My Hero Doesn't Wear Tights

(This blog is not written by Christian, but Laura, his wife.  I wanted to write on the blog about my husband, and he does not know I am doing this - so if you see it now, and it's gone later, you'll know why.)

The word "superhero" brings many images to mind - the man flying through the air with a cape and tights, saving a herione (or the world) in distress.  Our hearts race as we watch this person with superhuman strength save the heroine (or the world) in the nick of time and we all say a collective "Whew" as the credits roll.

My superhero doesn't wear tights.  My superhero does save the "herione" (in this case, me) by being a man of God.  He has devoted himself to learning about the Bible, and not only reading about it but living it daily.  He makes his daily decisions based on  God and His word.  His actions are Godly, as well as his conversations and thoughts.  He has "saved" me by putting God first in his life with me and the children.  I don't have to worry about what kind of man he is - I know that his actions match his thoughts - he is who he says he is.  He treats our children with love and respect - bringing them up to be worshippers of the Lord Jesus Christ.  With every word, every consequence he gives, he is preparing them to be followers of Christ.  He also leads others in the path of God - giving them Godly advice and praying for them daily.

My superhero is someone I look up to and hope to be like one day.  He has encouraged me when I'm down, he has inspired me to be a better woman, mother and Christian.  He also spoils me rotten - by making sure that everyone knows that he loves his wife more than anyone else on this world.  He always asks the kids, "Who's my number one girl?" The kids answer, "mommy!" 

I can go on and on and on about what a wonderful guy he is and things he does for his family - like cook for us, bring me coffees at work, work at home for eight years so that we don't have to put our kids in daycare.  He puts himself to the side time and time again for the sake of his family.

I am writing this blog, not only to brag on my husband, but to encourage others to consider the importance of having a Godly influence in the home.  A true leader in the home and follower of Christ can make a difference on those around them.  They can be the true superheroes - those willing to dedicate everything they have to Christ and encourage others along with them.  The true superheroes know that we need to be "saved" from ourselves and what this world has to offer, and focus on the Jesus and what is above.

Laura (the wife)

What To Teach Our Children/Teens (About Dating)

Ok, to start with – I know we’ve all “fallen short.” It is highly unlikely that anyone reading this (to include myself who is writing it) has practiced this out to its fullest. This could be for a variety of reasons (not knowing, poor decisions, etc.), but this should NOT keep us from teaching our children (and leading them by the way we conduct ourselves in our marriages/single life now) a Biblical model/approach to “dating.”

I was recently talking with a young man (under 15) about girls. After joking around a bit about dating and such he revealed he “liked” a certain girl. So I asked him what the plan was and he said “I don’t know – I’m not sure what to do.” I asked if he wanted to be her boyfriend and he said “I guess.” So I asked what would be different about their relationship if they were boyfriend and girlfriend or just friends. He said, very honestly, “I don’t know – I don’t know what it means to be a boyfriend.”

Here is a young teenager willing to admit what most teens/single adults aren’t – that there really is no clear understanding of what it means to “date.” Basically teens reach an age where girls/guys are no longer “gross” but captivating and when that happens they think the next logical step is to start exploring those feelings by dating.

What is dating?
What do you do on a date?
What makes dating different from friendship?
What does a girlfriend/boyfriend do? What is their job?
What do I do with all these natural feelings of captivation for someone of the opposite sex?

I could easily stretch this list further, but you get the point. So how can we better equip our teens (or our children before they reach this stage) for this phase of life? There are some key lessons that we ought to be instilling in our children (before they get to this phase) and our teens as we help navigate them through this phase:

1. Teach WORSHIP. Every aspect of their life is an act of worship. Teach them to ask “is what I am doing/about to do a true demonstration of my love and commitment to my first love, my God?” Teach them to want to honor God (Deuteronomy 6:4-5), honor you (the parents, Exodus 20:12), respect/love their future spouse (1 Cor. 7:2-5, Eph. 5:33), and to want to make God’s Name great by the life they live day-in-and-day-out (1 Cor. 10:31).

2. Teach God’s plan: marriage! Today dating functions completely independent of real love (1 Corinthians 13:4-8): Godliness/righteousness, commitment/loyalty, integrity, patience, selflessness, etc. “We can sleep together, experience the most intimate parts of each other, move in together, get a dog together, maybe have a kid together… but no marriage because that is too serious and I’m not ready for that.” God’s plan from the very beginning was for us to move toward marriage – we are relational people by design; however, we are to experience those benefits of relationships in the right relationship, at the right time, in the right place. As parents this ought to be the deepest desire of our hearts for our kids – even above worldly/temporal success. Money fades, accolades fade, degrees only mean something while we’re alive… marriage is the beginning of an amazing, Godly journey. When/if children become part of the picture it becomes a generational, Godly journey – to raise GENERATIONS of worshippers! Teach Godliness and righteous living above even worldly success.

