How to Fix Jon and Kate (We Can Learn From Them)

The circus that is Jon and Kate (Plus 8) just keeps getting bigger. This fiasco is like Gremlins (classic movie from 1984 for those unaware) and everyone keeps disobeying the rules:

1. Don't feed the Mogwai after Midnight (we've got 24 hour a day coverage of them and drop everything the moment they wish to give an interview - I think even the president has bigger hoops to jump through to get air time than they do)

2. No Water (ok, this one's a stretch but I'm sure most can craft a witty water joke to accompany this rule, ala "no more beach excursions, Jon," "Just say 'no' to yachts and girls in bathing suits, Jon,' etc.)

3. No bright light (that's all that's in their faces - flash bulbs, camera lights, spotlights...)

I'm not here to be one of the millions to run their mouth to belittle, cripple, bash, humiliate and watch their family collapse even further. I am here to provide three steps for them (should they decide to stumble across this blog) to recover their family. These three steps will not only help save their marriage and family should they be willing, but can help yours as well...

1. STOP TELLING THE WORLD YOUR BUSINESS! Stop the interviews, stop justifying yourselves and stop letting us any further into your world! You owe us no explanation whatsoever. It is not the media's right, nor ours, to have full access to your life and at no point will the public's perception of your life ever be an asset to you finding healing.

2. STOP MANIPULATING. You both claim innocence and wish to be the victim when in reality you have both have cut, hurt, manipulated and crushed each other to oblivion! The only way you will ever have any semblance of hope is if you both stop trying to sway public opinion your way, take responsibility for your own part in your marriage's demise (to this point) and begin to forgive (healing will never take place in your lives or the lives of your children until there is forgiveness).

3. REGROUP! It is NEVER to late to turn around, right wrongs and rethink your game plan . This step is where you both, without name calling or finger pointing and admit you need help! Both of you claim to be believers, so seek the PRIVATE council of a trusted Pastor and ask him to help guide you through this process of renewal, healing, forgiveness, and hopefully restoration!

For the rest of the world who sit by and watch (often negatively and critically as if you would do better under such scrutiny), realize you are no different and your marriages are not immune to the struggles they face. Granted, they have some pretty unique circumstances, but at the heart of it they are still a man and woman, a husband and a wife, a couple with a story and people who hurt beyond words right now. The three steps I mention above apply to all couples - even the non-famous variety...

For us, the difference in our marriages is we do not seek to air our grievances on television - we do it in the company of our friends (with family members, guys with their guy friends, girls with their girl friends, and on many occasions husbands with other women and wives with other men). No, you do not air your laundry to the whole world, just your local world.

Just like Jon and Kate we are all manipulators. We all want it our way and when faced with extraordinary circumstances will do just about anything to get our way. So many times couples tell half truths or lies to coworkers, friends, family members and even strangers to make themselves look like the victim when the reality is both share responsibility in the collapse or falling apart of their marriage.

And just like Jon and Kate - it is never too late for couples who truly wish to find healing and even restoration to regroup and begin again. No foundation is so cracked or damaged that it is unrepairable. Start with a trusted pastor and see where God leads!

If you are a husband or a wife and your marriage is struggling or you are beginning to see stress fractures along the foundation of your marriage and you are not sure who to talk with, feel free to email me and I would love to talk with you through Email, by phone or however you would like. You can reach me at christianthechristian.c2@gmail.com.

EDITORIAL NOTE: I am aware that this seems a bit over-simplified and that not all marital problems are that easy to solve. However, that being said, most cannot truly begin to seek healing because they are too busy living in the past hurts of what was instead of what could be. Many couples punish themselves and do even greater damage when, instead, they could begin to take steps to: (1) worshiping God (even in the midst of the storm), (2) re-learning love and the true value of commitment and covenants, and (3) learning how to forgive and be free of hurt.

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