Confession of a Teenage Girl

First, my apologies for the delay in posts. My children and I have been trading sickness back and forth for the last two weeks, so much of my time has been consumed with caring for sick children or resting. We all seem to be getting better so hopefully posting will resume as normal.

I love teenagers! They’re the most unique species (yes, species… I know what I mean) alive, in my humble opinion. They’re bold, lack tact, speak their minds, risk big (of course, at times, sin big, too), love big and genuinely care, though not always being able to show it. I love being a part of teens’ lives as they wrestle with BIG stuff: faith, love, family, etc. Recently, in exploring the blog-world I stumbled across a real treat from a teen I’ve never met and know nothing about. While I enjoyed reading many of her entries, one in particular stood out to me. She entitled it “Father of Glory” and its honesty and depth were very profound. I haven’t been able to get it out of my thoughts, so I decided to share it with you all… I pray it blesses you like it did me.

FROM “BIBLEGEEK” (posted September 18, 2008):

father of glory

“so, i was talking to God today...

oh, it's such a relief to be able to start out a story with that! i feel like i could just leave that there and be done 'cause that amazes me. not because i haven't been doing that recently (which i haven't) and not because i think it'll make me sound cool or anything ridiculous like that. but simply 'cause i can talk to God! honestly, there's absolutely no logical reason for Him to bother listening to me. i don't deserve to be able to talk to Him.

i've been ignoring Him. though, that's not exactly abnormal for me. but i was pouting because God wasn't talking to me anymore and i was kicking myself because i hated that it seemed like i was stuck in the past and moping that things aren't like they used to be.

it came down to me saying, "God... i want to talk to You. i want to come back. but i don't want to see it that way. it seems every time i decide that's what i want it lasts for a few hours and then i slip back into complacency. i don't want to try it if it's not going to work." i didn't expect an answer. after all, i hadn't heard from Him in a while.

"stop trying so hard."

i sighed. "what else is there to do?"

"abbie..." He reminded me that trying things on my own was useless.

i knew He was right. is He ever not?

we kept on talking and i felt the reserve in His voice. i realised how much all of this had hurt Him. my ignoring... my pretending... that struck. hard. i hurt God.

"God. i... i'm sorry. i shouldn't have done this to You. it's so easy to get into Bible scholar mode and talk about You but then walk out of the room and forget to talk to You. but it's wrong."

He forgave me, of course. but i still felt sad.

the conversation continued, but it was subdued, quiet. but a good quiet. i had a lot to think over. but at one moment i mumbled something and then regretted it. not because it was something wrong but because my mind immediately flipped the words around in my head and came up with a better way to say it.

"err... sorry. God, why do i always do that? why do i flip words around in my head? it's not like someone's going to write a book about everything i think and then criticise my sentence structure."

"because you're a writer. that's what I created you to do."

i bit my tongue and decided not to argue this time. "are you saying You want me to write this down?"

"I want you to give Me glory."

"hrm..."

i thought about that for a while and said, "God... honestly, i don't know if i want to give You glory."

"abbie, do you love Me?"

what an absurd question... "yes!" i cried, "You know that i love You."

"then do you want to give Me glory?"

i did love God. and because of that, i wanted to do what He wanted. "yes. yes, i do."

after a while. "God?"

"yes?"

"You know that verse i've memorized for bible class today... in it, paul calls you 'the Father of glory.'"

"yes..."

"so i've been thinking about that. if You're the Father of glory... then... it's not like glory's Your kid... but in the very least it belongs to You... exclusively, right?"

"yes."

"so... when we give glory to something else... like i've been giving it to myself recently... does that mean we're stealing from You?"

He didn't give me a verbal answer, but He knew i didn't need one.”

______