3. Teach SEX! There, I said it… SEX!!!!! What in the world has happened that the most amazing and intimate act possible between two people (created by God) has become taboo to say in the church?!?!? There is nothing wrong with sex – at all! Tell your teens that! They’re so scared of the word that they won’t even say it in church and when it is talked about they giggle uncomfortably! They’ll watch it all day on MTV and in movies, sing about it crudely in their songs (I’ll spare you lyrical examples), but talk about it in the way it was intended to be and it’s taboo! Tell them about ALL of the sexual connections – kissing, hand-holding, touch, sensuality and tell them how amazing it is… IN THE RIGHT RELATIONSHIP, with a spouse who is committed to you and are moving in the same direction relationally (toward God). We’ll talk about this more next week in the “Purity Myth.”

4. Teach friendship. John and Abigail Adams (the 2nd president of the U.S.) had one of America’s greatest love stories. Often separated because of John’s political career and lack of speedy transportation, the two wrote to each other often (over 1,100 times!). In his letters to his wife John would often address his wife as “My Dearest Friend.” What an intimate, sensual and romantic term of endearment! Today teens define whether they are “dating” someone based on whether or not they touch – hold hands, hug more than others, kiss, make out, etc. Sure, they are friends with their bf’s/gf’s (boyfriends or girlfriends), but what makes them a true “couple” is their ability to do stuff they don’t do with their other friends. Lost is the idea of how to be true friends. Lost is the idea of how to enjoy each others company without taking it to a physical level. If dating is learning the other person to determine if both partners desire to commit to one another and grow together, then why is any physical contact necessary? That is something they can experience and learn together as husband and wife.

5. Teach boundaries. We’ll talk about this more next week.

6. Teach how to date. Discuss with your spouse when you think a solid age range is for dating to be acceptable. At a minimum people cannot be married until 18, so it makes no sense for a 15 year old to become consumed in a dating relationship. All that does is put them in a position for greater temptation. When a “dating” relationship does begin (that is, both the boy and girl decide they are both mutually attracted to one another and want to explore that relationship further) put some parameters in place (most of these ought to be in place anyway when it comes to a guy/girl “hanging out” together):

• Set the standard (teens ought never engage a dating relationship with someone who is not equally committed to God - this is dangerous ground)
  
• Always be in light and public (darkness and privacy allow the possibility of temptation to act inappropriately on God-given/natural feelings)
• Date with crowds (go places with friends/groups)
• Set out from the beginning to protect his/her future spouse and their present walk with God
• Pray for one another
• Involve parents and Godly friends (hiding parts of their relationship makes is dangerous)
• Keep friendship the focus

7. Set a dating plan. Together (both parents and the teen) set up a plan for dating (maybe after reading the book suggested below): define dating, things that are ok in a relationship, how a date ought to treat/respect them, how to worship in the midst of dating, accountability, boundaries, etc. This way the teen has some ownership in the plan and can share their feelings about the plan versus feeling like their parents don’t understand. It also opens the channels of communication with your teen from the beginning and lets them know you care, are praying for their future marriage/mate, and are available to listen any time.

There is much more that can/should be taught, but time and space is short. So as an exercise I encourage you to read the book “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” (by Joshua Harris) with your teen. Take it at a comfortable pace and set time aside to talk about it (maybe after every chapter or two). Go out for coffee or ice cream or something and talk about this regularly!




Pray for my wife and I as we begin now with our 8, 6 and 2 year olds (at least teaching and demonstrating marriage, daily worship, etc.)… and I promise you’ve already got our prayers! We petition and plead on behalf of you and your children regularly! Next week… “The Purity Myth”

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What Is Dating and When Should It Happen (or Should It?)? (A Guide for Parents and Thoughts for Teens/Singles)

The funny thing about dating is that if you ask people “what is dating?” you’ll hear a variety of answers. I ask this question of teenagers quite regularly and here is a small sample of the answers I’ve received over the years:

• Spending time with someone (I asked what happens when that relationship ends, they usually reply “find someone else”)
• Looking for a husband/wife
• Having fun
• I don’t know – you just like [someone] and hangout with them

So to ask “what is dating” is a rather ambiguous exercise because no one (even adults) really knows – they just do it. It’s pretty much certain, however, that you will see the following present in the majority of dating relationships:

