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There are probably very few people on planet Earth who spend as much time thinking about popular culture's influence on young people as Walt Mueller. For more than 30 years, Mueller has been digging deep into how our society's stars and scandals and trends shape the values and behaviors of teens and tweens—and on how parents and children can connect meaningfully during this sometimes tumultuous season of life.
"There is a widening cultural-generational gap that needs to be closed," Mueller notes. "On one side stand parents and adults, many puzzled and scared by the rapidly changing world of children and teens. ... On the other side stand children and teens longing for parents and other significant adults willing and able to help them through the confusing maze of today's youth culture, leading them to an emotionally and spiritually healthy adulthood. I'm convinced it's a gap nobody wants."
To help close that gap, Mueller founded the Center for Parent/Youth Understanding in 1990. He's also written seven books on the subject, including Understanding Today's Youth Culture, Youth Culture 101 and his latest, The Space Between: A Parent's Guide to Teenage Development.
Adam R. Holz: What trends are most influencing teenagers in 2009?
Walt Mueller: A lot of times we look for behaviors—you know, how many kids are doing this, how many kids are doing that, who is sexually active, who isn't. But what I have tried to do lately is to dig a little deeper, to peel back the layers to look at the matters of the heart. Because it's the heart that influences all those other things. As I and those I work with at CPYU have done that, one thing that we've seen more than anything else recently is a single thread woven through the fabric of kids' lives and youth culture: the thread of narcissism.
Narcissism involves a constant obsession with self which really, at its root, is idolatry. It's replacement of the Creator with the created thing—the created thing in this case being the self. And narcissism is about having everything in life focused in service of self and the glory of self rather than bringing honor and glory to God.
Related to that is materialism. When we moved out of the '80s into the early '90s, some commentators were writing about the fact that the so-called "me" decade was over with, along with the rampant materialism that came with it. But that has absolutely not been the case. Materialism still runs deep and wide, and I think it's more ingrained now in the lives of young people and adults than it's ever been.
Holz: How do you think the social networking revolution, as well as mobile communication such as texting and tweeting, are impacting how young people relate to each other?
Mueller: Today's kids have a greater ability to communicate with other people than any other previous generation. You can stay connected 24/7. That can be a great thing in terms safety, in terms of parents communicating with their children. And I think the church is learning how to harness these technologies to help spread the gospel as well. At the same time—and I think research is beginning to show this—it's easier now for people to retreat into physical aloneness. The great irony is that, while this is the generation that has the greatest number of tools to stay relationally connected, they are also one of the loneliest and most isolated generations ever. For many of these kids, when you finally shut everything down, they don't know how to live in the silence and listen to God. And I think it can affect their relationships in some bad ways.
But I would never say that these technologies are an evil thing. I have always encouraged parents and youth workers to see all that stuff as a neutral—a cell phone is a neutral thing, an iPod is a neutral thing, Facebook is a neutral thing—but it depends on how we are using it. Are we using these things to serve the kingdom of the world, the flesh and the devil? Or are we using them to serve and build the kingdom of God? If we become consumed by these things, it can really hurt us deeply. Many people think the answer is to get rid of the technologies when in fact what we have to do is manage them in ways that are healthy and positive and bring honor and glory to God.
Holz: In a world where kids have so many media and entertainment options, do you think popular music is as significant a shaping force as it might have been for previous generations?
Mueller: I would have to say no. I grew up in the late '60s and '70s, and music, for the most part, was it. It was music and television. In the '80s, it was music television. But MTV isn't even about music anymore. What we see now is a shift in which the media world has just exploded in both platforms and types of media. Thanks to social networking sites like MySpace, there are more outlets for music than ever. Kids' tastes have become a lot more unique
Holz: And fragmented?
Mueller: Very fragmented. And so, as a result, you don't have that large, overarching music scene or artists whose albums everyone is buying and listening to. Take Michael Jackson, for example. We just don't have megastars like him anymore.
Holz: Do you think anything has eclipsed music in terms of cultural influence?
Mueller: I would say marketing. Product placement is in everything these days: music, movies, TV. When that's combined with the narcissism and materialism we've already talked about, it's a formidable force. Today's kids have significant disposable income, which is one of the reasons that the youth culture is the most targeted market segment of all. So marketing is the greatest influence because it really is shaping young people's values, attitudes and behaviors.
