How to Ruin a Marriage Together!

Typically when we hear about one falling it is because of a self-destructive pattern of choices. Left in the wake of those decisions is usually husbands or wives, children, family, close friends, church members, etc. These decisions are, more often than not, single-party ventures (one person making the decisions), but…

…what happens when a husband and wife fall (self-destruct) TOGETHER?

Instead of protecting one another, one or both persons in the marriage encourage the downward spiral by embracing destructive choices together. One such case happened recently. Music artist Amy Winehouse (“Rehab”, “Me and Mr. Jones”, etc.) and husband, Blake Fielder-Civil, have spent much time in the media lately due to their regular run-ins with the law over serious substance abuse issues. As this blog is being typed Blake is currently serving time in prison for some of those issues. Janis Winehouse (Amy’s mother) reportedly said her daughter was misled by her husband into a lifestyle of “drugs and self harm.” While I do understand the power of suggestion, it is important to remember that Amy made the choices, too – she is not a victim (in entirety)… after all, it does take two to tango. It is terrible what this couple is going through, but I am not here to dissect their marriage or lifestyle. Instead, what I am here to do is plead with husbands and wives to rethink what is embraced in your marriages. What decisions are being made jointly that have the potential of ruining your marriage?

Vices come in all shapes and forms: substance (alcohol, drugs, etc.), sex (utilizing what God gave to be between one man and one woman and open that relationship up in a number of unhealthy ways: open marriages, “swinging,” pornography or raunchy R-rated/unrated movies as a “spice it up” tool, etc.), finances (choosing to embrace a financially irresponsible lifestyle), integrity (being one couple in the dark and another in the light), etc. These are but a few ways husbands and wives endanger themselves and their marriages. I don’t believe Blake or Amy (or any other husband or wife that has struggled in similar fashion) ever woke up one morning and said “let’s be reckless and ruin our marriage together!” Instead they sought out recreation and leisure together and it has led them to places neither expected to go… and now their marriage is crumbling.

So what’s the point?

Husbands, we are called on by God to protect our wives. Not just when someone threatens her, but in everyday life. In the decisions we lay upon her to make on our marriage’s behalf. Are we asking her to test waters she ought not to test? Are we tempting her in ways in which she may not be able to recover? Are we asking her to try something she may later regret?

Wives, likewise care for your husbands. Seek to protect their eyes, hearts, minds/thoughts, reputations, etc. Are the desires that you have something that could ultimately hurt him, you or your marriage? Are your wishes going to help him grow as a husband or encourage him to walk a path he will later regret? Though the husband is the leader of the family, remember what a powerful role you have, too (afterall, it was Eve who tempted Adam in the Garden).

One last question: are the decisions you make together as husband and wife something you pray daily for your own children to experience in own their marriages? If not, maybe we have some questions to ask ourselves.

I encourage you husbands and wives to read the following passages together: Ephesians 5:22-33 and 1 Peter 3:1-7.

Until next time… may God richly bless your marriages!!!

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"New" Britney - Same Message

Britney Spears - “America’s Sweetheart” - is back, apparently, and her new song/video “Womanizer” is all the buzz. Reviews are positive from critics and music bloggers to ecstatic Britney fans alike. And what lessons has she learned from her struggles (anyone remember “bald Britney”?, losing her children, being caught in several public incidents, etc.)? Apparently none. Her music has not matured and neither has she, unfortunately.

“Womanizer” represents everything parents ought to teach their daughters and sons to NOT to be, or look for in potential spouses: flirty, morally lost, selfish and focused only on sexual attraction (not real love, intimacy, etc.). The song's lyrics have a hint of hope to them as she tells the womanizer she has no time for him; however, she ultimtely blows it by telling him "no" in a flirty manner while playful acknowledging that she does like him and want him. Since I have no desire in promoting anyone watching the video (lyrics can be found here), here are a few highlights from it:

• Britney appears entirely nude throughout the majority of the video, laying down and moving provocatively (she wasn’t able to cover everything, so the strategically placed “blur” helps her
  
• “Morning after Britney” shows her in a shirt and bra cooking breakfast for the “womanizer” man who she apparently slept with
  
• “Office Britney” dances provocatively around the office, flirting with the “womanizer” and posing for his iPhone pics while sitting on the copy machine and making a copy of what’s under her skirt (yes, she shows the camera the copy)
  
• Britney and dancers (male and female) dance sexually around the “womanizer” while kissing him and each other
  
• "Morning After Britney” exacts her revenge by making her bed while he’s in the shower (yes it shows that too) and showing him who’s boss by not sleeping with him again

• There are several other over-the-top and suggestive sequences, but I think you get the idea

So, let me get this straight… Britney proves to the womanizer (the man) that she is “all woman” by stripping, sleeping with him, dancing sexually around him, teasing him, then walking away? So the essence of her value as a woman is in her sexuality?

What about her motherhood?

Being a wife (former wife)?

Loving others less fortunate?

Loving God (the One she said she used to love with all her heart as a child/teen)?