• A title/declaration (my girlfriend/boyfriend/“just dating”/“playing the field”)
• Spend time together in special activities (movies, dinner, carnival, etc.)
• Friendship (often putting other friends second to the bf/gf of the moment)
• Best sides are put forward (typically masking/not disclosing those silly quarks – or real issues)
• Alone time (it’s not a real “date” unless the couple is alone somewhere)
• Emotional intimacy (the sharing of feelings, hopes, dreams, faith and more)
• Physical relationship (hand holding, hugging, kissing, making out, sexual intimacy)

To cut to the chase (since there could be much conversation here), it honestly seems like the only real factor that changes a male/female friendship from friends to “dating” is the physical relationship. Yes, emotional intimacy can be another difference, but it alone is not something exclusive to the dating relationship (friends can be emotionally intimate – often the reason for the “best friend” title). Besides that, when’s the last time you heard someone say “I’d love to share my hopes, feelings and dreams with you – would you be my boyfriend/girlfriend?” It’s more like friends one minute – start holding hands or kissing and “now we’re boyfriend and girlfriend” (or visa versa – change titles from friends to bf/gf, therefore, our new entitlement is physical intimacy).

To illustrate my previous point further (that is, there is no clear understanding of what dating is or parameters for practicing it), I hear the following statement a lot: “I do like him/her but I don’t want to go out with them because I’m afraid it would mess up our friendship.” Really? I thought that was kind of the whole point of marriage – to marry your best friend (so to speak) and grow closer together in that friendship. Besides that, *sarcasm alert* what could possibly happen in a dating relationship that would “mess up” your friendship? Ah, yes… physical intimacy. Once you cross certain lines (expressing love physically) it is kind of hard to go back to “just friends.” Therefore, the “friendship” is, indeed, often times ruined.

Dating can (and should) happen without physical intimacy. Yes, I know that seems archaic and out-dated considering how many of us as adults included it in our relationships and the fact that this type of thinking is almost laughable today. However, to those who are married I pose one question: do our present spouses feel more loved, valued and cherished because we tested others out (physically) first? Sure, we learn from our mistakes, but I have yet to meet a Godly couple that looks back and says “man, I’m glad we had so many partners (kissing or more) before we got married. It makes me feel so loved to know that I’m not the only one on your lips.” (If you’re like me right now, that last statement actually makes you slightly angry/upset/disturbed, whether it is at yourself or the thought of someone else having had the chance to cherish your spouse as you do now). This is why I wholeheartedly believe that we need to teach our CHILDREN (no matter their age) about the value of marriage as God designed it (not “following their heart”) and guide them to a Godly model of “dating.”

Godly dating (or “courting” as this model is often called) ought to set out with friendship as the goal and foundation, while removing physical intimacy until marriage. It puts the relationship in its proper place and encourages the couple to truly put the other one first. It practices from the beginning everything 1 Corinthians 13:4-9 (the “love chapter”) rejoices in:

• Patience
• Kindness (to the future spouse, future children, etc.)
• Proper practice (“does not act improperly”)
• Selflessness (much harder road than dating’s selfish “what’s in it for me, now?”)
• Rejecting that which could hurt, now or later (namely sin)
• Is excited by Godliness (“no joy in unrighteousness”)
• Living in Truth (versus secrecy or deceit)
• Fighting for real love (“bears, hopes, believes and endures all things” – real love is never easy)

No where does it say that practicing physical intimacy is necessary for this type of love to be experienced. Physical intimacy, instead, seals and expresses in a purely unique way our commitment to our spouse (hence the reason God said the “two become one flesh”). No one else is designed to enjoy such intimacy with our spouse. It is single-handedly the most amazing, unique relationship mankind can enjoy (even above the parent-child relationship because the only two people who can enjoy each other with such intimacy is the husband and wife).

Parents, as I mentioned before, this is not a new methodology. It’s a Biblical approach to a relational system (dating) that has gone way off path, become purely selfish (all about me) and lost its vision (there is very little mention of the future in dating anymore – it’s about the here and now). It places the emphasis back where it was originally designed to be - on marriage (not the here and now)! Yes, this seems like an impossible and unlikely task - like trying to out run a locomotive or leap a tall building in a single bound, without Superman's powers. No one said parenting biblically would be an easy task. But we join together, bathed in prayer, as we work to lead our children to amazing marriages and times of worship (now and later with their own families).

So how do we work AGAINST a system so firmly established in our culture (a confused pattern of dating is in all our movies, music, shows, books, schools, etc.)? We’ll cover that next week when I talk about “What to teach our children.”

Want to join the conversation? Have a question/comment? Click here to begin!! :-)


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"Dating is Divorce Practice"

I was reading the book "Family Driven Faith" by Voddie Bauchum recently and in it he makes a pretty blunt, but profound statement... today "dating is nothing more than divorce practice” for later.

