I don’t know when it happened, but somehow, someway sex has become a taboo topic in the church. Teens are scared to say “sex” and adults squirm in their pews when it’s said. Teens and adults alike will watch show after show and listen to song after song that talk about sex (many times laughing or singing along), but “talk about it in the church? That’s uncomfortable.”
Recently a Catholic Priest, Ksawery Knotz, published a new book entitled Sex As You Don't Know It: For Married Couples Who Love God. In it he writes that there is nothing wrong with a steamy sex life; even going so far as saying it is a “good thing.” Maybe it’s because he’s a Catholic Priest writing on the subject, or because of the extreme traditionalism of the Catholic church, but for some reason it was newsworthy enough for Fox News to publish a story on the book. Regardless of why it was covered in the news I am excited because it opens the channels of communication again for this great love story that God created!
God created sex. As I joke with couples in counseling: it was not man or woman’s idea. Adam and Eve weren’t sitting around the Garden of Eden bored saying “so now what do we do?” and then stumbled into sex. God created them differently (man and woman) a placed a desire for one another in each of them. As soon as Adam saw Eve he was hooked (cue the old joke: he saw her and said "Whoa! Man!" Thus she’ll be known as ‘woman’.”)! The sexual relationship was designed by God to be one of the defining parts of a marital relationship (one of the key elements that make it so different from any other relationship). Men and women were created with a desire for one another already built in them (so-to-speak). They then enjoy the fullest physical and emotional pleasure possible with one another inside the protected, safe and committed marriage relationship.
In a world that has no boundaries for sex – that embraces girls going wild, open marriages, pornography, sexual dating relationships, etc. God’s design for the sexual relationship in marriage has been forgotten, misunderstood and misrepresented. “Enjoyable sex” between and man and wife seems ungodly now (like God doesn’t want man and wife to enjoy sexual intimacy - not sure how that belief came to be) or as if it is an oxymoron. It has become nothing more than a comic’s punch line: either (1) you never have sex once you are married, or (2) it becomes stale and unexciting.
BUT THIS IS NOT WHAT GOD HAD IN MIND for husbands and wives!!
God created sex (between a husband and wife in a covenant marriage) to be exciting, captivating, fun, pleasurable, enjoyable, lovely, passionate, engaging, intimate, creative, moving, enthralling, enchanting and, yes, even steamy! 1 Corinthians 7:1-5 tells husbands and wives that they belong to one another. It tells them to be sure to fulfill one another (yes, sexually) and to make sure they do so REGULARLY! Not out of obligation, but out of passion and love and dedication to your beloved spouse who is equally committed to you.
SINGLES or COUPLES LIVING TOGETHER (UNMARRIED): I understand your fear of marriage. In a world that has completely lost what it means to be married, with a divorce rate that has climbed to 50% and with so many marriages that seem to struggle (including in the church) I can understand your fear from wanting to be “that couple.” However, know that you are not protecting yourselves or your relationship. You are missing out!! God has crafted us in such a way that we crave intimacy from our spouse; hence the reason husbands and wives become “one flesh” – they are so intimately wound together that neither knows where one starts and the other stops! When we live with someone outside of marriage we steal from God what He designed for us and our own good and turn it into something He never desired for us. We actually set ourselves up for hurt.
HUSBANDS AND WIVES WHO ARE STRUGGLING: Know that you are NOT alone. This world and its desire to corrupt what God made for good and pleasure has made it difficult for many couples. However, having a successful, loving and passionate marriage is not an impossible feat! For those struggling, I recommend a couple resources: (1) the movie “Fireproof” (watch it together and then go through the book “The Love Dare”), (2) the book “God on Sex” by Daniel Akin (this is a POWERFUL and wonderful book based on Song of Solomon from the Bible), (3) take a small weekend trip together with your spouse; use it as a trip to pour into one another and love one another as intimately and deeply as you know how to, (4) transparency! Sit with your pastor (or go to a local church and speak to one if you aren’t in church) and share with him your struggles as a husband and wife and seek help in restoring your marriage.
Want to join the conversation? Click here to comment or ask a question!
If you would like to talk with me personally about a struggling relationship, feel free to email me at christianthechristian.c2@gmail.com!
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2 comments:
CTC,
While I don't disagree with much of anything you have posted here, I do have to take exception to the idea that church is the proper venue for discussions of sex, per sey. There is the problem of age appropriatness. (I'm sure your not advocating that pastors preach seromons on sex to an open congregation.) I see nothing wrong with it being discussed in small groups, age appropriate youth groups, and during individual counsel. I heard of a church somewhere in Florida that advertises sermons based on sex as a way to get more congregates. I feel this is wrong and it borders on deomnstrating a worldly view in an attempt to fill pews. The Body of Christ should take great care to demonstrate that it is not of the world and that it lives by a different standard in an attempt to be pleasing to God.
Please don't take this as a critism of your post because as I said in the beginning, I agree with most everything you said. God Bless.
I understand what you are saying. For churches that use it as a hook to get people in to church or advocate things that take what God has made and taint it is wrong. I do not support that. In terms of age appropriateness - I'm not saying pastors ought to have sermons about "how to have sex," but if teens see the church being shy about sex they will always view it as something taboo.
I'm advocating the church start bringing sex back up! We know the Authority on sex and know what it is... right now, however, the ones doing the most teaching on sex is the media and culture (and they're blowing it!). Teens need to hear that God made sex to be fun and enjoyable and ought to look forward to being married to enjoy it and the other benefits of marriage. Unfortunately, the opposite is the case: they think it's sinful if sex is fun and think church is not the place for sex to be talked about (hence the reason they step out of the church for "fun"). There is a way to talk about it in an expectant and joyful way without making it trashy or causing the whole congregation to fall into lust. There are proper times and places to discuss certain topics. Right now, however, many churches aren't talking about it at all. That's a MAJOR problem because the world and culture are teaching falsely about what it is and the church is slowly becoming part of it (in the privacy of their own homes) instead of speaking up for God's institution of marriage and the sexual relationship.
Thanks for the comment!
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