray for and dream for them. I know this not only from working with teens, but from being one myself (as we all were once) and having a father (and mother) who DID write to me. I still have the letter my dad wrote to me on my graduation day from high school. It meant the world to me to have in his own handwriting his dreams for me... his affection expressed for me... and the pride he had in me for my accomplishments. More than that - that he took the time to sit down and write such an endearing letter truly touched me, a rough, know-it-all (all the while not knowing hardly anything) 17-year-old ready to tackle the world. Even better, still, is how much he loves, cares for and cherishes his wife (my mother).

President Obama and I may not agree on most policy, on the origin or maintanance of real freedom, on the decisions needed to be made to undergird the moral structure of this country, but we do see eye-to-eye on one very key fact: there is no unit, group or sphere of influence more essential than the family (created by God in the very beginning)!

I respect President-Elect Obama... not because he's the President-to-be and not because he tells the country they ought to reconsider the importance of family (in particular the parents), but because he LIVES his message. He is a real man - not because of the policy he signs or rejects, but the way he mans-up to lead his family. Now I pray that he leads them in the only direction that never fails, always hopes and never perishes: the Creator, God (through His Son, Jesus Christ). After all, what's it profit anyone to gain the whole world (education from the best institutions, wealth, fame, powerful positions, etc.) and "lose their soul?"

Even moreso, however, I admire, respect and love my father for being the kind of man who in all his military training was still soft enough in heart to pour out his heart to me in letters... to sit and have heart-to-heart talks with me... to love me unconditionally... and ultimately show me what a real man looks like.

Take heart, men. It's a new day in America... not because we have a new president, but because we have men like my dad setting the standard for their families - without press corps, media outlets and newspapers covering their every move. Just doing their God-given job and doing it proudly. Thank you President-Elect Obama for also being that kind of man, despite the national pressure.


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Time to Man Up...

BACK FROM THE HOLIDAY BREAK! On to the C2 Blog...

Men (all those of the male gender)... it's time to man up, check your pride for few minutes and hear me out.

Over the last several years I've noticed a sudden increase in boyhood and a sharp decline of genuine men in society. Manhood today is a joke. It's so rare for women to see true gentlemen that when they encounter one, they have no idea how to react or think. Almost uniformly women have lowered their standards for men for a variety of reasons:

1. Because they, themselves, act as "girls" and have no expectations other than purely self-centered ones (don't believe me, watch some of these ridiculous "women" parading around reality television... I digress)

2. They think the only way to keep a "man" is to meet his expectations (so they adjust to him and his standards)

3. Wishful thinking – hoping the boy grows into a man (unfortunately this doesn’t happen as regularly as we think it does)

I could keep going, but I think you get it. So what’s the point? I’m sick of seeing boys parading around as men. These boys range in age from teens to the elderly. They’re single, they’re husbands, they’re fathers, and they’re grandfathers. Why do I call them boys?

1. They focus on boyish things and put everyone else second to their whimsical “needs” (cars/trucks, houses, money, fame, random hookups/sexual relationships with no thoughts of commitment, living with a girl versus showing her he’s truly committed by marrying her, time with the other “boys” instead of being at home with their wife and kids, being lazy and making their wife work as well as take care of the home and kids while they do as they please, etc.)

2. They have no respect for women. In some instances women are nothing more than sexual objects. And don’t get me started on this culture that refers to (and wants) this precious gender whom God created to be a “helper” and companion for man as “ho’s,” b******, and other degrading names (SIDE NOTE: women, seriously - stop letting them get away with it!). Fellas – ANYONE can do the physical stuff… only real men know how to truly captivate a woman’s heart and attention. It’s not a game and women aren’t a prize to be won. They’re a valuable treasure!

3. They have no chivalry – no honor – no integrity – no dignity. Instead they live by one motto: “I’m a Man!” NEWS FLASH: Real men step up, own up, man up, serve (especially their wife and children), love, live right (even when no one’s looking), teach by word and example, and live by THE standard (God’s Word). They lose their pride and put on the coat of humility. None of this “because I’m a man” garbage. Real men step up.

Why such a harsh tone? Because sometimes the situation calls for it. Over the last several weeks I’ve seen some pretty horrendous things (with my own eyes) and had similar stories shared with me by family and friends as I’ve shared my heart with them. Here are some of these “men’s” shining moments:

- Standing in a Taco Bell line waiting for food, a 16 year old male publicly gropes his girl friend as they wait for their food. No thought of the fact that her body belongs to her future husband (and his hands to his future wife) or the fact that he’s degrading her publicly!

- Several instances of a boy “showing” his girl friend how much he “loves” her by hiding the true nature of their relationship in the backseat of his car, taking her clothes off and exposing her (and him) to public embarrassment as they are caught. How romantic! How patient! How kind!

- A married man making lewd comments to married, female coworkers, masking them as “a joke.”

- A wife eating leftovers at work and sharing with her coworkers that her husband made them and the room of women begins to fall in love with her husband for loving her that way. They say “my husband never…” or “I wish my husband would…”

- A husband who won’t take care of his own children – leaving it to the wife or family. Discipline? Forget it. Feeding them? Too hard/time consuming. Getting them ready for school? Not my job. Kids being kids and making noise? Too much to handle – someone else deal with them.

That's just a sample - I've got far too many examples to post on one blog.

Even non-Christian recording artist Beyonce wrote a VERY POWERFUL song recently about this topic, called “If I Were a Boy” (note the “boy” part of the title… not “man”). In it she sings about how she would live if she were a boy, like those in her life. Never heard it? Listen to it here (lyrics are here):

Men, this is an indictment on us, the God-chosen leaders! What happened?!?! How did we come so far?

Where do we go from here?

I am not perfect, nor am I everything my wife deserves on a daily basis. But I promise you, my heartbeat is to “put away childish things” (1 Cor. 13:11) and grow as the man God has created me to be. How do we do that?

First – swallow the pride! If we cannot humble ourselves there is no hope. If we cannot see that we are part of the problem, we’ll never be part of the solution. 1 John 1:8, 10 – “if we say we are without sin, then we deceive ourselves and the Truth is not in us…” and “we make [God] a liar.”

Second – repent! Time to change. Confess to God in the stillness of your room your shortcoming and boyish heart and ask Him to change you. Ask that He help you see how to be the man He’s called you to be… the man your wife/future wife deserves… the example your children ought to see. 1 John 1:9 – “if we confess our sin, [God] is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness”

Third – MAN UP! Realize the calling God has placed on our lives. The tremendous responsibility He has placed on us as leaders of our homes.

This is my hope and prayer for you, gentlemen. I am praying for you.

Blessings,

Christian

A man learning daily to put away childish things.

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