Divorce practice?

Today teens date until they lose interest. As soon as someone better looking/more interesting or fun comes along – they’re gone. As soon as the relationship gets boring – they’re gone. As soon as they don’t get along as well as they did before – it’s over. No working through things. No compromise. Why? A few reasons…

• Why work through it? It’s easier to move on.

• Poor models make for poor examples. Children see, children do. They see moms and dads bail out all the time, why can’t they?

• Too young to be dealing with those issues/not capable of making the right choice. Not for nothing, relationships are complex and not for the faint of heart. 16 year olds (no offense to my 16 year old and under audience) are not capable of wrestling with these issues – nor should they have to! They’re still two years away from being able to be legally married. More on this later.

• Not much thought goes into who to date; therefore, not much thought is put into making it work. Also, if not much thought is put into who to date, then the reasons for the splits are sometimes legit because they find out more about the guy/girl after dating a bit; however, this stuff is able to be discovered before giving them so much room in their heart.

This is where parents come in. Should we have expectations of our children and their relationships? Absolutely! Scripture demands it (parents are to be intentional in the discipleship of their children… growing “little Christ’s” – those who worship and follow the Savior) and, believe it or not, your kids are looking for them. They want to know what “dating” is and how to do it. They want to know the dreams and desires you have for them – that you are on their side and praying for them and their future spouse.

Because this is such a lengthy topic, I plan to do a four part series in the blog about “dating” and the Bible (teaching parents to teach children about dating).

Part 1 – What is dating and when should it happen (or should it?)?

Part 2 – What to teach our children

Part 3 – The purity myth/Abstinence is Wrong

I plan to do this topic for a few reasons: (1) As a youth pastor the dating/boyfriend/girlfriend topic is the one requested the most by teens. Why not teach parents how to teach it to your kids so that they hear it at home AND at church! (2) Our message to our kids/teens is too ambiguous and jumbled up – it changes from adult to adult. This should not be the case! (3) To examine Scripture and make sure we have a Biblical vision and approach to leading our children in “dating.”

Because there is so much interest in this topic I will try my best to get more than one entry out per week, but that all depends on my schedule. I will try to have Part 1 out by Monday of next week.

A word of encouragement to my fellow parents: I am not a perfect parent (nor have I ever claimed to be). My heart’s desire is like yours – to worship God and lead my family to Him. I have had successes (I think) and I have had failures (I'm sure of it). I have no idea what’s in store for my children and their relationships, but I pray they will always know my wife and I pour our hearts out in prayer for them and that they will desire to worship God with their future spouses. I don’t write these blog entries as a proven method, but as an intention to seek and lead my children in worship. I write this as a tool for both you and my wife and I as we labor together in teaching our children to “love the Lord, our God, with all [their] heart(s), mind(s), and soul(s)”. Pray for us and we commit to pray for you as well.

Until the next entry… Blessings!!!

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Know Your Blogger...

Recently some of my friends (and wife) have begun making lists called "25 Random Things About Me". In it they list 25 facts about themselves that are not widely known. Captivated I joined the parade of lists and thought "this would make a good blog post - after all, I bet people who read this would like to know more about me." I very well could be wrong, but none-the-less here is my list...

"25 Random Things About Christian the Christian..."

1. I thought everyone went to heaven (kinda like it was a birth right - you are born and one day when you die, your rightful place will be in heaven). When I was 15 (almost 16) I heard the Truth about God, heaven, sin and realized four crucial things (as I discovered them in the Bible): (1) God hates sin (2) I was a sinner (3) Not everyone goes to heaven - it's not a right (4) The only way to go to heaven was to do more than "know about" God - I needed to believe and follow Him. To put my hope, faith and trust in Him... my life has never been the same since. In August of 1992, I was saved from hell and bought (at the expense of Jesus Christ's life on the Cross) into heaven (and even more amazing) a relationship with THE living God!!!

2. I am a sold-out, bought-out, born-again Jesus Freak! I am all about the Savior!!

3. I married WAY UP!!! My wife walked into my driver's ed class my Junior Year of high school and all of a sudden the world around me stopped moving. I'd never seen beauty like I did that day - and she's only getting HOTTER! :-) It was NOT love at first sight, but I tell you I knew I wanted to have the opportunity to learn to love her! She is the most amazing woman I've ever met. She is my daily example of love, grace, mercy, forgiveness and true beauty!

4. My wife blew me off in that class and still doesn't remember I was even in there. :-) (so here that moment she walked in changed my life and she still can't remember me even being in there - she remembers all my friends though... to quote one of my students, Cierra... "sad"). lol i love teasing her about it.