My heart hurts for her… I thought after all she had been through, Britney was going to come out of it all with better understanding and clarity of mind. Instead, we get the same, sexually-driven Britney who speaks sweetly in interviews, but has no idea who she truly is or what she’s truly worth.

Parents: Since most of your teens and tweens have (or will have, soon) heard this song. Read the lyrics and use it as a conversational tool. Discuss what God describes as valuable. Who they are in Christ. What marriage is and why they ought to look forward to sexuality in that type of relationship versus what's seen in this video (and other TV shows). Here are some Bible passages for you to check out to help: 2 Timothy 2:21-22, Ephesians 1:3-14, James 1:22-25, 1 Peter 3:3-5

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Christian the Christian Radio and Books

Ok so it's not really a radio station (it should be!), but I found a sweet internet code that allows me to program my own playlist and post it here on my blog for all to enjoy. :-) So I hope you like the music as you sift throught the blog entries. These songs are, for the most part, some of my favorites with a few scattered throughout that I either like to hear from time to time, or that make my foot tap (I have the episode from Scrubs in my head where Turk tells JD that he's added 'NSync's Bye, Bye, Bye as a ringtone because it makes him want to dance... flash forward to the next scene when he gets a call and all the staff stop what they're doing and break into dance). lol That one made me laugh for days...
Anyway... in addition to the music, I've also a book list of titles that I am currently reading. Enjoy the music, books and blog entries... now if we could only figure out how to serve up tasty, virtual Mochas.... mmmmmmm....

My Musical Shindig (Music that's moved me lately)

Music has been a major part of my life since I can remember. From hearing my dad play “Born Free” repeatedly on his Oldes Trumpet (no, not “old” though it was that, too :-) ) to listening to music with him (while occasionally listening to he and my mom belt out the tunes) like Alabama, Chicago, old school Aerosmith, The Carpenters, Whitney Houston, Michael Jackson, country artists whose names I cannot remember and more.

As a child I also began to play music so instead of just listening to it, I began creating music on trumpet (though I must admit it took some years before “Mary Had a Little Lamb” and “Hot Cross Buns” actually sounded audible and worthy of any sort of audience). Even as a Christian music has played a pivotal role in my growth as a Believer. Groups or artists like Michael W. Smith, Steven Curtis Chapman, DC Talk, Jars of Clay and Audio Adrenaline were major influences in my early Christian life in a time where I looked to find music that represented my faith.

I’m not sure what it is about the power of music, but it truly has the power to communicate and move someone. The power to speak what is on the minds and hearts of the listener, though they may not be poetic enough to say it in quite such a creative manner. I am a HUGE fan of music!!! I love music of most varieties (though country is still a work in progress I must admit, despite living in the South and being raised on a healthy musical diet of it): Rap, rock (thanks in large part to my wife), classical, jazz, big band, alternative (which is now becoming more “indie rock,” I suppose), R&B, hymns, etc.

On occasion I find groups or artists whose “voice,” so to speak, speaks above the rest…whose content speaks volumes, captivates my attention and speaks for my heart... whose music is original and creative and seeks to distinguish itself from the rest… whose artist/band members’ lives only confirm further the message they share in song. A group or artist whose music has something to say but doesn’t allow message or music to override the other (such as a song with great content/message but poorly played/arranged music or great music and message with terrible/poorly written lyrics). Few groups get it just right and I think I’ve got a few that I think you’re going to enjoy as well. These are some of my favorites... some of these are a little older, some newer, but check them out and see what you think:

David Crowder Band
Amazing lyrics and music, this band is a fun and has a unique sound to them. If you know me personally you know I have all their music and listen to them often. If they had to be contained in a genre, I’d probably label them (hesitantly): alternative/worship.
http://www.davidcrowderband.com/

Toby Mac
One of the three members of DC Talk, this man is a very gifted musician. Not in a classical way, but with turn-tables, producing/arranging skills he has redefined Christian hip-hop. Most importantly is his unwavering love for God and the passion in which He seeks to worship Him. Creative lyrics, amazing beats, and a healthy dose of reality fill his albums. Genre: Hip-hop, rock/rap, etc.
http://www.tobymac.com/

My Favorite Rap Artists:
Each of these guys have SOLID lyrics (many times talking about deep theological stuff versus just becoming a happy Christian)! They are all very good and from the same label (CrossMovement Records/Ministries). I usually have one or more of them playing in my youth group each Sunday!
Lecrae - http://www.reachrecords.com/index.php
Flame - http://www.flame314.com/
The Ambassador - http://www.theambassadoronline.com/
d.a. T.R.U.T.H. – http://www.datruth.net/
Phanatik – http://www.beaphanatik.com/

NEWBIE PICK - Leeland
I’ve recently come across an band that has risen to the top of my MP3 player and Windows Media Player play list: LEELAND. I featured one of their songs in youth group two weeks ago and have listened to their album a few more times since. Their lyrics are thoughtful and deep, their music is creative and different and their hearts are sincere! The lead singer (Leeland) is 20 (they released their first album when he was only 16) and was recently recruited by Michael W. Smith to help him write six of the songs on his newest album. http://leelandonline.com/

Some of my favorite songs from their new album:
“Let it Out Now” (http://www.ilike.com/artist/Leeland/track/Let+It+Out+Now – somebody’s own video to their song… only have the link so you can hear the song)
“Brighter Days” (http://www.ilike.com/artist/Leeland/track/Brighter+Days)

And that's what me diggin' music is all about Charlie Brown...

