How to Ruin a Marriage Together!

Typically when we hear about one falling it is because of a self-destructive pattern of choices. Left in the wake of those decisions is usually husbands or wives, children, family, close friends, church members, etc. These decisions are, more often than not, single-party ventures (one person making the decisions), but…

…what happens when a husband and wife fall (self-destruct) TOGETHER?

Instead of protecting one another, one or both persons in the marriage encourage the downward spiral by embracing destructive choices together. One such case happened recently. Music artist Amy Winehouse (“Rehab”, “Me and Mr. Jones”, etc.) and husband, Blake Fielder-Civil, have spent much time in the media lately due to their regular run-ins with the law over serious substance abuse issues. As this blog is being typed Blake is currently serving time in prison for some of those issues. Janis Winehouse (Amy’s mother) reportedly said her daughter was misled by her husband into a lifestyle of “drugs and self harm.” While I do understand the power of suggestion, it is important to remember that Amy made the choices, too – she is not a victim (in entirety)… after all, it does take two to tango. It is terrible what this couple is going through, but I am not here to dissect their marriage or lifestyle. Instead, what I am here to do is plead with husbands and wives to rethink what is embraced in your marriages. What decisions are being made jointly that have the potential of ruining your marriage?

Vices come in all shapes and forms: substance (alcohol, drugs, etc.), sex (utilizing what God gave to be between one man and one woman and open that relationship up in a number of unhealthy ways: open marriages, “swinging,” pornography or raunchy R-rated/unrated movies as a “spice it up” tool, etc.), finances (choosing to embrace a financially irresponsible lifestyle), integrity (being one couple in the dark and another in the light), etc. These are but a few ways husbands and wives endanger themselves and their marriages. I don’t believe Blake or Amy (or any other husband or wife that has struggled in similar fashion) ever woke up one morning and said “let’s be reckless and ruin our marriage together!” Instead they sought out recreation and leisure together and it has led them to places neither expected to go… and now their marriage is crumbling.

So what’s the point?

Husbands, we are called on by God to protect our wives. Not just when someone threatens her, but in everyday life. In the decisions we lay upon her to make on our marriage’s behalf. Are we asking her to test waters she ought not to test? Are we tempting her in ways in which she may not be able to recover? Are we asking her to try something she may later regret?

Wives, likewise care for your husbands. Seek to protect their eyes, hearts, minds/thoughts, reputations, etc. Are the desires that you have something that could ultimately hurt him, you or your marriage? Are your wishes going to help him grow as a husband or encourage him to walk a path he will later regret? Though the husband is the leader of the family, remember what a powerful role you have, too (afterall, it was Eve who tempted Adam in the Garden).

One last question: are the decisions you make together as husband and wife something you pray daily for your own children to experience in own their marriages? If not, maybe we have some questions to ask ourselves.

I encourage you husbands and wives to read the following passages together: Ephesians 5:22-33 and 1 Peter 3:1-7.

Until next time… may God richly bless your marriages!!!

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