5. I have 3 amazing kids - Mckenna, Connor and Jessi who humble me daily (usually when I'm not expecting it or hoping to be). :-)

6. My favorite place in the world (seriously there is no where else that makes me smile more) is laying with or near Laura - whether it be us watching a movie, tv or just talking.

7. I am a Starbucks junkie... seriously, not good on the budget. Frappaccino's are my downfall... Venti Java Chip, light with whip (the WORST PART of the drink - so bad for you!!!!) and an extra shot of espresso. At Christmas it's the same with a shot of mint! (BTW - if anyone would like to help feed my addiction, I gladly accept gift cards to Starbucks in any monetary amount!) ;-)

8. I loathe alcoholic beverages. There is not one part of me that finds any part of it appealing. I have seen it do so much damage to so many people/families. It also destroys people's witness to the world, which leads a Christian to defend their drinking with Scripture versus defending/sharing the Gospel (yes, I know the Bible is not anti-drinking... but I don't know many who drink as an act of worship or in a place/manner that is God-honoring). Why not abandon "liquid courage" in favor of a mocha or coke with a shot of cherry syrup? I do NOT dislike people who drink (hopefully that is a given - especially those who know me) because that's not it at all... I love all people!!!! I just don't understand drinking. Especially the partying scene... it just crushes me. I'm not perfect and not throwing rocks... just sharing my heart on an issue that has affected me deeply, both personally and pastorally.

9. I am not proud of who I was, but LOVE who God is shaping me to be!!! Especially over the last six+ years.

9. I struggle with confidence in myself. Though I am often uncomfortable, I think it's a good thing because it reminds me of God's greatness despite my weaknesses... that brings me much comfort. So while I lack confidence in myself (and my abilities) my confidence in God is ROCK SOLID (no pun intended).

10. I used to like New Kids On The Block. Don't be hatin'...

11. I sneak in to my kids' rooms at night just to watch them sleep a little. I often pray for them in the stillness of the night... those moments bring me to tears quicker than anything else.

12. I love that my son is a lot like me! He is my "bestest buddy".

12. I love playing guitar and singing... in my head I sound awesome... then I get on a mic and... well, it's not pretty. I hope to write a song one day...

13. As evidenced by the fact that I am typing this list instead of doing what I am supposed to be doing: I am ADD. Not on medicine, but do at times envy those with meds. I can't imagine how productive I'd be in one hour on meds. I wonder if it would feel like that moment in the Matrix when Neo dodges the bullets... that would be awesome!

14. My favorite vacation spots: (1) Disney World (wish I could go every year), (2) the beach, alone with my best friend Laura, (3) the beach, with my best friend Laura and our three babies (I love talking about God and Creation with them while we're there!)

15. I'm a movie nut and have to work hard not to allow the ART of the good movies to overrule my worldview (where I like the art and technical aspects over what I know to be True; or the message of the film be embraced, because of how well it was presented, when it should be rejected... a couple of movie examples: "Million Dollar Baby" - euthanasia, "Happy Feet" - unconditional tolerance, "Love Actually" - love is blind, uninformed and a magical feeling, etc.)

16. I love teenagers!! I think they are the most unique breed (yes, I know I said "breed") of people on earth! They're emotional, passionate, entertaining, hungry for "real" while grounding themselves in things false or unreal, and a ton of fun to talk to, love and encourage.

17. I don't like being the center of attention. I know this may come as a shock to many who know me considering I am always talking and "up front," but I am much more "comforatble" being a support in the back of a room. I think this is one reason why I love ministry so much - it's God pulling me out of my comfort zone and putting me in a place where I have to depend on Him.

18. I pray daily for (and with) my children and for their future spouses - I pray that above all else they love God with all their hearts, that His love is evident in their lives in the way they love those around them and that they serve Him with boldness and zeal.

19. I love talking about my wife and how awesome she is (I tell everyone - strangers or friends)! She's really THAT amazing.

19. Silence scares me/bothers me in a crowded room and comforts me in solitude.

20. I love video games, but always feel tremendous guilt when I play them - as if I should be doing something else more productive (as if relaxation is bad). I hardly ever play, for that reason. It doesn't help that the few times I decide to play random people just happen to stop by (sometimes saying "I wish I had time to play video games")...

21. I LOVE fantasy sports. I am the commissioner of one fantasy baseball league and two fantasy football leagues. I also just have teams in a couple other leagues. Crazy thing is, none of them really take that much time and make the sports even funner for me (though I never watch them or the ESPN highlights anymore).

22. I hate fishing and hunting and mechanical stuff... I feel quite out of place around guys who do/can (only when they talk about it... I just smile and nod). I love camping, hiking and paintball, though I rarely get to do any of them.

