"Eye Candy"

Ok, so I made my weekly shopping trip to the grocery store today with my youngest daughter (2 years old). Typically this is a trip in which I craftily navigate the aisles with list in hand so that I can try to get what we need as quick as possible (though I've got a lot of my mom in me, so I also want a deal and trying to be thrifty often slows my progress). After two hours (obviously not my fastest of trips) my shopping experience was drawing to a close and my baby and I were grabbing our last item (some ice cream!)... then it happened.

As my I was looking through the Breyer's, trying to select between Fat Free Chocolate or forgetting health consciousness and grabbing whatever I wanted (I chose neither and instead opted for Skinny Cow Chocolate Cones - good stuff!), a woman approached the same freezer to choose a frozen dessert. No sooner had she walked up that two guys passed between us taking several long, childish looks at her. One of them then looked at me and lipped silently (so she wouldn't know he was talking about her) "is that your wife?!?!". Puzzled by the question, I shook my head "no." He then replied in a whisper "I was gonna say... [putting his thumb up indicating approval] nice job, bro!! She [sic] hot!!!".

WHAT?!?! What if she were my wife? In what universe would I (or hopefully any guy) be proud that some random guy (or even one I know) just walked by and stared at my wife, as if undressing her with his eyes, then let me know he approved of her and our marriage? How is that complimentary in anyway? How did he think that would be a manly thing to do (especially with our daughter, if we were married or my wife was the one being oogled as if she were eye candy to be sensually enjoyed by anyone who walks by, right next to me)?

Men/boys... it's getting old. Step up.

***EDITED BELOW***

Need further evidence? This was posted in the comments section by a teenage girl not even two hours after I published the above post:

"That is really frustrating.
I'm a 17 year old girl. Apparently I look a lot older. I don't dress provocatively and don't wear make- up, but yet when I go places sometimes guys ask me if I'm married, etc. It's even more frustrating when I catch them looking at me or have other people tell me that guys were "looking me up and down," when my friends and I go somewhere. There are some places that I don't even want to go to anymore, because of this. To me, it seems as though most guys only want one thing [sex], and that is really annoying."

Want to join the conversation? Click here to comment or ask a question.

__________________

Thou Shalt Have Steamy Sex?!?!

I don’t know when it happened, but somehow, someway sex has become a taboo topic in the church. Teens are scared to say “sex” and adults squirm in their pews when it’s said. Teens and adults alike will watch show after show and listen to song after song that talk about sex (many times laughing or singing along), but “talk about it in the church? That’s uncomfortable.”

Recently a Catholic Priest, Ksawery Knotz, published a new book entitled Sex As You Don't Know It: For Married Couples Who Love God. In it he writes that there is nothing wrong with a steamy sex life; even going so far as saying it is a “good thing.” Maybe it’s because he’s a Catholic Priest writing on the subject, or because of the extreme traditionalism of the Catholic church, but for some reason it was newsworthy enough for Fox News to publish a story on the book. Regardless of why it was covered in the news I am excited because it opens the channels of communication again for this great love story that God created!

God created sex. As I joke with couples in counseling: it was not man or woman’s idea. Adam and Eve weren’t sitting around the Garden of Eden bored saying “so now what do we do?” and then stumbled into sex. God created them differently (man and woman) a placed a desire for one another in each of them. As soon as Adam saw Eve he was hooked (cue the old joke: he saw her and said "Whoa! Man!" Thus she’ll be known as ‘woman’.”)! The sexual relationship was designed by God to be one of the defining parts of a marital relationship (one of the key elements that make it so different from any other relationship). Men and women were created with a desire for one another already built in them (so-to-speak). They then enjoy the fullest physical and emotional pleasure possible with one another inside the protected, safe and committed marriage relationship.

In a world that has no boundaries for sex – that embraces girls going wild, open marriages, pornography, sexual dating relationships, etc. God’s design for the sexual relationship in marriage has been forgotten, misunderstood and misrepresented. “Enjoyable sex” between and man and wife seems ungodly now (like God doesn’t want man and wife to enjoy sexual intimacy - not sure how that belief came to be) or as if it is an oxymoron. It has become nothing more than a comic’s punch line: either (1) you never have sex once you are married, or (2) it becomes stale and unexciting.

BUT THIS IS NOT WHAT GOD HAD IN MIND for husbands and wives!!

God created sex (between a husband and wife in a covenant marriage) to be exciting, captivating, fun, pleasurable, enjoyable, lovely, passionate, engaging, intimate, creative, moving, enthralling, enchanting and, yes, even steamy! 1 Corinthians 7:1-5 tells husbands and wives that they belong to one another. It tells them to be sure to fulfill one another (yes, sexually) and to make sure they do so REGULARLY! Not out of obligation, but out of passion and love and dedication to your beloved spouse who is equally committed to you.

SINGLES or COUPLES LIVING TOGETHER (UNMARRIED): I understand your fear of marriage. In a world that has completely lost what it means to be married, with a divorce rate that has climbed to 50% and with so many marriages that seem to struggle (including in the church) I can understand your fear from wanting to be “that couple.” However, know that you are not protecting yourselves or your relationship. You are missing out!! God has crafted us in such a way that we crave intimacy from our spouse; hence the reason husbands and wives become “one flesh” – they are so intimately wound together that neither knows where one starts and the other stops! When we live with someone outside of marriage we steal from God what He designed for us and our own good and turn it into something He never desired for us. We actually set ourselves up for hurt.

HUSBANDS AND WIVES WHO ARE STRUGGLING: Know that you are NOT alone. This world and its desire to corrupt what God made for good and pleasure has made it difficult for many couples. However, having a successful, loving and passionate marriage is not an impossible feat! For those struggling, I recommend a couple resources: (1) the movie “Fireproof” (watch it together and then go through the book “The Love Dare”), (2) the book “God on Sex” by Daniel Akin (this is a POWERFUL and wonderful book based on Song of Solomon from the Bible), (3) take a small weekend trip together with your spouse; use it as a trip to pour into one another and love one another as intimately and deeply as you know how to, (4) transparency! Sit with your pastor (or go to a local church and speak to one if you aren’t in church) and share with him your struggles as a husband and wife and seek help in restoring your marriage.

Want to join the conversation? Click here to comment or ask a question!

If you would like to talk with me personally about a struggling relationship, feel free to email me at christianthechristian.c2@gmail.com!

_____________________