Katy Perry "I Kissed a Girl"

There is a new song growing in popularity across the country (radio, facebook, myspace, MTV, etc.) – “I Kissed a Girl” by Katy Perry. This song and its popularity raises many issues (outside of its homosexual content – which is another conversation in-and-of-itself) in need of discussing.

WHO IS KATY PERRY
“The next big thing” (Blender magazine) or “the one to watch” (TEEN People – yes, TEEN, as in “our primary audience is teenagers”), Katy Perry (real name, Katheryn, Katy, Hudson) is the 23-year old daughter of conservative Christian pastors. As a teenager she released her first album, the self-titled mainstream Christian album Katy Hudson (http://www.amazon.com/Katy-Hudson/dp/B00005OW88). Now with her new name and musical style, Katy is taking the pop world by storm.

THE SONG
I have no desire to be one of the millions that have or will share or link her song or video, so instead I will post a link to the song's lyrics. If you wish to hear the song or see the racy video all you need to do is go to your search engine of choice and type in her name and the song name – you’ll have no issues finding it. For the rest of you, here are the lyrics: http://www.moron.nl/lyrics.php?id=122622&artist=Katy+Perry&rated=2

POINTS OF INTEREST IN THE SONG (NOTE: read lyrics before continuing)
I’m not a big fan of lists, but it certainly beats reading (or glancing at) long chunks of unorganized dialogue. So, without further ado, here is my list:
1. For something so “natural,” it seems pretty difficult to do. She states in the song that girls kissing girls is just a part of human nature, yet she seems to contradict this throughout most of the song. First, in order to do the deed she needed to get her bravery on by downing some drinks (“I got so brave, drink in hand”). Second, the drink allowed her judgment to be impaired enough to “[lose her] discretion”. Third, she admits “it felt so wrong” (before telling her self it felt so right). Fourth, she states that girls kissing girls is “not how good girls behave” (implying that the right decision would be NOT kissing girls); however, the bad/cool/rebel girls test the limits and live on the edge.
2 .No big deal? Is it really "innocent"? That’s what Katy seems to lead listeners to think (or maybe she’s just trying to make herself feel better). Unfortunately, this is just a reflection of the world we live in – as long as you don’t kill someone and you do not hurt someone (“victimless crime”) it’s “innocent.” I bet her Christian pastor parents would beg to differ about the innocence and “big deal” nature of the song (as I’m sure they LOVE fielding questions about their daughter and her new song). I wonder if it will be just as “innocent” when her daughter desires taste cherry Chapstick, too? What if her boyfriend DOES mind (meaning, he’s not a big fan of sharing his girlfriend with other girls – or guys)? Is it still “innocent”? What if the girl she kissed minds and doesn’t like just being a nameless, “experimental game”? Is it still “innocent”? And if it really is so innocent, why feel bad/wrong about it (or feel the need to defend it)?
3. Hook-ups are cool!!! Friends with benefits rock!!!! This is the dominant opinion of the day and the obvious view of this song. If it looks too good to deny it, then don’t! Translation: “let’s just use as many people as we can to fulfill our own desires. We’ll act now, ask questions later… hopefully no one gets hurt in the process, but let’s not think about that now – on to the fun!” Hmmmm...
4. The loss of the big picture. The lifestyle promoted in this song leaves many victims and has left out the rest of the story. What consequences resulted from that night? How about the consequences in the years to come? What about living for others (putting their needs and ideals before your own)? What about enjoying relationships with people, not just using them? When our own satisfaction is the tool we use to determine what’s right and wrong it is very slippery slope! Pringles’ slogan (“once you pop you can’t stop”) is a pretty accurate description of what our desires look like (seen also in James 1:15) – they are rarely satisfied. As soon as what used to satisfy us lets us down, we need more to make us feel good again… until it is too late and we’ve crossed the line. Many times we’ve been over the line a long time before we see the consequences of those decisions.

WRAPPING IT UP
I like Katy’s voice – and the song is somewhat catchy (unfortunately - hence the reason many love it). There is no doubt that Ms. Hudson/Perry is talented; however, it also appears to me that she seems to be a confused young lady (as she even admits in the song). I believe we would be wise to follow the advice of Scripture (Jude 21-23) – love and pray for Katy, all the while keeping our own “discretion” while learning from the mistaken philosophy of this song and promoting a right/godly philosophy of life.

And that’s what Katy Perry’s song is all about Charlie Brown…

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