23. I used to hate reading, but since Seminary have really become quite fond of it.

24. 4:30pm is my favorite time of the day during the week... it's when my wife/"life" (Mckenna used to think that was Laura's title to me... my "life" instead of "wife") and children come home from school.

25. I like being this transparent and want this list to be "30 things"... but then I'd want 35... then 40... so I'll end now. :-) (BTW... I cheated and added an extra 9, 12, and 19... so this way I still only ended up with 25) :-)

Hope you enjoyed getting to know your blogger... :-) Blessings...

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Coming to Grips with My Reality TV Fascination

I think the time has come for me to admit it... I am a fan of reality TV. I've tried to deny it for some time, but as my wife and I were surveying our favorite TV shows I realized the majority of them were reality shows, for different reasons (we don't watch much TV, but much of what we watch, it turns out, have been/are reality shows). Kid Nation, though no longer on (great material for talking about matters of Faith with my children), Survivor (my all-time favorite! It always amazes me how far people will go, and how much they will sacrifice for the right price and better yet, to see those who refuse to compromise), American Idol (though this does occasionally wear on my nerves, I enjoy the back stories and those who use the platform for eternal purposes- such as Mandisa), Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares (I love watching family-run restaurants who are falling apart pull it together as a business, and especially a family), Beauty and the Geek (not last season's, but the ones before where "beauties" were challenged to look and dive deeper than superficial looks - didn't care much for the Geek makeover part, though it was entertaining to see), and some others on occasion (if time allows - I don't necessarily set the DVR for them).

Why I like reality TV.

I know "reality" is not reality; however, there is something to be said for taking real people as they are and putting them in pressure situations and seeing what they're made of. That is why I love Survivor so much - real people forced to be in close proximity with other real people in less than ideal situations to "outwit, outlast and outplay" the others for $1 million. What are they willing to do/not do for the LARGE sum of money? Will they lie? Steal? Cheat? Hurt someone? Deceive? Something I tell people all the time - trials reveal much about one's true faith. Scripture says it like this: "Out of the abundance of our hearts, our mouth speaks" (Luke 6:45). In other words - whatever we've filled our hearts with will come out (either trickling or gushing)... if it's selfishness, ungodliness, hate, contentious thoughts, etc. - then that's the abundance that will come pouring out (trials put our real-selves out there to be seen). If it's patience, kindness, gentleness, etc. (fruits of the spirit, Galatians 5) - then that's the abundance that will be seen and demonstrated in rough times and good times. I love to root for those who refuse to compromise their integrity, dignity, faith (though most people of faith on TV are not genuine, and often misrepresent Christ, and the church, entirely), even if it costs them the competition, the prize or whatever.

Some shining moments of Reality TV for me:

• American Idol. A girl ("Bikini Girl") shows up to her audition for AI two episodes ago in a TINY bikini (producers made sure to show her from all angles - cheap!). Usually when someone shows up in a gimmicky outfit it means they can't sing and just want to exploit themselves for 2 seconds of fame (being on the rejects video). This girl, however, sang fairly well and made it to the next round (WHY the bikini and cheap sell-out?!?!). My favorite moment for her audition came when the new judge called her out for exploiting herself (noting that the male judges won't remember/recognize her with clothes on) by asking her name "because to them all you are is 'Top' and 'Bottom'". Score one for modesty!

• So You Think You Can Dance. A youth pastor (if memory serves me correctly) auditions and performs a dance that tells a story from the Old Testament (I forget which one). As soon as the judges find out it's Bible-based the hating began and he represented well! He never backed down, he didn't become disrespectful, he defended his choice to have his female backup dancers clothed and told them he refused to give up his faith for a competition. Score one for true Christianity on TV!

• American Idol. A 27-year-old man lives at home with mom to take care of her due to her medical condition. No dating. No partying. No personal life. Is it a sacrifice? You better believe it. Does it consume his life? It IS his life - all he does is care for her. But he's a Biblical picture of what it means to care for "widows and orphans" (a challenge given to the family). I do not think he's a Christian, but it wouldn't be the first time a nonbeliever was used by God to "confound the wise." (Note: I'm not saying this is the case, but it certainly is a beautiful demonstration of real love.) Score one for real love and family!

• Survivor. Any time a contestant remains true from beginning to end, refusing to compromise who they really are (I'm not talking about the "this is who I am - I don't change for no one" arrogance, but true integrity). Score one for true integrity!

