"Divorce Expert" Jill Brooke recently wrote an article entitled "For Those Getting Married: Banish 'Til Death Do Us Part'". Citing a 50% divorce rate she claims that the idea of death as the only reason for divorce encourages laziness within marriage, thus leading to the crumbling of half of marriages.
I agree with Mrs. Brooke in her conclusion, but not her premise. I think her claim that marriages collapse because of the phrasing "til death do us part" in their wedding vows is absurd. I think it would have probably been more wise of her to cite couples' failure to uphold the previous portion of traditional vows ("in sickness, in health, for richer, for poorer...") since that is the conclusion she ultimately draws. It is not the death part of the vow that cripples marriages, but (as she correctly states) their failure to serve, pursue, court, romance and live for one another. Instead spouses put themselves at the center of their own universe and leave their beloved spouse behind as they pursue selfish pursuits.
FOR THOSE GETTING MARRIED: EMBRACE 'TIL DEATH DO US PART'
The solution to the divorce problem isn't banishing the pledge of commitment or rewording it. It is fulfilling it and fighting to ensure its success. Here are a few reasons why banishing the phrase is a bad idea (and a proverbial straw man):
1. The problem isn't the phrase - it's the failure to honor it.
2. Banishing the phrase is banishing Him who created marriage - God. Marriage is a covenant relationship between man and wife and God. Before God, man and wife covenant (unending promise) with God to become one flesh together and to live for one another as they both live for God. Biblically, the only thing that ends a covenant is death.
3. Removing the phrase does not promote accountability to the marriage relationship (as Mrs. Brooke states), it removes trust and confidence in the union. The new vow will be "I commit to you until you are no longer committed to me or our union is no longer convenient." If a couple wants to remain accountable to their vow then they ought to: (1) read together what the Author of marriage says about real love, marriage and commitment/covenant, (2) check-in with one another regularly and ask "how am I doing loving, serving, pursuing and ministering to you spiritually? Do I demonstrate to you and those around us that you are valuable to me?"
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As always, feel free to email Christian the Christian at christianthechristian.c2@gmail.com.
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1 comments:
Good points. It's just a simple phrase but what's important is as you have mentioned is for the couple to honor and understand it. All couples should know well beforehand that getting married means "you do everything humanly possible to make it work!". Pre-marriage workshops make sure that you know this and everything in the fine print before you take the plunge.
Of course, the priority in a marriage is always God. Without Him, no marriage will work no matter how hard one tries.
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