Holz: How do you think marketing shapes more than just our decisions to buy this or that?
Mueller: The average person sees between 3,500 and 7,000 marketing messages a day. None of us are going to buy all those products—not that day, that week or even in our lifetime. But we will have ingested marketing messages that sell a certain way of looking at life. In that sense, advertisements don't just sell products. They sell a worldview, a way of thinking about life and living life. Especially when it comes to young people, it's this constant barrage of ads that's shaping who they are. These days, I spend a lot more time than I used to telling parents to monitor marketing and helping parents talk to their kids about how to ask good questions about marketing. We have to help our kids learn to manage the world's constant marketing messages so that the marketing doesn't manage them.
Holz: What would you say is the best approach for parents to use in helping their teens navigate this world, and what is the balance between protection and avoidance?
Mueller: Navigating and protection—that is always a precarious balance to strike. We want things to be easy. I have been raised, we have all been raised, in a world where you push a button or you take a pill and everything is fixed. But it's not that easy. Kids have hearts and minds of their own, we can't drag them screaming and kicking into God's kingdom. So now what I have to do as a parent is discern where each of them is at. I have four kids of my own. And each one of them is very different. Because of that, they may need different boundaries, different parameters to both equip and protect them. That means I have to be constantly observing and listening to my kids. So, along with my wife, I have to know the world they live in and begin to try to figure out how each child is going to respond to the influences we see there.
Holz: What has that process looked like in your family?
Mueller: As a parent, you always have to look in the mirror first. You've got to know yourself. And if we hope to know ourselves well, we have to be washing and bathing ourselves in God's Word all the time. I often say that if we want to point our kids in the right direction, we have to have the truth coursing through our own veins. Jesus said that out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks. It has to be that way for us to speak truth and for that to flow out of our lives as well. From that foundation, we can begin to talk to our kids about making good choices, seizing every opportunity to teach that we encounter with them.
For example, when my oldest son, Josh, who is now 23, was entering his teen years, he came to me and said, "I heard this great band today, Dad. A friend of mine played this song, and I wonder if I can get the CD?" I asked him what the band was, and it was Green Day. Rather than react negatively, I asked, "What song did you like?" After he told me, I said, "You know, Josh, that song is actually about—and this may embarrass you—but it's about masturbation." He said, "Really?" So I said, "Let me give you something to read on this band. When you're done, let me know what you think. He read the article, and he was old enough to work through it and come to the conclusion that he didn't think he should be listening to that band. So instead of just saying no, I gave him parameters that encouraged him to engage and think critically for himself. And then we talked about it.
I believe that process is key when your kids come to you with an interest. If they express interest in something that you know isn't good or positive, don't overreact. Rather, respond calmly. Think with them and calmly walk through this process with them. They don't naturally know how to do that on their own; it's not inherent in who they are. We had to learn that process too, and now we have to teach it to them.
So remember that your kids are in process and this is going to take some time. Sometimes they will buck the system in terms of what you are trying to teach them. But don't lose sleep over it. Continue to pray for them and continue to walk them through it and talk them through it because that, I believe, is what leads to lasting heart change, not just compliant behavior.
Holz: What would you say to parents who feel overwhelmed by the speed at which the culture in changing and the ways new media and technology are influencing their kids?
Mueller: Well, first, I would say that I understand. I would also say that God has given us a wonderful opportunity by allowing us to live today to shape the way our generation and younger generations respond to these challenges.
In His incarnation, we see that Jesus was a particular man sent by God to a particular place at a particular time with a particular mission. It's the same for us. We are not here by accident. It is by design. We are particular people called by God to be at this particular place in this particular time to deal with these particular things.
Given those truths, we do well to remember that God hasn't called us to live with a spirit of fear. If we believe in God's sovereignty, we'll be biblically concerned and respond realistically rather than having an alarmist pessimism that forces us to separate from the world. Ultimately, being ruled by fear of what's happening around us isn't going to help anything. Yes, there are going to be things we have to say no to and walk away from. Sometimes, we do have to think for our kids and work to steer them in another direction. That is a responsibility God has given us as parents.
But I always tell parents, never forget that one of the great joys of parenting is that God parents you while you parent your kids. If you were to graph your life struggles and graph out the growth points, the greatest growth often takes place in times of confusion, frustration and suffering. You see that when you look in the rearview mirror. So embrace the opportunities.
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