Shows That Grate My Nerves:

Any bachelor/dating/love/marriage show. It amazes me the lengths people go to to win the affection of some stranger and how poorly love is represented on the shows. Just pull some people out of their real lives (away from their family and friends who they will eventually return to) and give them alcohol, a hot tub, absurd getaways with a stranger, opportunities for sick make-out sessions and you have a romance reality show. *CUE my audible "BLAH" and cup of water because I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.* This is a blog post of its own, so I'll depart from this one for now (TEENS in my youth group - we will be going through this a little more in depth in the next couple weeks in a new series called "The Love Myth"; PARENTS - teach and demonstrate to your teens/kids what real love looks like).

Note for Parents:

Reality TV is a great tool for teaching Biblical values. As kids watch people make decisions and reap the benefits/consequences of those choices it provides a fascinating conversation starter (and a great way for you to check your own Biblical worldview). Often times we find ourselves rooting for who the producers of the show brainwash us to root for (the one doing the deceiving, playing the game - as if real life should not be a factor, the relationship that has only superficial foundations versus one that is based in a Biblical definition of love, etc.). I love watching appropriate Reality shows with my kids and talking about the Bible as it applies in real life! NOTE: This only applies to shows with any redemptive qualities to them. Many of the love shows do not have this and could be more harmful than helpful for young, impressionable minds. Also - don't forget about the more impressive lessons that can be learned by kids/teens by you TURNING OFF the TV and spending quality time with them!

That's all for now... blessings!!!!

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President-Elect Obama and My Dad

To begin, I did not vote for Barack Obama. I think I've stated that in a past post, but in case I didn't there it is. Even though I didn't vote for him due to a difference of opinion in policy and such (no need in going into it), I am a fan of his in some aspects; in particular, his role as a father.

Here he is, President-Elect Barack Obama, a week from one of the nation's most historic inaugural ceremonies... making plans for the nation... making appointments to official positions of his cabinet... studying/reading/learning to better prepare himself as the next Commander-in-Chief (the Leader of the Free World)... and writing a letter to his daughters?!?!

Wasn't there a document needing his signature somewhere? Another appointment to make or meet? Another reporter to talk to? Another Staff meeting to attend?

Probably.

But instead he took time out of his schedule to write a letter to his daughters (one they'll most likely hold onto and cherish the rest of their lives - and even pass on to their children). If you haven't heard about the letter, you can read about it here. Now THAT is a real man! Busy... busy... busy... but NEVER to busy to take his daughters to school... love his wife... or write his daughters an affectionate letter expressing his dreams for them as growing young women.

Fathers, take note. It is an amazing privilege to lead your family. It also bears an enormous responsibility. Children (trust me on this) WANT to hear your heart, want you to lead them and want you to pray for and dream for them. I know this not only from working with teens, but from being one myself (as we all were once) and having a father (and mother) who DID write to me. I still have the letter my dad wrote to me on my graduation day from high school. It meant the world to me to have in his own handwriting his dreams for me... his affection expressed for me... and the pride he had in me for my accomplishments. More than that - that he took the time to sit down and write such an endearing letter truly touched me, a rough, know-it-all (all the while not knowing hardly anything) 17-year-old ready to tackle the world. Even better, still, is how much he loves, cares for and cherishes his wife (my mother).

President Obama and I may not agree on most policy, on the origin or maintanance of real freedom, on the decisions needed to be made to undergird the moral structure of this country, but we do see eye-to-eye on one very key fact: there is no unit, group or sphere of influence more essential than the family (created by God in the very beginning)!

I respect President-Elect Obama... not because he's the President-to-be and not because he tells the country they ought to reconsider the importance of family (in particular the parents), but because he LIVES his message. He is a real man - not because of the policy he signs or rejects, but the way he mans-up to lead his family. Now I pray that he leads them in the only direction that never fails, always hopes and never perishes: the Creator, God (through His Son, Jesus Christ). After all, what's it profit anyone to gain the whole world (education from the best institutions, wealth, fame, powerful positions, etc.) and "lose their soul?"

Even moreso, however, I admire, respect and love my father for being the kind of man who in all his military training was still soft enough in heart to pour out his heart to me in letters... to sit and have heart-to-heart talks with me... to love me unconditionally... and ultimately show me what a real man looks like.

Take heart, men. It's a new day in America... not because we have a new president, but because we have men like my dad setting the standard for their families - without press corps, media outlets and newspapers covering their every move. Just doing their God-given job and doing it proudly. Thank you President-Elect Obama for also being that kind of man, despite the national pressure.


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Time to Man Up...

BACK FROM THE HOLIDAY BREAK! On to the C2 Blog...

Men (all those of the male gender)... it's time to man up, check your pride for few minutes and hear me out.

Over the last several years I've noticed a sudden increase in boyhood and a sharp decline of genuine men in society. Manhood today is a joke. It's so rare for women to see true gentlemen that when they encounter one, they have no idea how to react or think. Almost uniformly women have lowered their standards for men for a variety of reasons:

1. Because they, themselves, act as "girls" and have no expectations other than purely self-centered ones (don't believe me, watch some of these ridiculous "women" parading around reality television... I digress)

2. They think the only way to keep a "man" is to meet his expectations (so they adjust to him and his standards)

3. Wishful thinking – hoping the boy grows into a man (unfortunately this doesn’t happen as regularly as we think it does)

I could keep going, but I think you get it. So what’s the point? I’m sick of seeing boys parading around as men. These boys range in age from teens to the elderly. They’re single, they’re husbands, they’re fathers, and they’re grandfathers. Why do I call them boys?

1. They focus on boyish things and put everyone else second to their whimsical “needs” (cars/trucks, houses, money, fame, random hookups/sexual relationships with no thoughts of commitment, living with a girl versus showing her he’s truly committed by marrying her, time with the other “boys” instead of being at home with their wife and kids, being lazy and making their wife work as well as take care of the home and kids while they do as they please, etc.)

2. They have no respect for women. In some instances women are nothing more than sexual objects. And don’t get me started on this culture that refers to (and wants) this precious gender whom God created to be a “helper” and companion for man as “ho’s,” b******, and other degrading names (SIDE NOTE: women, seriously - stop letting them get away with it!). Fellas – ANYONE can do the physical stuff… only real men know how to truly captivate a woman’s heart and attention. It’s not a game and women aren’t a prize to be won. They’re a valuable treasure!

3. They have no chivalry – no honor – no integrity – no dignity. Instead they live by one motto: “I’m a Man!” NEWS FLASH: Real men step up, own up, man up, serve (especially their wife and children), love, live right (even when no one’s looking), teach by word and example, and live by THE standard (God’s Word). They lose their pride and put on the coat of humility. None of this “because I’m a man” garbage. Real men step up.

Why such a harsh tone? Because sometimes the situation calls for it. Over the last several weeks I’ve seen some pretty horrendous things (with my own eyes) and had similar stories shared with me by family and friends as I’ve shared my heart with them. Here are some of these “men’s” shining moments:

- Standing in a Taco Bell line waiting for food, a 16 year old male publicly gropes his girl friend as they wait for their food. No thought of the fact that her body belongs to her future husband (and his hands to his future wife) or the fact that he’s degrading her publicly!

- Several instances of a boy “showing” his girl friend how much he “loves” her by hiding the true nature of their relationship in the backseat of his car, taking her clothes off and exposing her (and him) to public embarrassment as they are caught. How romantic! How patient! How kind!

- A married man making lewd comments to married, female coworkers, masking them as “a joke.”

- A wife eating leftovers at work and sharing with her coworkers that her husband made them and the room of women begins to fall in love with her husband for loving her that way. They say “my husband never…” or “I wish my husband would…”

- A husband who won’t take care of his own children – leaving it to the wife or family. Discipline? Forget it. Feeding them? Too hard/time consuming. Getting them ready for school? Not my job. Kids being kids and making noise? Too much to handle – someone else deal with them.

That's just a sample - I've got far too many examples to post on one blog.

Even non-Christian recording artist Beyonce wrote a VERY POWERFUL song recently about this topic, called “If I Were a Boy” (note the “boy” part of the title… not “man”). In it she sings about how she would live if she were a boy, like those in her life. Never heard it? Listen to it here (lyrics are here):

Men, this is an indictment on us, the God-chosen leaders! What happened?!?! How did we come so far?

Where do we go from here?

I am not perfect, nor am I everything my wife deserves on a daily basis. But I promise you, my heartbeat is to “put away childish things” (1 Cor. 13:11) and grow as the man God has created me to be. How do we do that?

First – swallow the pride! If we cannot humble ourselves there is no hope. If we cannot see that we are part of the problem, we’ll never be part of the solution. 1 John 1:8, 10 – “if we say we are without sin, then we deceive ourselves and the Truth is not in us…” and “we make [God] a liar.”

Second – repent! Time to change. Confess to God in the stillness of your room your shortcoming and boyish heart and ask Him to change you. Ask that He help you see how to be the man He’s called you to be… the man your wife/future wife deserves… the example your children ought to see. 1 John 1:9 – “if we confess our sin, [God] is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness”

Third – MAN UP! Realize the calling God has placed on our lives. The tremendous responsibility He has placed on us as leaders of our homes.

This is my hope and prayer for you, gentlemen. I am praying for you.

Blessings,

Christian

A man learning daily to put away childish things.

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